Freelance Cynic
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Articles from Freelance Cynic |
A Brief update...
2007-09-29 09:42:00
To be honest people I just don't seem to have any urge to write at the moment, and am finding it startlingly hard to be funny, even the word startllingly just isn't as funny to me as it used to be.I've started a new job recently and don't seem to have as much alone time at the moment to create either. And besides, the new season of the Simpson's is back on.But don't worry, as soon as i'm back on form I'll visit y'all and let you know.I mean geeze, if I don't start putting ad's on here again soon I'm gonna run out of money.... ...
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Harry Potter and the Endless sequel
2007-08-22 00:28:00
There was a campaign in Waterstones, when the final Harry Potter book was released, to encourage J.K.Rowling to change her mind, and write more Harry saga's.I'm curious, as book 7 ends 19 years in the future, after Harry has grown up and married Ginny, and long after Voldermort has been destroyed, exactly what kind of novel worthy adventures Harry can possibly have...Harry Potter and the Wand of ImpotencyThey lay in bed. A heavy silence hung in the air as if the room had been hit with the silenco curse. He bit his lip, and looked up at the ceiling. Next to him Ginny sighed and rolled away. It had been the same for the last month, everything was going wrong. His spells had been shooting off too early, his attention wandering, his duties unfulfilled. Clearly he been cursed, but who by and why? And could the blue pills really make everything ok again....Other releases from Bloomsbury and J.K RowlingHarry Potter and the Parent teacher ConferenceHarry Potter and the prostate examHarry Pot ...
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Forensic fotos
2007-08-17 02:30:00
The sailor in the famous photograph of the Times Square kiss, when Victory was annouced over Japan, has finally been identified as 'Glenn McDuffie.'He was identified, by a forensic artist, from the bones in his forehead and the shape of his ear.If they can identify you by your forehead bones imagine what else can they identify you by...Gentlemen, it might be time to get those pictures back off the web.Quick GigglesAn evil Parental PrankWhy I'm getting oldWalk this way ...
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5 Reasons to be Nice to Telemarketers
2007-08-16 02:30:00
The Moaning meme is haunting me.Being a telemarketer, I have been thrown into Room 101 by my fellow Memers so often that I’ve had an escalator installed. This attack on telemarketers seems somewhat harsh, so I have taken it upon myself to defend my profession.With my sales skills, I should be able to end the unfair prejudice for ever.5 Reasons to be Nice to TelemarketersWe can afford our own alcohol.Every person in a call centre is one less person on the street begging. Being of a higher class than the homeless however, we do our begging via the phone. And unlike the street-beggars we tell you straight out where your money is going – we’ll be buying alcohol so we can forget the hellish way we earn a living. We hold back the evil advance of McDonaldsIf we weren't calling you we'd be flipping burgers. And, with our brilliant sales skills, healthy eating wouldn't stand a chance.We offer free counselingWhere else can you find hundreds of people who actually expect to take your abu ...
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Jump to Jobs
2007-08-16 01:10:00
This post brought to you by JumptoJobs.co.uk the search engine for jobsIf you're anything like me, you work for a living, not for fun.My job is about as tedious as picking up peanut shells, although, at least in a job like that you'd get to eat peanuts.But with over 8000 jobs in my home town alone JumptoJobs.co.uk, the search engine for jobs, may help me find a job I almost run to get to in the morning.Still can't find any vacancies in IceCream tasting though...Press Release JumptoJobs.co.ukJumptoJobs.co.uk today announced the launch of their innovative search engine for jobs. Their system allows job-boards, recruitment agencies and corporate HR departments to easily deliver very targeted jobseeker traffic to their websites.The system requires no administration from the recruiter’s because the jobs are indexed from their current location on the internet, JumptoJobs.co.uk simply makes it possible for jobseekers to find the jobs more quickly and easily.Recruiters have the option to ...
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Evil Breeders
2007-08-15 01:38:00
I phoned a man at work yesterday called Mr Dack.First Name Donald.I can only hope he's forgiven his parents.Other QuickiesWhy I'm getting Old Walk this wayAnimal Slights ...
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Credit Card Cravers
2007-08-15 01:03:00
Sponsored by CardGuide.co.ukI couldn't live without my credit card.Not that I ever use it, but it's nice to know that if I was ever homeless, starving and in desperate of some internet surfing I would have to something to fall back on. Although saying that I’ve started using my credit card a lot more since it’s started giving me free air miles. If I can spend over one million pounds I’ll get a free trip to America.If you would like some credit cards, or even cash back credit cards, and you’re wondering what one to get you can compare Credit cards by clicking to Cardguide.co.uk.And don’t forget to give your air miles to me. ...
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5 Reasons To visit Britain
2007-08-13 13:49:00
Britain!Home of Cockney Dialects, drive-by insults and David Beckham's right foot. (His left foot lives permanently in his mouth) But Johnny-Foreigner knows only a little of the wonders of the island that formed, robbed and lost the empire. And as a Brit, it is my job to educate you.CultureBritain is a Cultural cauldron, and boasts some of the finest minds of our time, most of which are in maximum security prisons, or have been shot, lest they open the average punter’s mind and cause a revolution. To make up for this the country mass produces bland commercial literature and music, under such names as J.K.Rowling and the Spice Girls.Theatre is the UK’s primary cultural export with almost all their best plays are exported to Broadway where they are rapidly improved and made more glamorous by American Producers.ShoppingBritish is a haven of brand name shops, it’s high-streets being identical to every other high street in the Western World, at three times the standard retail price ...
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Trusted Places
2007-08-13 13:30:00
This blog sponsored by trusted places!Ever have friends round and have no idea where to take them?Thanks to Trusted Places, others can help you decide where to go, what to do, and even where to avoid.Currently featuring London it can help you see what others said about London restaurants, amusements and attractions instantly, saving you from finding out too late! ...
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Why I'm Getting Old... Part 6
2007-08-12 03:10:00
You know you're getting old when:You leave the club early enough to get home and watch BBC FourPrevious PostsPart 5, Part 4, Part 3, Part 2, Part 1 ...
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Start your Engines
2007-08-02 00:42:00
Soooo writer blocked.Previous PostsHarry PotterToad WorkGet away ...
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Writers Block
2007-07-30 01:11:00
Nothing Nice to Say - the world's FIRST online punk comic ...
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... and the gang of spoilers.
2007-07-23 01:41:00
With the most anticipated book of our generation finally released the world is full of spoilers, people desperate to ruin your good time by telling you how the book ends long before you get to the last page.Here are some tips to help avoid them.Fasten your windows shut with a locknigus Fastenus spell, or lock them, whichever is easier. This will ensure no Owls can get it with your friends spoiler letters.Cover up all views of the outside world using your old Harry Potter Posters, magic capes, and Sticker Collections.Look your door and barricade the letterbox. Book 5 should fit snugly.Unplug the TV, Radio, and telephone.Switch of your enchanted computer box.Keep all fireplaces burning to prevent the use of Floo Powder.Finally, Cover the house in an impenetrable spell like the one surrounding Hogwarts. ensuring that no one can apparate in and yell the ending at you.Finally, in the last chapter when it is revealed that Dumbledore and Voldermort were brothers, look out for the hilarious mi ...
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