The Pole Affair How I learned to pole dance and embrace my inner vamp Statistics Unique Visitors: Total Unique Visitors: Outgoing: Total Outgoing: 48 0 6 5422

Articles from The Pole Affair

EDW: A Nose For Fashion 2007-11-21 10:01:00 As well as stealing the identity of hapless feline bloggers for their nightwear ranges, Marks & Spencer have a new ad out for Christmas and it sure looks pretty. Of course, for me, Erin O’Connor rather steals it. Okay, maybe it’s a cheap shot hailing a model for being elegantly dressed; it is, after all, her job. But there’s something about Erin, a grace, a luminous charm, an intelligence, that ...

Being Puss 2007-11-21 04:42:00 My dear Pool must be thinking I am an ungrateful Miss. Last week, she was kind enough to award me a Be The Blog award and in my fluster over Saturday’s performance, I forgot to post my thanks. Sorry, Pool. I assumed ‘being the blog’ was probably like method acting, well method blogging if you will but by all accounts "this badge is for bloggers who make their blog their own, stay with it, ...

My Funeral 2007-11-20 07:31:00 Feeling peculiar today so I’m going to keep it brief. I’m also grumpy because the mortgage is still not sorted and Northern Rock are being utterly crap; the arrears department are chasing me daily for payment while the mortgage review department have specified what I am to pay and when. And they still have the cheek to charge me a £300 ‘mortgage review fee’ when this re-mortgage has been a ...

Gold Cup 2007-11-19 07:56:00 Okay, okay, you were right and I was wrong; Saturday was fabulous. My performance went swimmingly, and I had a glorious time. Of course, on Saturday morning, I was crapping myself and procrastinating wildly. I also managed to injure my right thumb with my last minute rehearsal, and it throbbed and sent shooting pains up my arm as I drove North. With the aid of effing road works on the M25 and M1, ...

Eve 2007-11-16 17:03:00 For someone about to make her debut performance in front of her peers, I am woefully lacking. The enervating effect of a period combined with an absence of pole activity in recent months has rendered today’s rehearsal a bit of a struggle, quite frankly. I can just about make it through the routine, but it ain’t pretty and I haven’t got a lot of time to put the polish on it. Pulling some of the ...

PMS: Pre-Menstrual Shopping 2007-11-15 09:23:00 As a general rule, I try to stay out of good shops – bad things happen when I step in good shops. Especially when a period is imminent, for as my hormones fluctuate, my resolve dissolves and I buy pretty things I want, want, want but cannot afford. For instance, there was the time I wandered into Liberty and spent the bank loan I’d just got to buy a second-hand car on a Vivienne Westwood jacket. ...

EDW: Pyjama Party 2007-11-14 05:30:00 It’s pretty clear I’m turning into an awards whore, so I was tickled pink yesterday to receive this somewhat tongue-in-cheek accolade from my dear Poleminx. Wot larks. Seriously, I am touched that she took the trouble to create this award to perk up my whiskers after recent events took their toll, and who knew that Marks & Spencer, one of Britain’s best-loved retailers, would shamelessly steal my ...

A Tiger Is A Tiger 2007-11-13 09:31:00 I have fabulous breasts. Yes, I know I’ve said it before, but it deserves repetition; my tits are superlative – full, firm, and perkier than a pair of Pointer puppies. But last night, for the first time in my womanly existence, I had cause to wish for a flatter chest. You see, the problem, Gentle Reader, is that my trapeze career may well be limited by my 34E assets. Let me explain. The most ...

Lush Life 2007-11-12 08:57:00 ‘I used to visit all the very gay places, those come-what-may places, where one relaxes on the axis of the wheel of life, to get the feel of life, from jazz and cocktails…’ I’ve long been a fan of the Billy Strayhorn song, Lush Life, and while the Nat King Cole version is good, for me, Sarah Vaughan’s version breaks my heart every time. But then, Sarah Vaughan singing most things does that to me. ...

Hear Me Roar 2007-11-09 07:25:00 The universe, it seems, does not want me to have acupuncture; for the last two weeks I have missed my appointment due to the inept cunts at Southeastern who cannot run a train service. A journey that should have taken forty minutes - at most - took two hours yesterday evening, leaving me spitting angry, frustrated to tears, and aware that it’s going to take a little longer to come to terms with ...

Falling Down 2007-11-08 09:51:00 The leaves have fallen – all of a sudden, it seems – forming a rustling swell on the pavements, an omen of the oceanic depths of winter to come. The tide of the seasons has turned and the sky accepts the news stonily. Virginia Creeper curls up the side of the church like a wound, its blood-red leaves nature’s last stab at life before the cold weather leaches the vitality from our collective bones ...

EDW: Blow Me 2007-11-07 16:00:00 Earlier this year, an extraordinary woman died. Some reports say it was cancer, others suicide, for Isabella Blow had attempted it before and was known to suffer from depression. Whether it was ovarian cancer or weedkiller that did for her, her death saddened me, for she was a true original, a visionary, and mad as a box of frogs. Blow simply couldn’t have been anything but British; her ...

Gunpowder Plot 2007-11-06 06:42:00 It sat ominously in my inbox. Even before I’d opened it, I half knew what it would contain, and I was right. Although not entirely surprised, I was still shocked, still hurt by the news that The Admirer can no longer do ‘this’. His reasons are compelling, but I still felt let down and hurt – especially as I’d been so wary, so careful, and all my objections had been cast aside by firm assurances ...

Bloody Sunday 2007-11-05 08:37:00 There’s one word to describe my weekend; productive. And there’s another; procrastination, for I am the queen of displacement activity. But to my credit, I spent much of Saturday teaching and experienced supreme satisfaction at being able to pay for my supper with the fruit of my labours that evening. Met La Plus Glam Grandmere at my local Thai restaurant, the first time in an age that I’ve been ...

"..." 2007-11-02 17:03:00 Ever had one of those days when you have absolutely nothing to say? Yeah, me too. Maybe it's having spent a week in meetings - I'm all talked out. Anyway, have suggested to The Admirer that we give each other some space for a while as the confusion just seems to be spiralling and all attempts to clear things up appear to inflame it further. Maybe I'm getting old, but I've lost the inclination ...