Experiments In Mediocrity Small, obscure, nocturnal, dizzy and itchy; I tell weird stories and will give you my opinion on everything given the time. Statistics Unique Visitors: Total Unique Visitors: Outgoing: Total Outgoing: 3 0 18 4516

Articles from Experiments In Mediocrity

Sounds and Smells of Saturday. 2007-09-29 18:31:00 This week the neighbors around the corner got their roof done. For three days, we took guesses how long it would be until the huge palettes of shingles would slide off the roof and kill someone. As far as I know, they never did. It could be the roofers used some of the extra flashing cement they bragged about having to tack the palettes down.I really did consider yelling over to the roofers that they might like to come over here if that extra flashing cement was really burning a hole in their truck. But I did not.I did discover a ridiculous amount of pokeweed growing behind my shed, however (THREE!), and I listened to the cacophony known as the neighbor's kid as I was pulling the pokeweed (not an easy thing to do considering poke has the defense mechanism of falling apart if you tug on it once it grows higher than three inches).For an hour, he kept telling someone that something was, "RIGHT THERE!" like his ass was chained to the ground and he couldn't go fetch it himself. I lat ...

Press Any Key To Continue, But Only If You Use The Correct OS. 2007-09-28 15:06:00 Ah, the '90s. Back on this date...or around this date...in 1990, I got my first PC. It had a clock speed of 3 and no hard drive. I had to buy an extra serial card port in order to use the mouse and the modem. I loved that damn computer.It came with DR-DOS. Prodigy couldn't run off a disk formatted in DR-DOS. MS-DOS was $80 to buy. Luckily, my neighbor let me bum a copy.Man, did I learn a lot about PCs right off the bat.It's odd that I can recall the date I fired up my Kaypro 8086, and my first Prodigy account number (BSSR04), and the second (RPWS67, and that was because I didn't know the 0 was a zero!), but I can't remember if I was supposed to get out of this chair and go do something.Tags: September 2007, 1990, Prodigy, computers©2000-2007 Lynda B. Naclerio, all rights reserved. ...

But Has It Also Been Seven Hours? 2007-09-27 15:10:00 Fifteen days since my last post? Shameful. I didn't mean to take my love away. I have, like a good little woman of olden days who thinks herself into a tizzy, been doing crafts. You see, my blanket came apart...it's one of those velour thermal blankets, and it's black, and I've spent a great deal of time in bed with that blanket, so I couldn't just toss it. No homeless people would appreciate the flaking black fuzz so it's not like I can go down to the subway station and say, "Aww, here, it'll keep you warm! Like it kept me warm all those nights!" No one wants to hear that.No, I am making things out of my late blanket, and many of those things are cat-shaped. YOU KNEW THAT WAS COMING! What else is there to do with a roughly 5'x4' section of black velour? I also made a printer cover, but the cat climbs up on the printer, so that also counts as a cat project.Other than that, much of my time has been taken up thrashing about trying to escape the flicker of the TV, keepi ...

I don't really sit around analyzing myself. 2007-09-12 18:22:00 I read an article called Caring For Your Introvert, and it spoke to me, man. And not at great length until I fell down, either.I am an introvert! I would go out into the streets and shout this, but really, no one needs that.Tags: September 2007, confessions©2000-2007 Lynda B. Naclerio, all rights reserved. ...

Me, I'm Just A Lawnmower, You Can Tell By The Way I Walk. 2007-09-10 14:35:00 No, I've not been hanging out in Peter Gabriel's wardrobe, but look, say hello to my leetle friend!And I do mean little. This mower fits between all the various hedge arrangements the Knights of Ni decreed we plant and it's only 35 pounds, which means I am not completely dead the day after I mow, and I found it on OMyGarden.com, which is technically an eBay store so I get to pay it off in my magical eBay ways. I also realize I've said the word the Knights of Ni cannot hear several times already, but that's too bad, I cut my lawn with a Pup now. Better than a herring, that thing.There's also a cute little basket that catches the clippings so I can fill in the excavations by our fearless lawn raider. Not that I recommend filling in puppy holes with only rocks and leaves, because the snake loves it. Have I mentioned we have a garden snake? My fluffy little cat carried it over to me in his mouth the other night, like, "Human, please dispose of this." I was unable to dispose of ...

I Understand. 2007-08-31 17:56:00 emolawn Originally uploaded by recon Sometimes tastelessness is the only path to sanity.Tags: August 2007, gardening©2000-2007 Lynda B. Naclerio, all rights reserved. ...

The Sound of Going Crazy 2007-08-30 17:10:00 Yesterday, I was in the middle of lots of technical difficulties, and off in the distance, I heard the sound of two Mr. Softee trucks, playing their music...just a little out of sync.Then my older computer decided to join in with its alarm, signalling that it was overheating, and it wanted ice cream.I think that's what it wanted, anyway.Tags: August 2007, computers©2000-2007 Lynda B. Naclerio, all rights reserved. ...

The Lunatic Is On The Grass. 2007-08-29 17:34:00 Well, actually...I don't want to think about grass...I want to think about eclipses! I was up in the window for this most recent lunar event, because not only was I in the middle of a game, it was 4AM and by that time the only way to see the moon over the trees and rooftops was from the window.(Clicking on the pictures gets the full-size versions, I highly recommend the first one.)So there was a full moon on Monday:Then there was an eclipse:Then it got cloudy:But the eclipsed moon peeked out just long enough to say goodnight before it fell into the neighbor's chimney:It could be that my drooling love for the moon comes from the sign I was born under, or possibly from the multiple dog bites over the years, but I love eclipses. Throw one of those at me twice a year or so and I can live happily for at least two weeks.Tags: August 2007, moon, lunar eclipse, photos©2000-2007 Lynda B. Naclerio, all rights reserved. ...

