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Articles from Emotional Fiddler

I didn’t know I was looking for love until I found you 2006-06-10 02:37:00 Girlfriends? I never had one. I had had but I never had one. It strucks me so much to think that I have no girlfriend… I mean, okay, laugh at me or say that I am a typical “torpe” guy who is fond of keeping his feelings inside. It’s funny, though. How I wish the right girl will come my way. When will she come, I wonder. Aalagaan ko siyang mabuti. Ihahatid ko sa kanila. Tutulungan sa mga projects at assignments. Hindi ko siya pababayaan. Ganoon ako magmahal. Ipakikita ko talaga kung gaano ko kamahal ang isang tao. Torpe ako… torpe ako. May nararamdaman ako sa iyo pero hindi ko naman masabi-sabi. I really like her. Hindi ko nga siya matingnan, eh. Hindi ko pa nga rin siya nakakausap, eh… Pero kilala ko na siya last year pa. Ako, siguro, hindi niya kilala pero I like her talaga. Ang mahirap lang may iba siyang gusto at ayoko namang isiksik yung sarili ko sa kanya lalo na’t hindi niya pa ako kilala. But I truly want to be with her. Hindi ko mapi ...

Go For or No 2006-06-10 02:36:00 Ano na lang ba ang gagawin ko ngayon? Maluwag pa rin ang sked ng klase namin. For my part, sobrang luwag. Para ngang bakasyon lang e. Pero this time I’m aiming for something great… something I really want to happen. Gusto kong maging part ng school paper. I mean, gusto kong makapagsulat talaga. So, ganito nga pala yung naging problema about the Enriched Courses ng pilot… Yung mga dating nag-Journalism e gusto nang lumipat sa Calculus. Bali sa klase namin e 11 na lang kaming natirang magjo-Journalism. Ewan ko lang sa section 2. Sa section 1 naman parang isa lang ang kumuha ng Journalism this year. Marami sa kanila ang kumuha ng Debate… Minsan nga iniisip ko dapat nasa Debate ako e… ang problema lang talaga e maraming section 1 students sa Debate class. Hindi naman sa ayaw ko silang makasama kahit na naging malapit ako sa ilan sa kanila (since galing din naman ako doon) kaya nga lang nakakailang talaga kapag kasama mo ang mga section 1 (hmpph). Last time ...

"Popcorn" 2006-06-09 05:15:00 – Jonell B. Estillore (Feb. 24, 2006) Tulad ng kinagawian, kailangan kong tahakin ang pasilyong iyon para lang makatawid patungo sa silid-aklatan. Hindi ako mahilig magbasa ngunit parati akong suki nito. Isang bagay lang naman ang nagbuhat sa akin sa pagiging araw-araw na laman ng silid-aklatan—nais kong makita o masulyapan man lamang ang isang taong nakapukaw ng aking damdamin sa tuwinang ako ay dadaan sa pasilyong iyon. Nasa dulo pa lamang ako ng pasilyo ay kabado na ako at madalas na tumitigil muna sa isang tabi upang huminga ng malalim at mag-ipon ng lakas ng loob na dumaan sa gawing iyon. Dahan-dahan ang aking paglalakad at pinipilit na maging normal, na para bang walang pakialam sa mga kaganapan sa aking paligid at ang tanging pakay ay makarating sa silid na puno ng mga aklat na ayaw kong basahin. Ayun siya: katulad ng dati’y nasa tabi ng bintana, nakikinig sa guro at hindi nagagambala sa mga taong bumabagtas ng landasin ng pasilyo. Dug dug dug dug… Dinig ko ang malakas ...

