Just One Single's Blog Blog about the single life. Its challenges and rewards. Some people love it, some hate it, some are trying to change it. Thoughts on emotional and spiritual challenges on living alone and making it through life successfully as a single. Statistics Unique Visitors: Total Unique Visitors: Outgoing: Total Outgoing: 4 0 25 783

Articles from Just One Single's Blog

Valentine's Day - Ugh! 2008-02-05 09:14:00 Every year we're faced with holidays. We have Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, then Valentine's Day, which I attribute about as much fun as tax day on April 15th. Here we are. Another year. No flowers. No candy. No card. No dinner out. No kiss. No proposal. No one whispering in our ear, "I love you." Shall I say it? It sucks. Okay, I've got that out of my system.How did this holiday come about anyway? If you're dying to know the real story, it wasn't Hallmark cards or 1-800-Flowers who came up with the idea. Here's a link to educate yourself on the origin of Valentine's Day. Seems like the pagans came up with it first, then Christianity took it from there. The Europeans believed it was the day the birds started to mate!So what do you do with Valentine's day when you have no one? My advice, don't be anxious about it or feel left out. Show someone in your life you care about them instead. Remember, it's better to give than to receive. Turn it around and shed love to ...

Bloom Where You're Planted 2008-02-01 08:38:00 You've heard the saying, "Bloom where you're planted." As a single, what does that mean for you?Being alone has taught me valuable lessons. It's also opened my eyes to the possibilities that await before me as a human being and gives me the opportunities to explore the gifts I was born with without hindrance or distraction.I believe every one has gifts and special talents. You do too! You may not think so, because they lie dormant under the soil of your life. However, with a little watering, those gifts can bloom and you'll realize what they are. Some of you know your gifts, but you've done nothing with them. You're hiding them in the soil, because you're afraid to step out in faith and see where they will take you.For me, I've always wanted to write. When I was a little girl, I wrote stories with my best girlfriend about the Beatles (yes, this statement ages me). We use to fantasize on paper about being part of their lives. As I grew up, I sporadically wrote stories in school ...

The Message of the Rose 2008-01-26 10:00:00 The rose is a beautiful flower. It's been adored throughout history. A flower of romance and symbolism. We write songs and poems about it. We hold tournaments and parades in its honor. We crush its fragrant petals to make perfume. It's the flower of choice to give to someone you love.As beautiful as the rose is, however, it holds a hidden dark side. If it's not handled carefully in its beauty, it can cause great pain. How interesting that nature has designed a flower so beautiful to look at, but so painful to the touch. Has nature (or God) left a message in creation that as beautiful as romantic love can be, it can contain a thorn to pierce our hearts as well?I'm reminded of the scene in the Phantom of the Opera where Christine carries the red rose he's given her to the rooftop. After she declares her love for Raoul, she drops the rose that the Phantom had given her in the cold snow. As he picks up the discarded symbol of his love, he feels the thorn of rejection once again in the ...

Rescue Me 2008-01-20 00:00:00 It's been an interesting journey having a website for singles at JustOneSingle.com. I've accomplished the Google challenge of coming up in the top 15 in the keyword search "Single Help," but traffic to my site has been fairly low. I'm observing an interesting trend in the single world that most people would rather be rescued from single life than strengthened in single life. My web poll stats tell the story. 83% are divorcees17% never married33% are surviving single life67% are trying to change it0% are loving itPretty much tells it all. The majority of us are looking to be rescued from single life, which makes me wonder if I missed the mark and should have started a dating site instead. The votes are in, we all want out. Looks like we want rescuing instead of help.Hang in their, friends! Rescue is on the way."Rescue me. Oh take me in your arms. Rescue me. I want your tender charms. 'Coz I'm lonely and I'm blue. I need you and your love too. Come on and rescue me. " Rescue Me." ( ...

