The Daily Bitch Putting the \'fun\' back into dysfunctional since...well, for a really long time. People tell me I\'m funny, which is weird to me because nobody ever gets my jokes. C\'mon over, it\'s more fun than a barrel of people. Statistics Unique Visitors: Total Unique Visitors: Outgoing: Total Outgoing: 2 0 69 6276

Articles from The Daily Bitch

In case you missed it... 2007-07-28 09:30:00 (did you know it's not too late to SPONSOR ME? Because it's not!)Last night I paid off my first Blogathon Bribe--the $500 White Girl Rap.You can listen RIGHT HERE.Help me reach the next goal of $600, and the Eagles & I will perform "Hotel California" for your entertainment.If we get to $700, I will do a show tune...maybe from Chicago?Open up those wallets, empty that change jar... ...

So, anyway... 2007-07-28 09:00:00 I'm not really going to be posting anything in particular, for the most part...probably just the usual random junk.I will, however, try to keep them relatively short because let's face it, 49 posts in 24 hours is difficult as the day wears on, plus you don't want to get stuck here for 20 minutes reading some long-ass post--especially when there are so many other good posts to read by some other great bloggers, like Jeckles, IcePrincezz, Luka, and Pandora.Also? You should join me at Michele's Weekend Meet & Greet.Also also? You should tune in to Empire Radio, as we will be LIVE for the entire blogathon, including the "B" schedule. WOW! That's 39 hours!Also also also? Come on in to the Empire Radio CHAT ROOM and say HOWDY!!I just realized that the time stamp was set in the wrong time zone. D'OH!Speaking of D'OH!...Dear FOX,Yeah, we get it. Simpson's movie. Enough with the advertising already.Thank you. ...

I think I might actually live. 2007-07-28 08:30:00 I have coffee now.MMMMMMM coffee.Lifesblood.How can anyone not love coffee?HEY! Did you know that the Blogathon has begun?Did you know that it is NOT TOO LATE to SPONSOR ME?I'm blogging today for United Cerebral Palsy, in honor of my sweet son.The UCP is a great help to people with CP and their families--they're involved providing housing, advocacy, helping people with CP to find jobs and live independent lives.They provide equipment and assistive technology--my son loves the communication boards and touch-screen computers, because he can't speak.What a great charity! I'm honored to be raising money for them...so why don't you think about heading over to Sponsor Me. That'd be awesome.Plus, you know, the more you give, the more crappy singing I do for you. :) ...

BLOGATHON IS HERE! 2007-07-28 08:00:00 Good morning to you! Now, this being the VERY FIRST blogathon post, I wanted it to be something really special.But really, I haven't even had my coffee yet, so 'special' is just going to have to wait.Did anyone else have trouble sleeping last night? Because I could.not.sleep. I even went to bed a little early...but nooooooo. My mind was racing about a million different directions, PLUS my mother just gave my daughter a copy of the new Harry Potter and I desperately wanted to dive right into it.I knew that if I did, however, I could just forget about sleep completely.Now, the bad news is that I do have to work today, but I'll be working while Blogathonning...so at least during the first part of the day the posts may be a little short and I won't get around to do much visiting at first. Or chatting.But, you know, feel free to leave me a comment and I'll come visit you as soon as I can.I've got a lot of "Opening Lines", thanks to you, so throughout the day I'll be attempting to t ...

I KNOW! Isn't it EXCITING! 2007-07-27 20:16:00 It's just what you've been waiting for: The First Blogathon Bribe Pay-Off Song.Dedicated to my darlin' HOSS.Click here to get your own player.You want more? YOU CAN'T HANDLE MORE!But you can try, by sponsoring me in the blogathon! ...

The end of a dream. 2007-07-27 15:32:00 Actually, that's a bit of an overstatement...more like the end of the possibility of a dream.I don't understand how it's possible to feel genuinely happy for someone when the cause of the happiness hurts so badly that, just for a moment, it steals your breath. ...

WHAT? Already? 2007-07-27 10:23:00 BLOGATHON STARTS TOMORROW! BLOGATHON STARTS TOMORROW!Have you SPONSORED ME yet?Did you know that you can sponsor me all the way THROUGH the Blogathon and beyond? You can!Reasons you should:It's for an excellent charity, United Cerebral Palsy!It's tax deductible!!You love me!You want to support and encourage me!You will get to hear more silly songs sung really badly!COMING SOON!White Girl Rap, performed by me and Missy Elliot ($500 goal)$600 goal: Hotel California, performed by me and the Eagles$700 goal: A showtune of some sort, performed by me and...???$1000 goal: THREE songs, chosen by my beloved sponsorsGive until you squeal like a pig. Just like Ned Beatty. Please.TUNE IN TONIGHT for Friday Night Live, with your host...ME! 10pm EST, 9pm Central, 7pm PacificExcellent musicYour horoscope (with our special guest astrologer once again!)Reality TV updateBlogathon talkCome and play in the chat room. ...

