The Daily Bitch
Putting the \'fun\' back into dysfunctional since...well, for a really long time. People tell me I\'m funny, which is weird to me because nobody ever gets my jokes. C\'mon over, it\'s more fun than a barrel of people. |
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Articles from The Daily Bitch |
Thank heavens THAT'S over
2007-12-28 12:40:00
Not that I don't love the gift giving--that's actually my favorite part of Christmas. No, it's the SHOPPING and the CROWDS and the UNIDENTIFIABLE STRESS that I don't care for so much.AND.I simply love how, when people get a present, they do nothing but complain about it. Way to go. NICE.Maybe you should just be thankful that someone thought enough about you to give you one, whether or not it's something you wanted, whether or not it's something you wouldn't have chosen for yourself, whether or not you even like the gift.THOSE people are the true Grinches who steal Christmas.Is all I'm saying.**I should note that there ARE a couple of exceptions, like if your spouse gives you appliances for which you had not expressed any desire, or if someone gives your kid a pet without checking with you first.Some of those Grinches are members of my family, unfortunately. However, me being who I am, I couldn't remain silent. THEIR shame, not mine.and now for something completely different... ...
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Just to cover all the bases...
2007-12-25 08:47:00
A VERY HAPPY HOLIDAY, NO MATTER HOW YOU CHOOSE TO CELEBRATE. Or not celebrate.I love love love you all; your threads are very important in the tapestry of my life.I choose to celebrate Christmas, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JESUS.No matter how you spend this day, I pray that for each of you it is filled with love, laughter, peace, and joy...and, of course, chocolate.XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX from me to you. ...
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Word Picture Sunday
2007-12-23 21:58:00
Join in the fun...don't forget to put your link in the Mr. Linky box so that everyone may come and admire your handiwork! (Smiler has kindly agreed to work on a special Word Picture button--hopefully it will be available soon!)Now unroll your blogroll and grab a thesaurus--it's time for WORD PICTURE SUNDAY!The rules are quite simple:1. Pick a name from your blogroll2. Think of a single word that you feel describes that person3. Open an IMAGE SEARCH engine, type in the word, and find the picture that fits.4. Post the blog, word, and picture.See how easy? Many of our blogrolls have lots of the same names, so I'll be very interested to see what words YOU come up with for those people.This week I picked a newer face 'round this part of the blogosphere, a friend who(m?) I met on Twitter. He's deliciously sweet, totally cute, and makes me laugh every single day. If you don't know him already, then I strongly suggest you go introduce yourself to Mike Doe. You'll like him. If you don't ...
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Dear Santa
2007-12-22 18:35:00
My daughter always has...interesting...Christmas lists.Like three years ago, when the list consisted of:BaitFishing rodSailboatTopping the list almost every year is batteries, because she knows that she'll get a stockingful of assorted sizes and FINALLY be able to use her flashlight and boombox again.This year? Since she'll be a true teenager in a couple of months, I was expecting maybe nail polish, perfume, makeup (to which I would've said not only NO, but HELL no--at least to the make-up, not at twelve-almost-thirteen. Call me a Puritan if you want, I don't care, I won't have a tartlet), stuff like that. Instead? Slides and slide covers for the microscopeSet of encyclopediasNew journalPokemon DiamondBooksI have successfully managed to raise a nerd. At least she's not a hoochie.P.S. I love nerds. And geeks are hot. ...
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Dear Everyone...
2007-12-19 17:59:00
Dear Everyone Including Businesses And People To Whom I Don't Really Speak:I'm stupid, and I accidentally sent an Stumble-Upon invitation to everyone I've ever G-mailed.Please disregard, and go on about your life.Thank you.Yours in total mortification,aka_monty ...
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It's tough to find good child care...
2007-12-18 19:10:00
...but I was sent to a place called Care.com, and guess what? They do the work for you!Through the wonderful women of Mom Central Consulting, I was given the opportunity to check out what is, to me, an invaluable resource.As a parent, many of you are aware of how difficult it is to find someone to mind your children--apart from daycare, I mean. If you're a SINGLE parent, it's even more difficult, because there's no co-parent to fall back on if you need to go holiday shopping, or if you just need a break for a few hours.Remember when we were teenagers and babysat the neighborhood kids? Yeah, kids don't much do that anymore. Not even for friends of the family. Of course, a lot of teenagers nowadays think working at any job is beneath them, but that's a-whole-nother rant for a-whole-nother day.ANYWAY. (Mamacita, see what I left off JUST FOR YOU? heehee)Being a single parent with a non-disabled AND a severely disabled child...well, you can imagine what it's like to find a sitter. O ...
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INTERNETS! OH INTERNETS, how I've missed you!
2007-12-17 20:11:00
I'm tongue-kissing the cable guy right now. I might blow him later, but that'll be for my own entertainment, since I HAVE MY SWEET INTERNETS BACK!I thought I was going to die. I felt so out of the loop and cut off from civilization...it was terrible. It was like I was living in the middle ages or something. Having no internet was WAY WORSE than having no electricity, I'm not even joking. So, what've you been up to the last week? All the deets, if you please. And BIG THANKS to all of you who sent concerned emails & left comments--I always liked you guys the best anyways. The rest of you can suck it. :)And giant thanks to The F-Man for stepping into the breach for me. XOXOXOANYWAY.I'm cranky, crabby, crampy, rude, and nasty (oh sure, like you didn't already know that!)...but luckily I was able to vent most of it out on Cox Cable, as I made my FIFTH and FINAL call today, chewing my way through three layers until I got to a boss-guy of some sort. I guess I scared them, so GO ME.I th ...
