The Daily Bitch
Putting the \'fun\' back into dysfunctional since...well, for a really long time. People tell me I\'m funny, which is weird to me because nobody ever gets my jokes. C\'mon over, it\'s more fun than a barrel of people. |
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Articles from The Daily Bitch |
Opening Lines
2007-07-29 01:00:00
This is harder than it looks."Wow, what a crazy night," she thought as she picked the Cheerios from her cleavage.Then she looked around and realized she had no idea where she was. Thoughtfully she nibbled one of the cleavage-Cheerios and tried to find her last clear memory...HEY! I just had a good idea. YOU get to add the next sentence. :)I know, I know.My brain hurts. ...
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Holy Cow
2007-07-29 00:30:00
See, I'm trying to catch up on a little blog reading, and I forgot to write a post!C'mon coffee, finish a-brewin' so that I can partake of your deliciousness.Dangit. I've got to un-fuzzle my brain. ...
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Not a hundred. Not even close.
2007-07-28 23:30:00
Okie doke, I've never done of those "100 Things About Me", because, well, there aren't 100 interesting things about me, and plus I'm sure you'd be bored half to death before you got into double digits.I have, however, posted a half-dozen things about myself from time to time, so I'll just put 'em all right here for you & see how many I come up with.1. I am terribly shy.2. I work hard to overcome that.3. I don't care much for people in general...except for you, of course.4. I am frequently weepy and emotional, even when I don't have PMS.5. I am naive and cynical at the same time.6. I am pessimistically optimistic~I hope for the best, expect the worst, and am always surprised at the outcome.7. I hold entire conversations with myself, OUT LOUD. Sometimes in the mirror.8. I sometimes shout "SPOOOOOOOOON!" or "CATFISH!" for no apparent reason. (actually they're inside jokes, but I use them even when no-one is around to get it)9. I like to belch REAAAAALY long & loud, Booger style. ...
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Crikey
2007-07-28 23:00:00
Time to pull it together!I'm not on the air again for a few hours, so I'll get some better posts coming up sooooon! And then I'll remind you all to check out my charity, United Cerebral Palsy, for whom I am blogging. Have you sponsored me yet? Don't you think it's time you did? :) ...
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ONLY A HALF HOUR MORE ON THE AIR!
2007-07-28 22:30:00
Then I'll be able to pay more attention here...and post more than 10 words at a time.Hey, I'm blonde and multitasking doesn't come easy. :D ...
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whoohoo!!
2007-07-28 22:00:00
I hope this is my second wind I'm feeling now...YEAH BABY! Soon's I get finished with my shift at Empire Radio, I'll be working on some more Opening Line stories..and hopefully have a few minutes to catch up on some of your posts!! Stay tuned! ...
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whoops!
2007-07-28 21:30:00
I'm getting loopy, I almost missed a post! CRAAAZY!Forgive the short little posts, I'm broadcasting & having a little trouble staying on track.In fact, I almost posted this one at 9pm, because I forgot I'd already done one. ...
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dance dance dance
2007-07-28 21:00:00
How are YOU staying awake?The can of suck I drank was nasty, but very helpful.My eyes are the worst part, they're SO VERY TIRED.I'm on the air, if you want to tune in! CHAT ROOM is open and full of fun folks! ...
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Shakin' it like a polaroid picture
2007-07-28 20:30:00
Got some dancin' tunes on right now, you should TUNE IN!My darling daughter Cinderella Becca just made me a most delicious pot of fresh coffee...she's an expert and should have no trouble finding employment at Starbucks. Which would rock because then hey, free coffee.I just drank some energy drink called 180 Blue with Acai...it is the suck. ...
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my turn! my turn!
2007-07-28 20:00:00
Guess what? You can tune in to EMPIRE RADIO and listen to me play a fab mix of music for the next three hours!Come on, join the Empire.Have you sponsored your blogger today? ...
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Another quickie
2007-07-28 19:30:00
because I need to get outside and streeeeeeeetch a little bit and kick the ol' brain up a notch because in a half an hour I'll be ON THE AIR!Now, have you sponsored me yet? It's not too late! We're getting very close to the $700 goal, which means I will sing you a show tune. And I'll sing it very, very badly.Last year I sang badly too, wanna hear?? ...
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Blogathon Contest!
2007-07-28 19:00:00
For the CONTEST!Man, it is HOT in here. I'm stripped down as far as I can decently go at the moment.Of course, someone just knocked at the door.A handsome stranger. Can you believe my luck? He said, "I'm the plumber. I've come to....snake out your pipes."*cue music*BOWN CHICKA BOW BOW wocka-chicka wocka-chicka wocka-chickaHAHAHA!Just kidding.I feel silly, oh so silly... ...
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Quick Self Check
2007-07-28 18:30:00
Tired? Yeah, a little...luckily not sleepy just at the mo'Ass numb? oh HELL yeahEyes? ooh, the eyes are tired, but I'm trying to remember to close them for a few minutes every so often.Post ideas? mmm, running a little low, but still have the Opening Lines to attempt to think through.Overall? still kickin' it, baby.Please oh please, let it be bedtime for the children soon.I will be ON THE AIR in an hour and half! ...
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OPENING LINES
2007-07-28 18:00:00
In case you're a little behind, here's what:A while back I asked for some Opening Lines for the Blogathon, and I will use those to create a very short (and crappy) story or something...story-like.(if you think of a good Opening Line you'd like for me to use, leave it in the comments!)(and of course, I will link YOUR opening line to YOUR blog)There are worse things a man could do than clip his toenails all over my favorite comforter, but I can't think of a single one right at the moment.She looked at the clippings lying there innocently, feeling the rage bubble up inside. Snatching up the offending comforter, Sally stomped to the balcony doors, threw them open with a crash, and gave the comforter a couple of vicious shakes over the railing.Sally returned to the bedroom, spread the comforter back across the big king-size bed, and lovingly smoothed it...and felt a sharp sting as something sliced the meaty part of her palm."DAMMIT!" she screamed, shaking her hand, looking to see what ...
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