The Daily Bitch Putting the \'fun\' back into dysfunctional since...well, for a really long time. People tell me I\'m funny, which is weird to me because nobody ever gets my jokes. C\'mon over, it\'s more fun than a barrel of people. Statistics Unique Visitors: Total Unique Visitors: Outgoing: Total Outgoing: 35 0 59 6001

Articles from The Daily Bitch

The MUST-SEE Movie of 2007!! 2007-10-06 10:18:00 "The EMPIRE RADIO GANG Goes To Math Camp"(alternately titled: "Iceprincezz Does Calculus In The Buff")**if for some reason the video doesn't play, hit the SHARE button & email it to yourself. You really have to see this.Star in Your Own JibJab! It's Free! ...

*sigh* 2007-10-02 19:47:00 It occurred to me today that I am now too old to be the young half of a May-December romance.An October-December romance, though...maybe I could still pull that off. ...

Goin' all Hollywood and stuff 2007-10-02 17:55:00 Quote of the day:"It's not a lie, it's a gift for fiction." ~~William H. Macy, State And MainSarah Michelle Gellar (Buffy The Vampire Slayer) and I have the same initials.Which is very cool.Ashley Judd and I have the same exact birthday.Which is also very cool.Speaking of celebrities, four of the most brilliantly clever writers known to man:David MametJoss WhedonChristopher Guestand Bryan Fuller.That is all.Have a day.OH and PS stop stealing my stuff. Except for, you know, Memes. Those are allowed.You know who you are. ... Hollywood

Time for the PERFECT POST AWARDS! 2007-10-01 23:12:00 As many of you know, each month Kim and Lindsay host the Original Perfect Post Awards.Over the last few months I've not had much time for blogreading--and I especially haven't had time to search out any new-to-me blogs. But late last night (on a commercial during the original Star Trek) I followed a link and found this post:Blogging For A[buse] Cause on Trenting Dot Com.This particular post hit me where I live, since I can personally relate to parts of one of the stories.Sept 23rdI forgot to get Alex's beer tonight, but he said he would forgive me if I would have sex with him I am so proud to have a husband that still feels attracted to me.Sept 25thI embarrassed Alex in front of the neighbors last night, he reprimanded me by giving me a little smack across the cheek, I should not have made him feel humiliated in front of company, and I really deserved it.Oh. That hurt my heart. I've been exactly in that spot, and I know that some of you have as well. Maybe someone who is trapped i ...

Because I care. 2007-09-30 12:30:00 Dear Girl Who Plays Lilly Rush on that show Cold Case:Hi. I've watched your show a couple-three times and I wasn't going to say anything, but...but...it's your hair. I'm sorry, but you have the worst, stringiest hair I've ever seen on TV. And is that a weave? Because it looks like one of the cheap ones.And whatever did you do to make your make-up artist hate you so much? The most unflattering colors imaginable, and it always looks smeary and smudged like you've spent the last hour making out in your trailer or maybe you've just come off a three-day bender. (I applaud the making out, but still--THINK LIP LINER. It is not a tool of the devil. Is all I'm saying)What I'm getting at is that Courtney Love ain't got nothin' on you.And PS you might think about getting out into the sunshine once in a while.Love,A concerned once-in-a-blue-moon viewerDear People Who Made That Show Moonlight,I really loved the show...in its first incarnation, when it was called "Angel".And plus David Bo ...

Saturday Ad Circular 2007-09-29 13:45:00 I haven't plugged the BossLady in quite some time--but with autumn upon us and winter not far behind I thought I'd let you designer mavens know that we've got TONS of BRAND NEW stuff--with tags!--(including deliciously soft cashmere & silk jackets and sweaters) for 70%-75% OFF the retail price. If you go for vintage clothing, we've got plenty of that as well...some of it will be PERFECT for making your HALLOWEEN COSTUMES!OH YEAH! And we've got some NEW IN THE BOX gorgeous shoes and buttery soft leather boots--Prada, Marni, Stella McCartney, Steve Madden, Alexander McQueen, & MORE!AND! BIG $9.99 SALE on a big ol' bunch of stuff--some NEW WITH TAGS!Come visit our store and buy lots of stuff. Do your Christmas shopping with us!COCKTAIL DRESSES and FORMAL DRESSES for those holiday parties are being added now!New stuff added daily!!Hey, it's better than google ads, right? Right.I love you. Pass it on. ...

How To Spend A Friday Night 2007-09-28 17:37:00 TONIGHT (Friday). 10pm EST (9pm Central). Friday Night Live with Monty!Empire Radio.Two hours of the best mix of music on the 'net, plus Reality TV updates, your horoscope, and...me. You can listen while you play your geeky RPGs. You can listen while you surf pr0n.You can listen while you write your next blog post. I can be inspiring, you know.Tune it in. TURN IT UP.Chat room will be open!**interested in going on the air for an interview? email me!THANK YOU Mr. Fabulous for the big packet of CDs!THANK YOU Kim for the cool snapfish cards!(Do you KNOW how much I love getting packages in the mail? Because I do)Dear Friend,Perhaps you should have devoted more time to keeping the (loyal) friends you already had instead of always trying to gather more and more acquaintances in the name of "Popularity".Is all I'm saying.Been nice knowin' you.Sincerely,Monty ...

