The Daily Bitch Putting the \'fun\' back into dysfunctional since...well, for a really long time. People tell me I\'m funny, which is weird to me because nobody ever gets my jokes. C\'mon over, it\'s more fun than a barrel of people. Statistics Unique Visitors: Total Unique Visitors: Outgoing: Total Outgoing: 4 0 0 7167

Articles from The Daily Bitch

Because it's friday and because I can. 2008-02-08 18:16:00 Just in case you were planning to do something else tonight:FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE! (with me, of course)Tonight. 9pm CST, 10pm ESTOnly on Empire RadioIt's FLOYD-A-PALOOZA!(PINK FLOYD, that is)Tune in HERE or HERE.CHAT ROOM will be open!Srsly. All the cool kids are doing it. ...

Because I am a mother and therefore master of the guilt-trip 2008-02-06 11:56:00 Every time you don't leave a comment, an angel gets its wings...smashed. ...

The Great Interview Experiment! 2008-02-05 16:01:00 The ever-wonderful Neil from Citizen Of The Month came up with a fun game in which bloggers interview other bloggers:The Great Interview Experiment!I know, I know, we've all done memes in a similar fashion, but the fun part about THIS game is that most of us are interviewing/being interviewed by bloggers that we don't really know, as opposed to our friends & regular readers.I've found an assload of groovy new-to-me blogs, so THANKS NEIL for that!One of the excellent new blogs I've found is She Just Walks Around With It...who just happens to have drawn me to interview.Poor thing. I know. I'm a crappy interview subject, because when I TRY to be funny, it just never works.So, sorry in advance.Interview conducted by She Just Walks Around With It, in a top secret location.1. Getting right into it -- blogger to blogger, what is your overall philosophy on mean commenters (or emailers) who feel the need to make personal judgments about you and your life choices? (I think a lot of blogger ...

Brain Gumbo. Hungry? 2008-01-25 17:15:00 ...but first...TONIGHT. 9pm CST, 10pm EST, 7pm PSTFRIDAY NIGHT LIVE WITH MONTY!Featuring: PRINCE-A-PALOOZA!Fun and frolic.Music and me.And stuff.Only on Empire Radio!Tune in HERE or HERE.Chat room will be open.My mind is often like gumbo, just a big mess of all sorts of stuff, some of it (like boiled okra) quite unappetizing.Mostly I blog just random, unconnected bites of gumbo: a little shrimp here, a little andouille there, some chunks of this or that.Served over rice.The problem with twitter.com (and I've mentioned this before) is that all my random thoughts are going on there, then I feel silly putting them here, because then a few of you have to sit through them twice.Oh well. Some of them are tasty enough for a second helping.Or maybe I just have delusions of grandeur.Sometimes when I say I wish I had some Baked Lays, I might mean that I wish I had some stoned sex.Or maybe I just want potato chips.Whenever I click the "Tools" button, I have the irrational thought that I'll see ...

So what? 2008-01-23 16:55:00 "It's been buildin' up inside of me for, oh I don't know how long..."PMS brings out the darkest of the dark side in me.Okay, so sometimes I complain blog about how much I hate having to struggle.How I hate being POOR.How...challenging it is to still be feeding and diapering and carrying my boy on my hip after nearly thirteen years (God willing, I'll be doing it for the rest of my life).How sometimes I just don't think I handle not one more single second of my life.How my heart hurts and my back aches and my head pounds and oh-for-the-love-of-the-sweet-baby-Jesus how tired I am. Right down to the bone.So what?Things aren't all sunshine & lollipops & puppy kisses, I'm not cut out to be chipper, and I have a tendency toward depression and anxiety (thank you ZOLOFT for my functionality!).So what?Here's what: Don't you ever, ever send me another email accusing me of "overplaying the sympathy card".Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, partner.I don't care how well-intentioned you ...

Mother Talk - BODY DRAMA! 2008-01-18 19:46:00 As the mother of an almost-teenage-girl, I was VERY glad to be able to get on this blog-tour for Mother Talk! If you've got a daughter--even a little one, because she's going to grow up eventually whether you want her to or not--you need to check out this book: BODY DRAMA, by Nancy Redd.At first, I'd heard that some of the mothers found this book a bit too intense--and it IS intense, in many ways. There are NAKED PICTURES! OF BREASTS! ALL SIZES OF BOOBIES! AND VULVAS! ALL SHAPES OF VAJAYJAYS! Sure, I felt a little weird when I first took a peek--but seriously, how many of you haven't wondered what other women looked like under their clothes?OH COME ON.Don't act like you never thought can her boobs POSSIBLY be that perky or is she just wearing a really great bra? or how does her ass MOVE like that and not jiggle?YOU HAVE. Admit it.So yeah, lots of pictures.But here's the great thing: if you're not comfortable handing the book over to your daughter to read alone, it IS completely ...

