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Articles from Emotional Fiddler

10:40 pm | fourth periodical test (day 2) 2006-03-24 22:26:00 The first test was Science III (Chemistry). Don’t want to talk about it. It just reminds me of my foolishness and brainlessness about the matter. The next test I took was Filipino III. Kinda hard. Then, Madeleine and I took the Periodical Test and Post Test in Values Education III. Ma’am Lea asked us to check those rubbish papers. Blimey! ...

1:00 am | notebook is a tad rubbish requirement 2006-03-24 22:25:00 Needless to say, every person has his own ambition. More needless to say, the fifteen-year old Jonell has his desires, too. It’s hard for me to answer this simple question: What do you want to happen? First, I want to finish this stupid and horrifying high school life wherein tons of sleepless nights were and will be spent just for rubbish stuffs. I want high school life to end quickly because I want to have the right kind of “education” to have the right kind of “discipline” and “knowledge”. I enjoy high school life, yes! I meet people. I encounter different unexpected situations. I face difficulties. Yet something must fill the emptiness inside me. Something different. Something that will accomodate the void. I can’t appreciate high school life. Blame me for having this kind of feeling! How can’t you take for granted the stupidest things your teachers would bestow? The least thing I like among the requirements (the super ever rubb ...

12:00 pm | sonnet: hereafter 2006-03-24 22:24:00 The time has come for me to realizeWhat sorrow fruit had borne from multitudeThe two of us need to continue lifeCompanionship was our least fortitude.And now, lo and behold, you are not hereBeside me to caress me everyday;Behind me to support me in my pain;Please promise me that you’ll be on your wayOn seeing better life in faster lane. I do insist though I am not nearbyThat is because I care for you tonight,I do endure the pain surrounded byThe weary trance I felt with all my might.I just want you to keep in mind this thingAt least be conscious ’bout your rubbish fling. ...

7:45 pm | fourth periodical test (day 1) 2006-03-23 22:23:00 I did not know what to answer in the Social Studies test. That was the first. I really did not know any single thing. Then the second test was English. I was startled to see an item which pertained to me. The sentence was “Jonnel loves reading Shakespeare”. I was about to be glad about having that item kaso mali yung spelling ng name ko. Why was I there? I mean, the only one who could be the culprit of the premise is my English teacher. It’s me, eh. Who could it possibly be? There’s no one else, I swear! Of all the Juniors, I am the only student (whose name is Jonell) who loves reading Shakespeare. But do I really love reading Shakespeare? It all started with the book presentation for our English class. William Shakespeare’s Hamlet was given to us by our English teacher, and because I was the leader, it’s mandatory for me to read the book. And so I read it. At first, I was totally confused by the words and the grammar used by Shakespeare. I played th ...

2:00 am | sonnet: revisitation 2006-03-22 22:22:00 It’s time to go and leave you all behindAnd face the truth: today will never last.Remember that you’re always in my mind,I will come back to clean the speck of dust.You do not have to cry—I will returnTo wipe away the sorrow from your tear.You’ll be alone: that’s what you have to learnI’ll not be always there for you, my dear.I promise you someone will come someday—Someone who’ll love you in perpetuity.Just stay and wait for him to come your wayHe will dispute for you audaciously.You do not have to worry lest you fail,I’ll be right back to strengthen what is frail. ...

8:25 pm | my name is jonell 2006-03-22 22:22:00 Howdy! It’s me again. I have just compelled myself to start writing again. I’ve missed this stuff… this is my hobby. I love writing but I ain’t saying I’m good at it. I just love to write. I have started blogging last September and had to create a few blogs before I came up (finally) on having my final blog forever. I just do not know if I am going to change this template since I want consistency. I fancy new looks yet this weblog seems to be stimulating and suitably platonic for my character. Just fifteen. That’s right. It’s me Jonell Borbon Estillore. I am living with my grandmother and is supported by my aunt which is the half-sister of my father. My parents are not with me as well as my siblings. My father lives in Davao City with my three younger siblings namely Joy (14), May-may (13) and Din-din (12). Actually, those are their nicknames. It’s appalling to say that I really can’t discern what their real names are.. those starts with letter J, I recall. Joy’s na ...

4:00 am | makapal ang mukha mo 2006-03-16 22:21:00 That’s his last word, then he put the phone down. I ruined his life. It’s my fault. I was bad, really bad. I feel very guilty. I do not know how to react on what happened. Hours ago, we were talking like good friends then suddenly I have to break the ice and go to the climax of telling him the truth. I feel guilty. I thought telling the truth would make my feeling lighter but then the irony preoccupied. I told him who I am. I want to cry right now. I want to sob as much as possible to release this kind of emotion. I am guilty. I was bad. I was really bad. What more should I say? I shouldn’t say that. Why did I told him my real identity, and the worse, I told him where I live, how old I am, what school I go to, what year I am (but didn’t tell him the section). I am afraid. What if he go to RHS tomorrow or maybe someday, then he hunt for me. I am really afraid. I do not know what to do. From the very start, why did I do that? I ruined everything. “Masaya ka ...

1:25 am | random salutes and fears 2006-03-13 22:20:00 Before going to sleep, I just want to congratulate Marky Cielo for being the Sole Survivor of StarStruck 3. He deserves it. Marky Cielo and Jackie Rice are the Male and Female Ultimate Survivors respectively. I got a hard time watching the show ’cause it’s too late already. They deserve it. All of them are talents of GMA from now on. I wonder who’ll beat the past products of the said reality-base artista search. Hmmm? * * * I just want to sleep. I still have no confidence needed on facing my classmates (and my English teacher) for later’s One-Act Play. I still need to memorize my lines. They are saying that we are going to take class pictures this afternoon (hopefully, during Physics). Well, how nice! Then, wah! I can’t say anything else than my nervousness. I have to be myself later. I wish. * * * I phoned him—the one I was referring on my Jan. 18 post. Yes, I did. I was surprised that he was the one who picked up the phone. I didn’t talk much. Ju ...