Because sometimes the feelings overwhelm me 2007-07-25 19:02:00 Thank you, God......because she still holds my hand...because he still needs to sit in my lap and cuddle...because she still forgives my temperamental outbursts...because he has outlasted all estimatesFor these two small lives more precious than gold or jewelsor anything, anything on earth......Thank you, God. ...

To The BlogHer-ites 2007-07-25 14:07:00 Dear Everyone Who Is Going To BlogHer this weekend,A couple of things.1. I'm totally jealous of youandB. As some of you know, this Saturday I'm participating in the Blogathon. Many of you have generously sponsored me, for which I'm deeply appreciative. I will be blogging at 30 minute intervals for twenty-four hours straight.Now, I know there will be laptops there at BlogHer--it is, after all, a blogger conference! So I have one more request: Please please please find a moment or two on Saturday to stop in here briefly and tell me a story about what a wonderful time you're having at BlogHer, playing with all my other blog friends who are there with you. I will savor the envy and use it to spur myself on when I get really really tired in the wee hours of the morning and need a little incentive to push through.Drunken stories are also welcome, since I know some of you may be hitting the Fat Bastard (in birthday celebration, perhaps??).(What? You haven't sponsored me yet? What are you ...

Shitty Blog Survivor Journal - Task 4 2007-07-23 23:59:00 Dear Diary, Life on Survivor Island still sucks. Since I last had the energy to write, three of our number have gone. Yummy disappeared, like mist. Spooooky. Chad was taken away by some creepy dudes in sunglasses and dark suits; I suspect IRS trouble.And Tammy, poor Tammy...her watermelon carving didn't cut the mustard and she was fed to the sharks.That leaves only myself (who's the only one even CLOSE to normal at this point), Nat, Rose, Utopia, and Mango (who has remained chained to the tree since he cut his finger off during the last task, but he ain't dead yet, so I guess that's okay)Our newest task, if we hope to live to see another day, is to compose a piece of beat poetry for our mad leader's entertainment. The dirty bastid.I do know how to be innovative when necessary, so I stole used some of Utopia's empty turtle shells, some sticks and palm leaves, and composed my piece.Listen RIGHT HERE.Hopefully it won't get me fed to the sharks...or worse.Love and kisses,Me ...

Rainy Days and Mondays... 2007-07-23 11:36:00 I have a pair of green flip-flops. I also have another pair of green flip-flops with tropical flowers on the insoles and "Corona" on the straps.I left the house this morning wearing one of each.*sigh*It's gonna be a loooooong day.***I totally stole this from Nat, because it made me laugh a whole bunch. ...

A couple things... 2007-07-22 20:10:00 TUNE IN tonight for an hour of classical, jazz, & easy listening with ME, only on Empire Radio.Jeckles, I'm sorry, the Eminem song is too hard. I practiced it like thirty times and I just can't keep up with him.Nat, thanks for the Missy Elliot suggestion. I don't know any of her music, but I think I can do reasonably well on the one you suggested.I've decided to throw in a Blogathon bonus:I told you that when I raised $700 in pledges that I'd sing a showtune.Well, just to give you some incentive, for $600 in pledges I will sing "Hotel California" by the Eagles.So go! SPONSOR ME!Thanks y'all. ;) ...

Apparently I'm benevolent 2007-07-21 01:02:00 I stole this from Chaz's place:You can mouseover to see what the blocks mean.HERE ARE my full results.In case you want to see how I measure up against you.That is all. ...

Can I get a YEEHAW! ?? 2007-07-20 12:11:00 Thanks to my most generous sponsors (check 'em all out over there in the sidebar), I have reached my first goal of $500 in pledges!Now, I promised a White Girl Rap.I'm deciding between Eminem and The Beastie Boys and maybe one or two others.If there is a particular rap song you'd like to hear me screw up perform, I'll take it into consideration.THANK YOU to everyone who made this possible.Now, the next goal is $700, for which I will sing a showtune of some sort...perhaps from The Pajama Game or Chicago. Go forth and spread the Blogathon word! ...

Okay, time to get pushy. 2007-07-19 17:49:00 but first...Don't you hate it when you open the peanut butter jar and the level of the peanut butter inside is so low that you can't scoop it with your finger and have to get a spoon instead? And then realize your spoons are all dirty, so you have to scoop it out with a fork?Yeah, me too.NOW IS THE TIME FOR ALL GOOD...BLOGGERS...TO COME TO THE AID OF THEIR...FELLOW BLOGGERS.FIRST THINGS FIRST:THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT!!TOTAL SO FAR: $469.14HOSSICEPRINCEZZFINNDEEJAYPETERJAMES GOODMANTHUMPERLUKAMICHELECAROLMEGDIZBRIANOKIEDOKE MIKEALALABOBBY MCGEEMOMMAKLACIKIM A.ANONYMOUSNow, wouldn't you like to have your name on the list with the other cool kids?? Of course you would. All you have to do is SPONSOR ME.$469.14 is fabulous, and my charity and I are so very appreciative! But come on, we can do better than that, can't we? Together? We're less than halfway to last year's total...and we haven't even hit my first goal of $500 yet. But I know we can do it! There's a White ...