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She's alive....she's ALIVE!
2007-12-11 19:49:00
Hi! Mr. Fabulous here!Monty would like everyone to know that she will be returning soon. There has been some icky weather in Oklahoma, and she is without power. She's got a ton of trees down and a couple of power lines on her car, but her and the kids are fine.Well...with no power, they are probably a little stinky.And cranky.On the plus side, she has an electric car now. Way to care about the environment, Monty! You inspire us all!She promises some kick ass pictures when she returns.Until then...you're stuck with me. I'm not as pretty, but I put out. ...
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Word Picture Sunday
2007-12-09 10:24:00
Yes yes, I know I did not do a Word Picture Sunday last week. I don't really remember why, but I'm QUITE sure that I have a really, really good excuse reason.Let's move on, shall we?Join in the fun...don't forget to put your link in the Mr. Linky box so that everyone may come and admire your handiwork!Now unroll your blogroll and grab a thesaurus--it's time for WORD PICTURE SUNDAY!The rules are quite simple:1. Pick a name from your blogroll2. Think of a single word that you feel describes that person3. Open an IMAGE SEARCH engine, type in the word, and find the picture that fits.4. Post the blog, word, and picture.See how easy? Many of our blogrolls have lots of the same names, so I'll be very interested to see what words YOU come up with for those people.There's this girl I know who just happens to live in the same great state. She's a mom, up until recently she was in school getting a degree, she's whimsical, funny with a subtle sarcasm. She's just great--great person, grea ...
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Listen, you.
2007-12-07 20:25:00
No really, listen. Tonight at 9pm CST (10pm EST, 7pm PST) you can listen to FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE with MONTY!You can tune in HERE or even HERE.Chat room will be open!Come on. You know you want to. Plus? You like me that way. ...
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Bits and Pieces of General Nothingness
2007-12-06 16:10:00
Music WAS my boyfriend, but he couldn't satisfy me. Probably because I didn't have one of these.The only spirit I'm filled with during the holiday season (besides, well, spirits, like booze) is the spirit of the Mean Green Furry One.His name starts with "G".You know.Grouch, Oscar the.I've been using all my best odd thoughts on twitter.com.That hardly seems fair, does it?Like:I have too much emotional baggage to fit comfortably in the overhead compartment. And:My children are nearly thirteen years old and I still have no idea how to be a parent. It's a wonder they're not feral.Does this body make me look fat?Does my ass make these pants look fat?Where's my trashcan?S.Grouch, Oscar the ...
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Two little things
2007-12-05 08:02:00
LAST CALL! Better hurry up if you don't want to miss your chance to get in on this hellaciously good deal!Missed the show Friday? No sweat, Chet.It was DOUBLE SUPER SIZE fun--with special guest star Golfwidow followed by an unexpected guest star, Jeckles!It was so much fun that we just kept going, for FOUR HOURS.There was music.There was sex talk.There may have been an orgy.There was fun and frolic-y goodness.You can listen while you play around on the computer all day.**This particular show is NOT NOT NOT for children or the easily offended. You've been warned.That is all.Have a day. ...
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November Perfect Post Award Time!
2007-12-03 09:36:00
You know that to me, all your posts are Perfect, made so mostly by their imperfection--not necessarily any imperfections in the post, but by the author's imperfection. Don't take offense. We're human and therefore flawed, and therefore MUCH more interesting. Perfect people with perfect lives are boring plastic and sawdust illusions.I prefer the real people, who aren't afraid to show the bad stuff without coating it with a glossy veneer to hide the cracks. That's why I chose the postDear Mom, by the lovely, gritty, REAL Melody from Shoo Fly.The post ripped me and made me weep; it showed me Melody's heart.It also served as a huge reminder that we shouldn't take our families, our friends, for granted--not ever, not one single minute.Thanks for that, Melody. And thanks for being courageous enough to show more than just your surface face.so in case I didn't mention it yet...I love you. Pass it on. ...
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MotherTalk Book Review - The Daring Book For Girls
2007-12-01 20:07:00
I'm about to help you with your Christmas shopping--for the women AND the girls in your life.YOU ARE WELCOME.I was so excited to make it onto the MotherTalk Blog Tour for the Daring Book For Girls, by Andrea J. Buchanan and Miriam Peskowitz.From the back of the book: "For every girl with an independent spirit and a nose for trouble, here is the no-boys-allowed guide to adventure."I'd told my daughter that WE were going to review the book...when it finally came she snatched it away and I didn't see her for three days. When she finally surfaced, the floor of her bedroom looked like a paper airplane graveyard and every shoelace and piece of string in our house had been tied into a hundred different kinds of knots.She said, "Hey mom! Do we have any lemon juice? Or onions? Because I can make invisible ink and we need to go out in the yard and look for some bird feathers--maybe some of the crow feathers because they're big and did you know we can make quill pens out of those and oh yeah ...
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