1:10 pm | blame me for not being genuine 2006-03-12 22:20:00 I must admit, I treated you as a special friend of mine but.. Come to think of it. I knew you for three years yet you still don’t know me. I always try to phone you but I can’t reach you anyway. I am afraid to talk to you. I don’t know what would be your reaction. I am the person you knew. I am me. I am not him. Couldn’t you understand that? How will you understand if I am telling you the whole damn truth? It’s my fault. If I didn’t text you that night, nothing will bloom. If I stopped earlier, nothing will happen. You knew me as another person you know but I am that person. I want to tell you the whole truth.. that at first it was just tripping. I want to be your friend, still. But how am I going to be such a false friend? On your part, I am really appalled on the idea that you didn’t even questioned me if I am really that person. You kept thinking I am that person even though I can’t answer personal questions. Were you riding at my deed ...

1:30 am | not a mundane musing 2006-03-12 22:19:00 I really do not know if I still love you. You are no longer keeping in touch with me and it seems that you never cared. I am pretty much jealous with the people around you who really have that kind of attention I am begging. Perhaps, you’ve found somebody else better than me. Chuckles! But.. I can’t help thinking about you. Each night I think of you even though you’re not vivid to me. I am still waiting for the perfect time for the two of us to spend times together. I am looking forward on realizing what I truly feel for you. It’s been two months already we’ve known each other. I never imagined someone like you entering my stupid nonsense life. But since you’ve came along, everything changed. My perspective in life grew even better and I looked into life in a brighter angle. I learned how to be a reality chauvinist. I loved life because of you. But whatsoever thing I try to do, it makes no sense anymore. I am trying to be the person who’ll fill ...

2:00 am | the pseudonym i resorb 2006-03-12 22:19:00 I had came across the posts I had two months ago and found myself doleful. Your name filled most of my posts. I realized how much I was thinking of you then. I even hid you in an erroneous name just to be sure that I am not mentioning your name on my blog. I apprehended eveything. I want to say sorry for me a big asshole in your life. Got to eat more chucks to be fat! Yeah, really. I wish you happiness in your life. Whatever I am saying, the thought dominating my mind is you. You told me you’ll never leave me. You’ve told me you’ll always assure that I am happy. I thought you care but should you be out of my sight. Let’s stay as friends and I guarantee you I am not going to “hope” again. I am so glad I met you. Please appreciate me. I am always here for you, you know that. The only problem is that you don’t care anymore. ...

1:00 am | torn between two lovers 2006-03-12 22:18:00 It’s really awkward, not embarrassing and requiring great tact or skill to resolve, but so difficult to accept because I have to move my life into an uncomfortable status. Let me have that phrase above. Torn between two lovers. Why should I have to be treated this way? The two of them are rattling me deep inside. Worse of this is that the two of them are best friends. The other girl wants to give up the feelings she has for me because she knows that her best friend has the same feeling also. But.. do they really have to call that love? Perhaps, it is just infatuation. I can’t even look at the keys I am striking. Maybe I can miss a single thing I have to tell. Why should the two of them regard me in such particular way in which I am being jagged. By now I am trying to as buoyant as how I should be yet the thought of the two of them is still clinging on me. Why should they care? ...

7:30 pm | preparations for the one-act play 2006-03-11 22:18:00 He is still busy recording sounds to be used on the one-act play on Monday. He is experiencing a total difficulty since what he is doing is really hard. Earlier, he and his groupmates went to one’s house to practice. Until now, he is nervous to face Monday. One-act play is coming so fast. They have to present it for about 25 minutes. The sounds are not yet done. His brain is exploding. He doesn’t want to upset his classmates and his English teacher as well. He wants to exert all the efforts he can just to make their presentation great. Last time was Hamlet.. then Romeo and Juliet.. then here’s Sabina. By now, he had came up with several ideas like recording mixed music, using a small stair, using connected tables to form a high platform… He is hoping that everything will be successful. Last Friday, Group 1 and Group 2 presented Why Women Wash The Dishes and Cañao: The Wedding Dance respectively. On Monday, his group will present Sabina after Group 4’s Th ...

3:25 am | Things he ought to do 2006-03-11 22:17:00 His mind is totally in a wreckage now. He has an awful lot of things to do which includes: his notebook for Computer, notebook for Statistics, notebook for Math (still not doing anything), notebook for English (four grading?!), notebook for Physics, notebook for AP.. book report in English (needs Reader’s Digest), book report in Filipino (gotta read Noli).. portfolio in English as well as the submission of the term paper!.. got to do many written outputs (essays) in Filipino.. busy in producing the one-act play (that’s on Monday!).. got to do that map in AP (my head aches).. got to replace books he’ve lost.. got to buy stick for the field demo..got to learn Math! He wants to impede the havoc on his life yet he must pursue finishing this whole stupid high school life. Torture it seems. ...

3:40 am | she’s in love with whom? 2006-03-11 22:17:00 The problem is.. her best friend is also in love with him. What the! She had told him she’s deeply in love with him but is afraid because her best friend also loves him. Reexamining everything, he would realize that it really is hard for a girl to love a guy whom her best friend loves. But.. Why should they be like this? What really is the problem? The sole reason is infatuation. He wants to stress infatuation.. a great, often temporary, and irrational passion for somebody or something. And it really is and will be temporary. He can’t stand the things anymore. ...