The Daily Bitch
Putting the \'fun\' back into dysfunctional since...well, for a really long time. People tell me I\'m funny, which is weird to me because nobody ever gets my jokes. C\'mon over, it\'s more fun than a barrel of people. |
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Articles from The Daily Bitch |
Mother Talk Review: Lost and Found
2007-07-17 12:41:00
When I first heard the premise of the book "Lost and Found", I was delighted! See, it's about a fictional "Reality TV" show--very similar to The Amazing Race, but it includes a scavenger hunt. The two-person teams travel around the globe, finding clues and locating objects, then racing to the next point. I am, admittedly, a 'reality' TV junkie. I like to watch those shows as long as I can...well, bond with a few of the people featured. I have to become interested in them, or their situations, before I can enjoy the show.That's one of the reasons I loved this book; Carolyn Parkhurst takes the reader not only behind the scenes of a Reality TV show, but also gives a close up and personal look into the lives of the contestants, the host, AND the people responsible for the show--producers & camera-men included.I rarely read the chapter titles when I read a book; however, it was a necessary thing in this particular case because each chapter was the voice of a different contestant. And ...
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Why were you searching for that?
2007-07-15 20:08:00
but first...Missed my show last night? Download it RIGHT HERE.And look at the sidebar...see how close I am to my first goal of $500 for the Blogathon??There's a White Girl Rap on the line here, people. I'm thinking...Beastie Boys. Maybe.Recent searches that have landed people here, for some strange reason:"how do you forgive yourself for being a bitch to your ex boyfriend"Hon, I haven't figured that one out yet. And maybe he deserved it anyways."cannabalism in the British Navy"OH! I know this one! "There is no cannibalism in the British Navy, absolutely none, and by none I mean there is a certain amount." ~Sir John Cunningham (Monty Python)"bend forward bitch"Umm..you had to look that up? Actually it works better if you shut your pie hole & just bend me her over."Craig Ferguson Bumblebees"Is that a new fan club? Because I'll join! He is my future ex-husband, after all."inventive name to call people when your piss"When your piss what? Does it do a trick? Because COOL. Don't leave m ...
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How I Almost Had To Cut A Bitch
2007-07-15 10:29:00
Yesterday I was so excited to find out that Harry Potter was showing at the drive-in movie! We love the drive-in; it's cheap (3 movies for $5), plus we can take our own drinks & popcorn.Nancy Drew was the first movie...hated it. Let me qualify that: I hated it as a Nancy Drew movie. Had they called it anything else it might've been fine...but this wasn't Nancy Drew. This was Harriet The Spy meets The Scooby Gang.First of all, the kids all looked about 12 years old--barely. They made Nancy out as an unpopular, super-duper-nerd and a laughingstock...who was perfect in every other way. Knew all the answers in class, could run faster than anyone else...I would've hated her.Ned Nickerson? He was sort of rude, incredibly dorky, and...well, needy and clingy, sort of. *shudder* And the kid with the hair that looked like he had a dead animal on his head...let's not even go there.The very VERY brief glimpse of Hannah Gruen, the housekeeper, showed her as fat and dumpy with a very heavy Ge ...
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Thank You Notes.
2007-07-14 11:40:00
My fab friend Jules made my ever-lovin' day: I adore Jules--she's so very funny and warm, not to mention hospitable! She gives me a place to stay when I'm in her neck of the woods, and we drink a lot and laugh a lot and drunk call some of our friends. We go eat at the Best Chinese Food Restaurant Ever and enjoy the 'special guacamole'. :)So thank you very much!! And right back atcha. Seriously, where did you find that old picture of me?Love you bunches.I would also like to thank another fab friend, MommaK, for the pretty pink button.MommaK and I go way back (in blog-time, that is), and she was one of my very first favorites (and still is, I should add!). She's one of the very nicest people I know...and doesn't even smack me upside the head when I say something that comes out all wrong. For at least #1428 reasons (and probably even more), I love MommaK. A more wonderful and loyal friend doesn't exist. Thanks, honey. I think you're the ginchiest. ;)and a final thank you...To ...
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PUSH! DON'T HOLD BACK!
2007-07-12 14:25:00
Today is the first big Blogathon push for publicity.First, two things for you to look at:2006 Big-Ass List Of Sponsorsand2006 Bribe Payoff Songs, including the infamous "White Girl Rap".In case you hadn't heard yet, my Blogathon charity is United Cerebral Palsy. My son is severely affected by CP, so I can tell you from my own experience how wonderful UCP is.They provide equipment such as wheelchairs and communication boards, along with many other types of assistive technology.They also help provide services such as housing, therapy, assistive technology training, early intervention programs, individual and family support, social and recreation programs, community living, state and local referrals, employment assistance and advocacy.My family and my son's school have reaped the benefits of the UCP commitment.You should all know, if you're regular readers here, that I am not above begging and bribery. As I frequently mention on my radio show, I'm nothing more than a trained monkey ...
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SB Survivor Journal - Task Three Complete!
2007-07-10 16:59:00
Dear Diary,Mere words cannot convey the sheer suckage of this island. I think Utopia ate one of her turtles...raw. *glurg*I hurt my back, but I found that lying on the beach in the hot sun and sand makes it feel so much better, even though I've heard the others whispering about me just being lazy.So, anyway, I finally was able to steal one of Rose's watermelons, which I desperately needed to complete this task...which was to carve a watermelon like you would carve a Halloween pumpkin, only it should have something to do with Shitty Blog Survivor.I've never even carved a pumpkin.And here on the island, tools (other than seashells) are scarce.Speaking of seashells, the conch shell that Mango was pretending to use as an iPhone got broken when he dropped it on a tree stump.He screamed something unintelligible as he brandished the broken pieces of shell at us, and we all had a good hearty laugh the moment his back was turned.Anyway anyway anyway...I found an old rusty screwdriver (true s ...