You Can't See It, It's Electric. 2007-08-28 17:57:00 Hey Home Depot! Yeah, I'm talking to you, you big bastards that took over Pergament and Rickel and Channel and basically any place I could have gone ten years ago to buy a lawn mower. Not everyone wants a lawn mower that runs on gas. Not everyone wants a lawn mower they need to sit on to control. Crazy, I know, I mean, what kind of American am I to not want to feel the hum of lawn care at work under my ass on a hot sunny day as I cross my 20x50 yard? Those hedges and rock gardens have it coming to them if I should just drive over them. No, maintaining an engine on something I use once a week ain't my style baby, just ask the car I drive three times a year.When I perused your online selection of mulching mowers yesterday, I must have hallucinated those four Black & Decker models you had listed alongside the John Deere equipment, because somehow they all disappeared the next day! How can that be? I wasn't able to mow our mushrooms into an inhalable dust, how could I possibly h ...

Dear Neighbor With The Weedwhacker, August Edition. 2007-08-27 18:48:00 I bet you laughed when my mower died and I had to finish the lawn with my trimmer.Did you laugh when the yellow jacket got in my shoe and I smashed it as it stung me? I didn't. I had visions of having to find my way out of Antarctica with an unconscious FBI agent and a serious case of frostbite.MM525, RIP. I have never written better than when I mowed with you. The Black and Decker designer of your power handle ought to be thrown under a properly functioning version of you, because if not for the cheesy plastic, you would still be here with me.Tags: August 2007, gardening©2000-2007 Lynda B. Naclerio, all rights reserved. ...

You Know What They Say About Food And Art 2007-08-25 19:24:00 This video was meant to go up yesterday, Pa's actual birthday, but due to progress and technology, and that I only started encoding it yesterday because I mistakenly thought progress and technology would make things faster instead of making me learn new things, the world had to wait one more day for this.When we got our first video camera, we made about ten art house movies in the first day. There was a nature documentary about cats and boxes, a documentary about the parts of the canine, a trippy reel of everyone turning into Geraldo Rivera, which had its sequel in the blockbuster, "Is the zoom working?"The Man Who Has to Hurry Up and Eat was by far the funniest. I mean, listen to us. You don't hear the Zucker Brothers enjoying the making of Airplane! as much as this, do you?Tags: August 2007, 1989, family, video, silly©2000-2007 Lynda B. Naclerio, all rights reserved. ...

I Did It All For The German Intersexed New Romantic. 2007-08-22 16:13:00 I'm not lying when I say Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories is a difficult game. The ratio of missions that were handed over to me in disgust was higher than possibly any other video game we've ever played, and even I had to play a mission over a few times. The other night I spent over an hour cleaning the Mendez mansion with Domestobot because I didn't think to look in the basement. Generally I would see that as fun, but towards the end of that hour? It wasn't fun anymore. I was driving around the mansion with the lighter out, intent on burning the entire house down just to find the safe. Saving Lance's ass every three missions isn't much fun, either. I'm not going to spoil the games for anyone who hasn't played them yet, but when Lance shows up, it's very much like knowing you have papercuts but also knowing you need to wash your hands. You will hurt.The early missions are given by totally unlikable scum--not that anyone in the GTA universe is wholly lovable--and if ...

Things I Have Learned This Weekend: August Edition 2007-08-20 16:01:00 If a cat is sitting on a desk, and there is then a small worm on the desk, there is a 99% chance that the worm has come out of the cat.When faced with a small worm on your desk, fight the natural urge to run away screaming and/or vomit. Also, throwing the worm away does not cure the cat.Tapeworm will present itself as small white wiggling worms. These are not in fact worms, but only the equipment needed to make more worms.Fleas must ingest tapeworm segments, and then in turn be eaten by a cat, dog, or human in order to get to the business of being a proper tapeworm.Tapeworm takes three weeks to show up on the butt of your pet.A magical flea must have wandered onto my property three weeks ago.I cannot recall three weeks ago.Cats will let you know when a worm is trying to leave their butt. They may even show you their butt, so you have time to grab a tissue or something.When a cat freaks out because you are pawing at their butt, they will back into things on your desk.When a cat has a ...

Because You Know I'm All About Ice. 2007-08-17 13:29:00 I admit the closest I've ever come to driving a big rig, hauling who-knows-what up steep hills for crap pay was the time I played Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. I kept losing my trailer down the mountains, and even though I only had 15 seconds to re-attach it, I never gave up...until the damn thing exploded.So when Nan started watching Ice Road Truckers, I cracked a few jokes about, "You have 29 seconds to reattach the trailer!"But then trucks started going through the ice and all kinda crazy stuff. And now I'm obsessed. There's a marathon on the History channel Sunday that starts at 1PM eastern time if you want to have your mind blown over what some people will drive on.I can't even drive when there are flurries, man!Tags: August 2007, TV, Ice Road Truckers©2000-2007 Lynda B. Naclerio, all rights reserved. ...

This is My Week For Movie News! 2007-08-11 16:28:00 Ridley Scott, I love his movies. Blade Runner, Gladiator, Alien (Al, you horrible bastard), Legend (Unicorns + Bryan Ferry & David Gilmour ÷ Tim Curry = awesome), Kingdom of Heaven, and now...Monopoly.Yes, I'm for real. Yes, it's going to be about owning property. There's a rather fun plot idea on the IMDB board.I don't know about you, but I have plans for watching a lot of movies next year.Tags: August 2007, Monopoly, Ridley Scott, movies©2000-2007 Lynda B. Naclerio, all rights reserved. ...