mga naitago ko pang post 2006-06-09 05:09:00 feb 16It has been quite a long time since I had the chance to write posts. It is in the virtue of the circumstances which happened along the past days and weeks of scurrying school stuffs. Now, I just want to formally introduce myself to all of the readers.I am Jonell B. Estillore, a simple fifteen-year-old guy who is seeking for jauntiness all throughout his life. I am a third-year what-will-happen-happens happy-go-lucky student of Rizal High School here in Pasig City. During my childhood, I can say that I had been longing for something in my life. A difficult struggle occurred once in a while yet every moment of my life I bear it. That kind of situation bothers me a lot. That yearning is caused by my family. I am a product of a broken family and its bonding, interaction, establishment of closeness and friendship, are what I am longing for a very long time.Pero ngayon, tama na muna ang walang kakwenta-kwenta kong pag-iingles.Ayoko munang pag-usapan yung tungkol sa Choral Interpretatio ...

5:30 pm | happy birthday my one and only brother 2006-06-09 04:29:00 I have nothing to say. I am hiding my loneliness with my loud guffaws earlier in the classroom with those silly wedding and christening invitations on the blackboard. I miss this guy so much. ...

makapag-tagalog nga 2006-06-09 02:35:00 Okay… so eto na. Nakakatakot mang aminin ang masidhing katotohanan eh eto na… nandito na ako sa puntong alam ko sa sarili kong napapagod na akong mag-ingles at sa puntong nawawalan na ako ng tiwala sa sarili ko na may nakakaintindi pa sa mga pinagsususulat ko. Paano ba naman baka mamaya marami na naman ang magreklamo na mahirap maarok ang mga sinusulat ko. Ewan ko ba. Kaya nga pipilitin ko na sa sarili ko, kahit na labag sa aking kalooban, na magsulat sa isang mas mababaw na paraan. Hindi ko naman sinasabing kailangan nating sumpain ang wikang Filipino ngunit kailangan din naman nating matutong magsalita at magsulat sa wikang Ingles (hindi ba’t wika rin ito ng ating bansang Pilipinas). Sa totoo lang, hindi ko na alam ang lulugaran ko. Kapag English ang pagsulat ko puros reklamo sa bawat kanto. Kesyo hindi maintindihan ang mga salita ko, kesyo ang haba-haba ng mga sinusulat ko, kesyo ewan. Kapag naman Tagalog na hindi pa rin maintindihan. Ano na lang ba ang gagawin k ...

explicit warning 2006-06-07 03:14:00 WATCH OUT! MANY OF US DON’T WANT YOUR ATTITUDE. CAN’T YOU SEE YOU CAN’T HIDE THOSE STUPID IMITATIONS BEHIND THOSE GLASSES? YOU DON’T EVEN BELONG TO US. THAT BOOK YOU’RE READING? AH… DON’T BE SILLY, I KNOW YOU CAN’T UNDERSTAND THAT. I AIN’T BRAGGING. WHY IS IT THAT I AM ALWAYS THE ONE BEING BOILED UP? watch out… i am not alone this time… ...

where are you? 2006-06-07 03:10:00 At last it lead me to this page in the internet wherein I was able to grab this class picture of your fourth year class. It will eventually direct me on knowing your true identity. I do not want to imagine nonsense anymore. I want reality. I want to know how you look like, so to speak. I want to end my longing. Soon. Yes, soon. ...

10:04 pm | the night before the beginning of the end 2006-06-06 02:32:00 I cannot deny that I was excited for the first day of classes. For two boring, lonesome months, I induced myself to nothing and I really craved for the hectic skeds, grueling project-makings, taking of notes and the like. I was psyched to death… well, literally. Sunday afternoon. I cannot believe that I was ran to the hospital because of the pain I had in my stomach or wherever it might be. That was the time when I realized how public hospitals suffer the corruption-oriented government of our time; thus, I was able to voice out the phrase: “bulok ang pamahalaan” (or in English, so to speak, our government sucks–or in a better mood let’s say, our government stinks). Sunday evening. My Lola wanted me to be absent on my classes the next day but then I disagree and heartfully desired to go home promptly for me to be able to go to school on the first day of classes. Sunday late evening. I was already tucked in my bed, having a high fever, pondering if my tummy ...