Why Thursday Sucks in three part harmony. 2007-09-27 15:13:00 Terrifying moment of the day:So I was at a drive-thru window because it's HOT outside and I needed a big iced tea (oKAY! So it was a big iced tea AND a grilled chicken snack wrap)(and small fries) and all the windows were down and I turned my head and BAM! GIANT RED WASP IN MY FACE! Well, he was a few inches from my face, but really anywhere closer than five feet is TOO CLOSE.I handled it okay, though...I screamed and nearly crashed into the building whilst frantically feeling around for the window roller-upper button, bobbing and weaving in the seat trying to keep it from getting ALL THE WAY INSIDE where it would be free to fly about and terrorize me, in which case I would have had to park the car and walk home & watch the wasp do a little victory dance because he 'jacked my ride.(Okay, so it was a CRISPY chicken snack wrap and not grilled. STOP INTERROGATING ME!)Dear Mom,Yes, I know how you're always right and how you never ever forget stuff. Remember how you bought my son a bed ...

You know you secretly love Memes. You DO. 2007-09-26 10:44:00 Shamelessly heisted from Chaz, who swiped it from someone else...A Music Meme.*Put your MP3 player on shuffle, write down the first lines of the first twenty-five songs that come up, and then have people guess which songs they are.Like Chaz, if the first line or two gave away the title I used the next lines.1. Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?/I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season2. Cover me when I run/Cover me through the fire3. When I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide/Where I stop and I turn and I go for a ride4. Don't cry to me/If you love me/You would be here with me5. I live my life like there's no tomorrow/And all I've got I had to steal6. Makin' a livin' the old hard way/Takin' and givin' my day by day7. On a long & lonesome highway east of Omaha/you can listen to the engine moanin' out its one note song8. I don't need a-whole lots of money/I don't need a big fine car9. Friday night I crashed your party/Saturday I said I' ...

Fun With Google 2007-09-24 18:11:00 Just a few of the search terms that have brought the perverts people here this week:"Two Dogs Fucking" - Yep, still one of my favorite jokes."Scientific word for eating a girl" - Um...cannibalism?"Lime green boogers" - Okay, I understood the chocolate covered ones, but I know I've never said anything about lime green. And I really don't think they taste like lime. Maybe green apple."Birthday wish for an older woman" - Might I suggest one of these? I think it's one size fits all. Or maybe one of these. Either/or. ... Google

an old conversation 2007-09-23 22:23:00 no-longer-a-friend, really: "I gave birth to an 8 pound baby, yours was just over a pound. You can't possibly understand the pain I was in. Yours couldn't have hurt that much."Me: "I had a vaginal birth and a caesarean within an hour of each other. Top that."no-longer-a-friend, really: "...."Me: "Plus, what came out was still bigger than anything that ever went in."That is all.Have a day. ...

When in doubt, quiz. 2007-09-23 12:48:00 but first...Do you know Mr. Fabulous? The F-Man? if you don't, you should. Mostly I like him because he makes me laugh with his often twisted and dark humor, but it doesn't hurt that he thinks I'm the best DJ ever. (you people know that I'm easy and can be had for a compliment)(and plus I AM the best DJ ever)Anyway...Mr. Fab has decided that he really, really wants to win Best Humor Blog in the Blogger's Choice Awards, so I'm fixin' to lend a helping hand. (Notice in my sidebar that I have been nominated for a couple Blogger's Choice Awards, but I don't have very many votes. *sigh*)Help the F-Man win this category--srsly, dooce isn't really that funny. I'm so over her and I pity those of you who aren't.Let's help one of the "little people" win (no, he's not a dwarf or midget--at least, not that I'm aware of, I mean one of the commoners) and go cast your vote now!You Scored an AYou got 10/10 questions correct.It's pretty obvious that you don't make basic grammatical er ...

quickie 2007-09-21 17:44:00 Missed the show last night? Never fear, you can CLICK RIGHT HERE and then "Play" or "Download". Easy, no?You don't want to miss out on the Girl Power! show...every song had a girl's name in the title...From Zappa to Costello, BNL to Dr. Hook, Fountains of Wayne to Cat Stevens...AND MORE!Dear Cutie-pie who put a new tire on my car for me this morning,Have you ever heard the song "Older Women Are Beautiful Lovers"?Think about it.Rawr.Love,The Cougar ...

Cinderella 2007-09-20 10:01:00 My mind is logjammed, lately; trying to unstick a single (coherent) thought is next to impossible. Been thinking about my daughter. You know how awesome she is, right? Right. She is. Everyone thinks so, it isn't just me. You ever wonder if your kid has a calling of some sort? Because I wonder that sometimes. When she became interested in going to church I was very happy--I'm a semi-regular churchgoer and I was glad that she was curious. She loves going to church. She loves being involved with church. She asked her teachers at school if it was okay to pray in class and/or talk about God--some teachers said yes and some said no--and I thought, "When I was her age I would've been too embarrassed to do that".And my girl? She's the one who sits with different kids every day at lunch, especially if she notices someone sitting alone. No cliques or BFFs for her, no sirree. Where does she get that? Not from me. I'm WAY less of a good person than she is. I don't know how she's not t ...

Most Awesome Thing Ever 2007-09-18 21:05:00 Unbeknownst to me, my friend Ranger videotaped us last evening while we were having a dance-off. We gots mad skillz, as I'm sure you'll agree:Star in Your Own JibJab! It's Free! ...