Are you freakin' psycho?? 2008-01-14 19:00:00 So I was reading this book (no, I'm not tellin' which one, because I know some of you have this book & I don't want you to go look it up) and one of the characters says, "The psychopath's test. It's supposed to tell you if you have the mind of a psycho. IF you get it right, you do."The story goes like this:At her mother's funeral, a woman met this guy and fell instantly in love. But she never got his name, number, or ANYTHING about him. A few days later, the woman killed her sister.And now, THE TEST! Why did she kill the sister?If you answer correctly, then you think like a psychopath.Now, I thought long and hard and I did NOT come up with the correct answer.I don't know if that means I don't have the mind of a psycho...or if I just don't have a very creative one.What's your answer?(I'll post the answer tomorrow evening) ...

Word Picture Sunday 2008-01-13 15:56:00 but first...If you missed the live version on Friday night, you can get the podcast right here. See that you do so soonest. There may be a quiz.And now...Unroll your blogroll and grab a thesaurus--it's time for WORD PICTURE SUNDAY!The rules are quite simple:1. Pick a name from your blogroll2. Think of a single word that you feel describes that person3. Open an IMAGE SEARCH engine, type in the word, and find the picture that fits.4. Post the blog, word, and picture.See how easy? Many of our blogrolls have lots of the same names, so I'll be very interested to see what words YOU come up with for those people.I have a blog-friend whom I've been lucky enough to meet in person. Well, I have several of those, actually, but today I'm only talking about one in particular: Steph of Incurable Insomniac. Steph is the BEST: Best in offering unquestioning support, accomplished in writing, creating music, and being a completely interesting person. Steph is alive and quirky and generous and wonder ...

FRRRRRIDAY! You know what that means... 2008-01-11 19:52:00 That's right, the event you await ever so anxiously every week:FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE (with MONTY!)9pm CST, 10pm EST, 7pm PSTOnly on Empire Radio!You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll throw up a little in your mouth.Tonight: By request, ABBA-PALOOZA! Plus! your horoscope, reality TV update, obscure 70s music, and other stuff I like.Tune in RIGHT HERE.Chat room will be open! ...

Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday! 2008-01-10 17:46:00 I like the look of my hands.They're not pretty, dainty, or elegant.They're not smooth and soft.The nails are unmanicured and unpolished.They are, however, strong and capable. ...

Now I've seen (damn near) EVERYTHING. 2008-01-09 16:34:00 Dear Joaquin,Umm....what?Dude, whatever you're smoking that makes you misspell your own name...I'll have some of that.Hoping that you retain your sanity,Monty ...

Remove with alcohol. 2008-01-06 19:57:00 Wouldn't it be cool if makeup worked like temporary tattoos?Just pick one that said "Evening", "First Date", "Work", "Casual"...Slap it on your face, wet the back, and peel off the paper.VOILA!I would so buy that. ...

Word Picture Sunday 2008-01-06 11:03:00 I know, you missed WPS, dintchoo? ...but first...GO ME! TUNE IN TO MR. FAB'S show on Blog Talk Radio, because I ROCK SO MUCH I GET TO BE ON WITH HIM!woooo!It's TONIGHT (Sunday) at 6pm CST, 7pm EST, raht heah.Be there or else you are full of suck.The "Honesty" post, for those of you who emailed or commented wondering what happened to it, is buried in a shallow grave in an undisclosed location.Police are investigating, but have no real leads at this time.If you missed MY live show on Friday (QUEENAPALOOZA!), you can get the podcast now!And now.Unroll your blogroll and grab a thesaurus--it's time for WORD PICTURE SUNDAY!The rules are quite simple:1. Pick a name from your blogroll2. Think of a single word that you feel describes that person3. Open an IMAGE SEARCH engine, type in the word, and find the picture that fits.4. Post the blog, word, and picture.See how easy? Many of our blogrolls have lots of the same names, so I'll be very interested to see what words YOU come up with for th ...

You thought I forgot, dintcha? 2008-01-04 20:46:00 NO.SUCH.LUCK.Friday Night Live with Monty!Tonight. 9pm CST, 10pm EST, 7pm PSTTune in right here OR right here.Playing all the music you forgot you liked.PLUS!Reality TV updateYour fo' reals horoscopeFun fun funand Me.Chat room will be open! ...

*ring ring* 2008 Calling... 2007-12-30 12:51:00 but first...Word Picture Sunday v. 2008 will return next week!andin case you missed the show on Friday, I put it here for you.New Year's resolutions? Resolution is such a strong word...we'll just leave that out.New Year's Suggestions:1. Don't be such a bitch2. ...Yeah, that's it, that's all I've got.And let's be honest here, I doubt I'll keep that one either.I wasn't going to do it, but I changed my other mind.BEST OF 2007("Best" being relative, you know)January '07: Putting the 'fun' back in funeral - Remembrance and MY FINAL WISHES.March '07: Mmm, Craig Ferguson - Friday Thoughts.April '07: Mother talk - Fearless Friday and I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell.May '07: Dredging the bottom of the barrel - Say It Ain't So!August '07: Always On MondaySeptember '07: Typical Monty - All The Little PiecesOctober '07: Mondays seem to be my best days - Monday Discoveries and Odd ThingsNovember '07: Java issues - What? What Did I Do?December '07: ICE STORM 2007! - I ...