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Sometimes inappropriate things are the funniest.
2007-07-08 16:50:00
Okay, this video is just...wrong.Didn't stop me from laughing like a moron, though.The "I'm gonna smack you!" had me in tears.The outtakes were pretty cute, too.Don't forget to tune in TONIGHT at 10pm CENTRAL for an hour of classical, jazz, and easy listening. If you're lucky, I'll play Muskrat Love for you. Again. :D ...
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Going down in flames
2007-07-07 14:55:00
I jumped the line in a funeral procession.I'm pretty sure I'll be going to hell for that.In my defense, it was a total accident. See, I was on the highway and I was in the far right lane, and the traffic was moving pretty slowly. I moved to the middle lane to get around the traffic (and MAN it was a looooooooong line), and then BOOM! there was my exit & I had to get over, so I cut in front of a slow moving old guy.It was a gray sort of day, so I didn't think twice over the fact that he had his headlights on.Then I got to the exit, and everyone was going right through the red light...with the aid of two motorcycle cops.Whoops.So I did what anyone would do...I stayed in the procession to avoid drawing attention to myself, right up until I was near my work and I found a side street down which I made a quick (and hopefully unobtrusive) turn.I'm such an asshole.and now, a big mess of crap:I'd like to have a man who would dance with me in the living room.And a man who can't get me ou ...
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"The time has come," the Walrus said, "to talk of other things..." *sticky note, scroll down for new stuff*
2007-07-06 13:54:00
Things such as...Give us your money. Well, PLEDGE to give us your money, anyway.BLOGATHON time approacheth--July 28th, to be exact.That means it's time to empty those piggy banks, check under the sofa cushions, & give 'til it hurts. Even if the pain starts at $5.00. Or $10.00. Or whatever you can afford to give.It's not for me, no no no. This year, as last year, I'll be blogging for 24 hours straight--at 30 minute intervals--to raise $$ for United Cerebral Palsy.In case you didn't know, that's one of the disabilities from which my son suffers.I've already asked for your Opening Lines, and I could use more. So feel free to WOW me with your creativity (as I have none of my own).Also, I have already offered up some bribes...and you know I NEVER EVER welsh. Right, Jeckles?Pledges are being accepted now! Head on over to the Blogathon site and look for me on the BLOG LIST. Sponsor my ass.Thank you. I love you. Pass it on. ...
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It's Friday...you know what that means!
2007-07-06 12:40:00
Tune in TOOOOOOONIGHT at 10pm EST for:Excellent music of all kindsReality TV updateYour HoroscopeThe BlogathonandMe.Only on The Empire. ...
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How lucky can a girl get?
2007-07-03 09:19:00
I've seen that pretty pink button around, but I didn't expect to find it here! But there you go, courtesy of two REALLY rockin' girl bloggers, Heather and Finn. To me, what makes this special is the giver(s).Heather and I have often remarked that we share a brain; we're like two halves of a whole. Our minds seem to run parallel, and our wavelengths match more often than not. You know those stories about twins separated at birth, who grow up and have done all the same things and lived close to the same lives, without ever knowing each other? Yeah, we're kind of like that, only not in a creepy way. I love Heather. You will too, once you get to know her; she's much nicer than me.And Finn? Oh, Finn. Were I man I would sweep her away into a torrid affair in some romantic setting, and I would have her write stories for me all day long and I would feed her grapes and wine. Beauty, incredible talent...an artist. I love Finn too.It's always amazing to me--flattering too, yes--when one o ...
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Mother Talk Blog Tour: 24-Hour Pharmacy
2007-07-02 09:19:00
Is it wrong that my first thought upon receiving this was "Yay, FREE BOOK!"? For the Mother Talk Blog Tour, I signed up to read The 24-Hour Pharmacist by Suzy Cohen, R.Ph. I was a little intimidated at first...but Dr. Suzy has made this easy to read, easy to understand, and even entertaining.It's not intended to replace visits to your doctor--there are plenty of warnings about that very thing. But one of the nicest things is that it helps you identify individual symptoms and what you can do about them--withOUT just adding another prescription drug.Just adjusting your diet the smallest bit and different vitamins can make a big difference in reducing fatigue and stress, mood swings, and just making you healthier all around.I had NO idea that apple-cider vinegar was good for so many things...including dandruff. And snoring.Don't like veggies? Did you know you can drink your greens?Learn how easy it is to treat:PMSBloatingHeartburnInsomniaHelp soothe your anxieties, lessen your hot flash ...
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Three things. Well, four. Four things. I think.
2007-07-01 04:03:00
1. Do me a favor? Run on over to my dearest darling pal DEBI's and wish her a very very very very Happy Birthday, won't you? (Yes, with exactly that number of verys)2. You remember THIS SITE that I told you about, where I can watch Buffy and Dead Like Me and Firefly and Fawlty Towers and The Vicar Of Dibley and SO SO SO MUCH MORE??They just added........21 Jump Street!!Three words:Young. Johnny. Depp.3. If you missed Friday's show, you can listen to the podcast now. Do it.(and tune in tonight at 10pm Central for an hour of classical, jazz, easy listening...and me)4. Sometimes the silence is so fucking loud. ...
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