The Daily Bitch
Putting the \'fun\' back into dysfunctional since...well, for a really long time. People tell me I\'m funny, which is weird to me because nobody ever gets my jokes. C\'mon over, it\'s more fun than a barrel of people. |
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Articles from The Daily Bitch |
I should be working right now.
2007-09-18 12:39:00
But I had to take a break and say THANK YOU and give some hugs & whiskery smooches to Buddah and Max The Psychokitty. Purrrrrrrrrr.I was just thinking I should create a stuffed toy monkey for adults, and when you squeeze certain areas it will say things like, "Wanna play hide the banana, chiquita?" and "Have you spanked your monkey today?"Look for me on QVC, or one of those annoying all day infomercial thingies that cover all the channels every Saturday & Sunday.Order now while supplies last!CRAPOLA! I almost forgot to give you the heads-up: don't forget that TOMORROW, 9/19, is TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY! ...
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Mother Talk Book Review! Come & Get it
2007-09-17 20:07:00
"Shakespeare, Mr. Pearl, is not just art. It's a religion." ~~Athenaide, Interred With Their BonesWhen I was offered the chance to review a suspense novel for Mother Talk, I jumped right on it because I LOVE LOVE LOVE this type of book.It's called Interred With Their Bones (bring back any high school memories?) by Jennifer Lee Carrell.Here's what: The book opens with the burning of The Globe theatre, in Shakespeare's own time...and segues nicely into present day and a frantic search for works of literature and art, zipping across countries, finding clues and deciphering their meanings, and an ever-growing cast of characters.A long lost Shakespearean play, a second burning of The Globe, anxiety that you can feel...mine shafts and Shakespeare In The Park, murder and betrayal. There are a couple of very significant plot twists that I didn't even see coming. I'm not one of those people who always says, regarding book or movie, "OH, I had it figured out way before the end!"(P.S. I r ...
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Just do it or else.
2007-09-16 11:21:00
Missed my show on Friday night? I forgive you. Again.You can make it up to me by going to this page and clicking "Play".You've already heard the songs on your playlist, now come listen to mine.Why does my son's room always smell like the zoo?Do little boys secrete some weird monkey scent while they sleep?When I was a little girl, my great-grandpa (Papa) told me that I could dig straight through the ground into China.I dug a lot of holes in his backyard that summer.Of course, I also thought Hell was located in the center of the earth, so I spent several hours wondering how I was going to stop The Devil from getting me as I was digging through his territory.Four feet down I imagined that the earth beneath my feet was getting warmish, so I gave up my quest.I still want to go to China, though.**ADDENDUM: Do you suppose that, in China, there are hundreds of holes in backyards, heading toward America? ...
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FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE!
2007-09-14 19:32:00
Don't forget: TONIGHT! 10pm in NY! 9pm in OKIELAND! 7pm in CALIFORNIA!Tune in to EMPIRE RADIO!!You don't want to miss it--it's DOUBLE SHOT FRIDAY!(Yes, I do intend to get you drunk and take advantage of you. Got a problem with that?)If you're so inclined, the CHAT ROOM will be open. ...
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Rhetorically speaking...
2007-09-13 22:39:00
Say, did you ever have to run down to the local 7-11 (or similar) right after you'd finished off a pint of Ben & Jerry's Dublin Mudslide? And then, when you get back into your car AFTER getting your bottle of water, roll of tums, and sunflower seeds (salted in the shell!) you glance in the rear-view mirror only to see a smear of coffee-fudge-swirl on your lip?Oh. Yeah. Me neither.I was just askin'. ...
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Great State Fair & Okie Blog Awards
2007-09-13 18:48:00
Yes, it's that time of year when our Great State Fair rolls into town...and I need to go on the stroll to check out the carnies--perhaps THIS will BE.MY.YEAR.Kidding.But I may be that desperate soon. AND!IT IS TIME FOR THE OKIE BLOGGER AWARDS! Thanks to the person(s) I've got totally fooled responsible for nominating me--I was pleasantly surprised to see my name pop up a couple of times! I'm honored to be among some of my most favorite people in the world, like Brian, Chaz, Ammie, Melessa, and Steph (just to mention a very few). And BIG THANKS to The Man Behind The Scenes who goes to all the trouble of handling all the pesky details.IF YOU ARE AN OKLAHOMA BLOGGER, you can vote your little heart out.No, not necessarily for me; there are many, many better blogs than this that you should check out.If you're not an Okie Blogger, then it sucks to be you then I would say even though you can't vote, you really should check out my competition.Ironically (portentiously?) Beck's Loser ju ...
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OH and PS
2007-09-12 15:57:00
I promise there will be something here other than reviews soon. But, you know, FREE STUFF. ...
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Eating my words
2007-09-12 15:14:00
Okay, so I've been pretty well opposed to kids+cell phones. I don't think kids need phones at school; after all, I didn't have one back then (of course, no one else did either, but still) and my family managed to get along just fine.Then the fab folks at Mom Central Consulting and MotherTalk offered the opportunity to test out a cell-phone geared for a kid's use. What can I say? I said yes. Also I was thinking that this one particular boy could now STOP CALLING MY DAUGHTER ON MY PHONE, because if I don't answer he leaves a 5 minute message. Sometimes with singing.Last week we got the package from Kajeet and my first thought was HEY! This has a camera! And it is WAY COOLER than my phone..that sucks!And it is cool. The buttons are all clearly labeled with 'back', 'end', 'speaker phone', and 'talk'.The button for the camera has a picture of...well, a camera.Much easier to figure out than my phone, too. Checked out the Kajeet website and it's pretty user friendly as wel ...