Loneliness - No Respector of Persons 2008-01-11 23:35:00 Have you read the latest? Tyra Banks in an issue of Essence magazine is quoted as saying, "I'd go to work [on 'The Tyra Banks Show'], and women would be crying in my arms. But then I'd go home and put my key in my door and nothing. No friends, no husband, no children. I feel so full when I'm at work, but so empty when I come home." Reminds me of Whitney Houston singing the song, Run to You, with the words, "I play the role of someone always in control. But at night I come home and turn the key there's nobody there, no one cares for me. What's the sense of trying hard to find your dreams without someone to share it with? Tell me what does it mean?"Interesting isn't it? Loneliness seems to have no respect for anyone. Doesn't matter if you're a famous gorgeous model, singer, TV or movie star, 18 to 80, or just a 57 year old woman like myself. We all have the same experience, that when we turn the key and enter our homes, loneliness is there waiting for us.At work I have people ...

Contentment vs. Complacency 2008-01-05 12:19:00 I was thinking the other day how I’ve changed. There was a time I use to be so anxious about finding a husband, that it pretty much consumed my daily life. However, now I have a strange feeling of "I really don’t care." I’m trying to determine after being alone for so many years whether I’m bordering on contentment or complacency. Being content means that you are satisfied with what you have and don’t need anything more to be happy. It’s a state you finally reach or finally learn to live in. You stop striving and being anxious for what you don’t have and learn the secret of contentment in what you do have. You’re at rest about your situation, and at peace in the stage of life you find yourself. In the long run learning to be content in whatever situation you live is the safest place to be. It brings peace, but also keeps the door open for a potential mate. You don’t close the door to the possibility of finding someone, but you have found some contentment while you’r ...

New Year Reflections & Resolutions 2007-12-29 13:05:00 My favorite day of the year is January 1. I actually get more excited about New Year’s day than any other holiday. It’s my R&R day - reflection and resolution day. There’s just something wonderful about the first day of a new year. It’s a new beginning, a clean slate, a year stretched before us with endless possibilities, hopes, and unknowns. What could be more exciting?On New Year’s Day I can reflect on the past year, remember it’s high points and low points. It was filled with single struggles and the usual single disappointment of spending another year alone. All the online dating sites failed to deliver (where’s my money-back guarantee?), and I didn’t meet anyone at the last single group or bump into the love of my life on the street. I learned a lot this past year too. I matured a bit, grew a bit emotionally, lost an old love, took my pain and reached out to others, tried something new, lost weight, gained it back, found a few more grey hairs and wrinkles, and ... Amp

Finding Purpose in Life 2007-12-22 11:36:00 Dr. Rick Warren wrote a book a few years ago called the "Purpose Driven Life" that made it to the best seller list. Since that book was released, having purpose in life seems to be a hot topic on the Internet. What is purpose? According to the dictionary one of it's definitions is the reason for which something exists. Being alone as a single and dealing with loneliness, it's pretty tough to find the reason for existence, isn't it? So why are we here? Where do we find purpose? Here are a few thoughts from my own life.I've learned that finding meaning and purpose in life cannot be dependent upon the people or relationships around us. For my own life, taking care of my elderly mother before she passed away gave me purpose. But when she died, it left a hole. Being married and taking care of my husband and a home gave me purpose, but when my marriage ended and I was no longer wanted, it left a hole. Taking care of my son gave me purpose, but then he grew up, left home, and got married. ...

Pursuit of Happiness 2007-12-16 13:49:00 Are you happy? I keep stumbling across that question on the Internet quite a bit. It's usually posted on websites where there are open questions and everyone can pop in with their own answer. In all the answers I've read, I haven't seen one yet that has that all encompassing right-on response to the secret of happiness, though it seems people are trying awfully hard to find it.If I were to answer that question myself as I write my weekly blog, I'll have to stop a moment and ponder that thought. Let's see...if I am to take an assessment of my present state of happiness at 11:53 a.m., PST, on December 16, 2007, I would say I am happy, BUT not quite as happy as I believe I could be, if per chance I finally realize the one thing I'm waiting for in life that I believe will bring me ultimate happiness. Since I've yet to achieve that all encompassing happy thing I dream about all the time, I can conclude in my own mind I'm not at the peak of ultimate happiness.Alas, the question remai ...

