The Pole Affair How I learned to pole dance and embrace my inner vamp Statistics Unique Visitors: Total Unique Visitors: Outgoing: Total Outgoing: 90 0 85 4581

Articles from The Pole Affair

Teacher To The Pole 2008-02-08 11:30:00 The Lady Osteopath is one of the warmest people I know. She is unfailingly sunny and positive, and not in a nauseating way either. Maybe it’s being Dutch, maybe it’s being an osteopath, but whatever it is, I always emerge feeling better and this morning was no exception. Luckily for me, she has treated the effects of last week’s tumble, and confirmed that my neck was all twisted up and my right ...

Pole Addict 2008-02-07 10:29:00 Question: What does a pole addict with a shoulder injury do? Answer: A two-hour, Level 5 pole dance class that includes one of the most challenging tricks out there; the Handspring.* Yeah, I know, I’m a fucking idiot. And my shoulder is killing me today. The whole office reeks of Deep Heat, and I’m wondering why, when it comes to pole, I just can’t stop myself. Pole dancing; the crack cocaine ...

EDW: I Just Had To 2008-02-06 09:39:00 More than once in my short life I’ve been told I look like British actress, Fenella Fielding. I can’t see it myself, but take it as a compliment, what with Fenella’s trademark seductive, husky voice and vampish reputation. Speaking of vamps, I suspect most people know Fenella from her role in Carry On Screaming, where she played the foxy sister of evil Dr Watt, Valeria, and literally smouldered ...

The Artist Inverted 2008-02-05 08:36:00 Not much to report from trapeze last night as my shoulder injury prevented me from doing too much. Everyone clearly thought I was mad to attempt anything at all, and as it quickly became apparent the Charleston had taken more out of me than I realised, I concurred fairly rapidly. Of course, a couple of people asked me how I’d hurt myself, and when I told them became rather intrigued. As a ...

Rhinestone Cowgirl 2008-02-04 09:51:00 The universe is a strange place – I mean really fucking strange. Friday afternoon, I find myself browsing lingerie websites, thinking it’s been a while since I bought new knickers, before heading off to see Wolfgang. The massage eases the shoulder and neck, which are very painful after a playful shove, and Wolfgang is most amused at having to help me undress and refuses to charge me for the ...

High Five 2008-02-01 08:45:00 The Acupuncturist is both a handsome and interesting man. As a student of Chinese, he became interested in Chinese medicine whilst studying in China, trained there as an acupuncturist, then trained as a GP upon his return to the UK. Were he not married with children, I would plot and scheme my way into his affections, but as he is, I maintain instead a jolly, slightly flirtatious dynamic and ...

Dramatic Dismount 2008-01-31 05:50:00 There’s falling off and there’s falling off. Falling off is part of pole; you slip, slide, miss and plop down, ungainly but intact and laugh it off. But falling off is a little different, and when you fall off, you know about it. Last night at pole class, I fell off. We were practising a move some call The Caterpillar and others call The Inverted Climb. It’s hardcore and it’s knackering – hanging ...

EDW: One For The Boys 2008-01-30 06:52:00 All breasts are good. From great big bosoms, to bee-stings, firm to soft, fake to real, I have it on good authority (from a male friend and his friends), that for men, all breasts are good. I mention this because it’s been getting a bit feminocentric around here lately, which means it’s time for a post that pretends to discuss some relevant content but which is actually just an excuse to publish ...

Pole Dancing Slut 2008-01-29 09:47:00 Some months ago, I was contacted by a lady at Leeds Metropolitan University who’s researching a book about women and pole dancing and we began corresponding. Yesterday, we finally met for a hasty lunch, and what a pleasant time it was. Sam was warm and friendly and, over a pizza, we chatted like old friends. All too soon I had to go back to work, while Sam went off to interview a prominent London ...

Weekend Conversation 2008-01-28 11:31:00 Friday ‘So are you still single?’ I ignore the ‘still’ which, frankly, is a bit of a cheek bearing in mind we haven’t spoken for nigh on a year (during which time I've had more than my share of male-related intrigue), and a flash of alarm runs through my head as I consider that he might be about to make some declaration we’ll both regret. ‘Er, yes.’ I reply. ‘Good. Want to come to a party with ...

Gratitude 2008-01-25 08:31:00 Princess of the Universe has seen fit to bestow upon me a You Make My Day award. I am very fond of the Princess, and so I am touched by her nomination. The timing of it is prescient, because today, I wanted to write and thank you, Gentle Reader. With the publication of the finalists for this year’s Bloggies, I can now reveal that while this blog didn’t make the final five, it did make the ...

Moth Mama 2008-01-24 11:31:00 For someone who’s stood naked in a room full of 250 blokes, I’m actually quite shy around groups of people. So joining a new pole class – especially one full of very slim, fit, strong, flexible women, was quite daunting for me. But as I’ve said before, they welcomed me warmly, and I really enjoy my Wednesday pole class. Last night was no exception. True, next to my two pole pals, one of whom is ...

EDW: Kind Hearts & Light Sabres 2008-01-23 09:59:00 I think it was John Betjeman who once remarked that in the event of a nuclear war, he would choose to be in Peter Jones because he couldn’t imagine anything bad ever happening there. That’s how I feel about one of my favourite actor of all time, Alec Guinness, who exudes kindness and humanity and I simply couldn’t imagine any harm coming to one in his presence. I once had the pleasure of meeting ... Amp

Blue Monday 2008-01-22 14:18:00 According to this article in The Daily Mail, research has proved yesterday to be most miserable day of the year. This pisses me off rather, because I can attest that yesterday was indeed shitty, but I simply cannot conscience the idea that The Heil might be right about something. Thankfully however, no matter how shitty the day, it seems that two hours on the trapeze will lift my spirits, swell ...

La Cage A La Folle 2008-01-21 10:36:00 Modern life is an elaborate birdcage. We perch, often precariously, surrounded by bars of our own creation, bars of mortgage, debt, career path, beliefs and relationships, that limit us while they serve us - as everything does. Distracted by our mirrors, our bells, the odd tasty treat, we sit, happily enough, unaware of what lies outside the cage, unaccustomed to stretching our wings, and ...