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MotherTalk Book Review - The Dark Dreamweaver
2007-09-10 20:23:00
I was pleased at the opportunity from Mother Talk to review, with my 12-year-old daughter, another young adult book: The Dark Dreamweaver, by Nick Ruth.The storyline sounded entertaining (if quite familiar--young boy sucked into an unfamiliar magical place to do battle with Evil), and we dove right in.Okay. I read the back of the book and evidently this story has received several awards and honors, so I was feeling pretty good about it.Turns out that after finishing the book, I'm sort of on the fence.But we'll start with the good stuff, since the not-so-good stuff could be corrected.Here's what: A young boy, David, is having nightmares in which a robe-clad creature is starring...and the creature appears to be evil. The local news reports that people are having terrible nightmares everywhere...a Mystery!David begins hearing voices whilst awake...and discovered that his caterpillar (which hatched from one of the butterfly eggs he'd collected) was actually a transformed wizard, and ...
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Monty Plays The Blues
2007-09-08 14:09:00
I know how disappointed you must be that you missed last night's show. No worries, you can get it right here or here:Click here to get your own player.It's the perfect backdrop while you're playing games and/or surfing p0rn. ...
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Pink is the new...pink.
2007-09-07 19:31:00
but first...Tonight. 10pm Eastern. 7pm Pacific. 9pm Okieland.FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE WITH MONTYEmpire RadioChat room will be open!So awhile ago this really groovy dude decided that I deserved this:Boy oh boy do I have him fooled!Thank you, F-Man!Now, the rules (always the RULES! OY!) say that I should pass this on to seven others. See, this is the part I don't like because there are WAY more than seven of you whom I think are nice. So I used my scientific process to determine the seven--it's totally random, so please don't feel slighted at all if you don't see your name!.The Process: I have this clay thingy objet d'art that my sister made in high school, and I keep it on my computer desk. It's sort of a vase/container...something. So I wrote your names on pieces of paper, threw them in the thing, and drew seven names.Some of the names are boy's names, because boys can be nice too.Besides, if super-hot Mr. Fabulous can put up a pink flowered button without being a puss, then so can y ...
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All the little pieces.
2007-09-04 10:48:00
My life is a mosaic, made with fragments of you.You're so pretty.So I offer a few fragments of me...I was so sick last week that I could barely get out of bed...so my hair didn't get washed for a few days (and by the way, UCK).My mom called me Snape-Head.I don't think that was very nice. Especially since I'm blonde.Sometimes when I'm at the computer I put on the headset...and forget to turn the music on. For quite some time.Maybe there's just something comforting about having my ears covered.Sometimes I'll be thinking about something or other and I will speak a random word or phrase out loud.On accident.Like yesterday I was thinking about...I don't even know what, when I said "Daxahol" out loud.Wha'??Should I be concerned?Don't answer that. I'm in the denial phase.Yesterday in my stats there was a google search for "raehan religion".Umm...Raehan honey, you been holding out on me? And can I drink the grape kool-aid too? ;)One of the best compliments I ever got was from a revi ...
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SBC Survivor Journal -- I'm Your Chum
2007-09-04 10:29:00
Dear Diary.I haven't updated you, dear diary, in two weeks--due to the fact that I've been hiding out from the others. As you know, our last task was to create a model of the island...preferably life-sized, according to Jeckles. Being of a contrary nature (and plus because it was easier), I made mine as small as possible. Rule #5 of the Shitty Blogs Club: Expend as little effort as possible. So technically, I followed the rules.But then that dirty mean stupid rat bastid my dear friend and SBC El Presidente, Jeckles, smacked me down with this:I've lost my Survivor Champ title. *sob*I know that if I survive the sharks then I will set Jeckles' truck on fire Jeckles had a tough decision to make and apparently the sexual favors didn't work and I might smother him in his sleep because all three of our entries were AWESOME but of course he was picking on me.So that's why I've been hiding out here on Survivor Island, using Chad's old trench, because I don't want to be shark bait.But ...
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Maybe it's a tumor.
2007-09-02 13:55:00
First...thanks for all the wonderfully lovely concerned emails. I heart you for hearting me.Woke up Wednesday morning with what I suspected was the beginning of a narsty ol' migraine. Took my usual migraine fixer-upper, Excedrin Migraine.Didn't even touch it.The headache moved into my neck.And shoulders.And back.All the way down to my lower back.I couldn't sleep because everything hurt. I couldn't lie down, couldn't sit up.I got sort of hungry every now and again...and that made me nauseous.On the other hand whenever I think about actually eating, my stomach feels all tight and squinched.AND I have NOT EVEN HAD COFFEE SINCE TUESDAY. If you know me at all then you know that coffee, for me, is the Elixir Of Life.After two days of excruciating pain and a half a bottle of Bayer aspirin, I remembered that when I've had strep throat, it primarily affects my skull and neck.Yes yes, Monty, go to the doctor so they can swab you (*teehee*) and give you medicine.But...no insurance. AND no ...
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