New Beginnings 2007-12-08 23:56:00 Today I went to the show and saw a movie that will probably go unnoticed by many. It's entitled Noelle. I occasionally shed a tear at the theater, but I don't usually blubber uncontrollably like I did at this one. It's a low budget, hardly publicized movie, with a touching message. It will never win an Emmy or an Oscar (though it has been recognized at the Fort Lauderdale International Film Festival). Those who act in it are unrecognizable as famous stars. However, there are three words spoken at the end of the movie that are very profound and life changing.As Christmas approaches for Christians, Hanukkah for Jews, and the Holidays for others, we are all participating in a time of the year that is meant to touch our hearts. For Christians, we celebrate the birth of Jesus. For Jews, the story Hanukkah and its miracles, and for others it's a time for Happy Holidays, Santa, and the ushering in of a new year. One standard theme prevails, however, and that's the one of gift giving.I re ...

Dealing with Leftovers 2007-12-01 17:46:00 The inspiration for this week’s blog is from my friend and co-worker, Loretta, who suggested that I write about what to do with Thanksgiving leftovers. Hum, since I rarely cook, I don’t usually deal with leftovers, but after pondering the leftover thought, I figure there has to be a lot of correlations we can draw from a Thanksgiving feast to Thanksgiving leftovers in our own lives, especially in the realm of relationships.Relationships at their peak can certainly be likened to a feast. They taste great, look great, and satisfy. When relationships break, however, we’re certainly left with a lot of leftovers in our lives such as memories both good and bad. What we do with those leftovers is pivotal as we move forward. We can either take those leftovers and recreate something just as wonderful as the first feast, or we can leave them in the cold refrigerators of our hearts to rot and grow mold. The choice is up to us.My fondest remake of Thanksgiving turkey leftovers is from my alm ...

"Accentuate the Positive - Minimize the Negative" 2007-11-22 10:10:00 Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Being single, I know it can be tough, especially if you're alone.When I grew up I had a large family. My mother had four brothers who all had kids, and we'd get together every holiday as one great big clan. I remember my mother's cooking, and her great raisin tarts that were our holiday tradition (boy I miss those). Now my parents are dead, her brothers are all dead, my cousins are married and thousands of miles away. I haven't seen any of my cousins, except one, for over 12 years, or my brother since 1996. My cousins are disbursed in the U.S. in a variety of places, and we never talk to one another. I rarely talk to my brother either, except during the holiday season for short phone call.Not having a mate is hard during the holidays. Family is important to me because I have such fond memories of the joy of the holidays with them. My son is married now, and his wife's parents have invited me over today. They know I'm alone. However, being single, I st ...

Finding Self Worth 2007-11-16 19:58:00 Well, let me start by saying I've received correction from a reader that men who choose younger women are not particularly doing so because it strokes their egos. It was the writer's opinion that younger women possess a certain "energy" older women lack, which they can find attractive. I could possibly argue that point, since I work over 40 plus hours a week on my regular job, work another part-time job from home, manage my blog and website, go to a gym almost daily, speed walk on treadmills, pump those weights, clean my home, take out my garbage, shop for myself, take care of my car, feed and walk the dog, and dispense all of my current energy into my own single life. Having said all that, I'm not sure what particular energy a younger woman would possess that I don't (unless of course you're referring to between the sheets). But, I'll let that argument drop and get to my blog for the week......which, by the way, brings me to the topic of finding worth in ourselves as singles. De ...

Two-Edged Sword of Single Life 2007-11-14 08:52:00 I find living the single life to be a two-edged sword. It has its positives and negatives. I've truly struggled with being single for years. I've been divorced now going on nine, have had only one relationship since then. I've met men at online dating sites and they've come and gone as quickly as a click of a mouse. Most of these men have been on there for years. I have no idea what they expect, besides younger women to stroke their egos. All the men at work are married and those who are not have alternative lifestyles. There's 5,000 people who come and go at my church, and 40% of them are single...but we never talk or cross paths. The single group has a whopping 30 or so in it. I'm not sure where the other 1,970 other singles are hiding. As far as family goes, I have one brother 2,000 miles away who I haven't seen in 10 plus years. No other siblings. My parents are long gone and buried. I have one son, who is married and busy with his own life. As far as friends, who has the ti ...