11:58 am | a letter from my father 2006-06-04 03:10:00 A year ago I was on Davao. I thought I will be happy there… with my father, with my siblings. I thought it is better to leave my high school life in Pasig and begin a new one there. But then I was not composed by that mere illusion of happiness. I begged my aunt to let me return to Pasig. I didn’t lose hope. After nine bitter days in Davao, I flew back to Pasig. Across arranging my bags, I noticed his letter to me. Please allow me on correcting his wrong grammar. Here it is: Davao CityMay 28 ‘05 My dear son Jonell, After all, I thought that this would be a happy family reunion. Eight years I was longing for this and a very long eight years I’ve been waiting for. It was indeed a prayer that has been answered. But yet only sadness and loneliness with bitterness was fading on. It was early in the morning wayback year 1991, at around 6 am, when everybody got so busy preparing and waiting for the coming of a special someone. All were so excited, while a mother in pa ...

5:45 pm | mementoes of a broken jonell 2006-06-03 03:07:00 Should I stare blankly on the endless road I am taking? Why can’t I accept the truth that I am already lost. I can see the light but the darkness is still embracing me. I am different. I am a weirdo. Why can’t I take it as it was given? Why can’t I face it? But then there was hope. Someone happened to exist on my life. His arrival is the best thing that happened in my life. I was waiting for what appeared to be forever. I was constantly wishing upon the gleaming stars above that someday somebody like him would come to life. Many people arrived one after the other but no one really reached the standards I am holding to. I thought they would be the one but no one was meant for me. Until one day, I knew him from a close friend of mine. From that day forward, I had this thought in my mind that he will be the one who would fill the emptiness inside of me. I was right. Then, the first time we were able to communicate by the use of cellular phone, I was simulating the mundan ...

6:00 pm | stranded inside study net 2006-06-02 05:03:00 I deeply loathe the rain outside. It is such a mess. If only I knew that this kind of drastic situation will transpire I didn’t decide to pay the electric bill. The rain is so hard I can’t do anything but to stay here inside the Study Net. I didn’t expect this chaos. The night is shining with its temptuous thunder and blusterous lightning. What should I do? Who’ll gonna help me? How am I going to return home? Who would have thought this could happen? Not now. Not now. I’m all alone here and I repent a lot. If I didn’t go here nothing will happen. ...

5:15 pm | dyahi si pamela 2006-06-02 04:11:00 ...

4:36 pm | an e-mail from bum 2006-06-02 03:38:00 Dear Jonell, Thank you very much for sharing with me your newbeginnings. I am very proud of you. Lucky are those who experience challenges in life forchallenges make them whole. Lucky are those who areable to tell their stories because they give voices tothose who have been silenced by their own share ofdifficulties. Jonell, though i don’t make a promise here, I will seeto it how I can help you get this story printed. I salute you for your courage to stand still despitethe rocky road you were in before. God is good allthe time. Life is beautiful, Bum, your 34-year-old new friend ...

9:52 pm | mrs. merino, my most favorite teacher 2006-06-02 03:04:00 After the trouble I had encountered a while ago, which was ended by a sudden halt of the fuming weather, I ended up quitting my computer usage on Study Net that made this day the last time for me to go there for no necessities. I had made a promise that I will no longer go online during the whole school year 2006-2007 to adamantly focus on my last year to spend on my beloved and abhorred high school life. Likewise, I am no longer the old Jonell who turns himself into a relatively couch potato–sitting in front of the television until his eyes pop out or his tummy holler incessantly. Those are just some of my new beginnings, mind you. Looking at the calendar makes me weak more and more each time I have to remind myself that the opening of the school year is soon approaching in a tremendous manner I cannot even accept. Imagine, after two months of doing nothing, except for hanging around, sleeping, eating, malling, having some leisures, reading and writing, the school is going to ea ...