The Frog Bog Pontification from the pond. It's funny. Except when it's not. But it usually is. Statistics Unique Visitors: Total Unique Visitors: Outgoing: Total Outgoing: 0 0 20 1282

Articles from The Frog Bog

Manly Man Brains- A Scientific Explanation 2008-02-09 10:48:12 Sad day yesterday.  I had to remove the cool 8 ball attachment from the shifter in my car.  This, obviously, downgraded the car’s coolness factor to “cool,” due to the fact that I still have my fuzzy dice hanging on the rear view.  It had been “bitchin’” with the 8 ball gearshift cover, and I was looking forward to getting little fuzzy beads around the top that would have upgraded it to “babe magnet” status, but the number 8 on the 8 ball wore off and all I was left with was a round ball shifter top thingy, which really wasn’t very cool at all.  It was also, if I want to get technical about the whole thing, somewhat on the unsafe side, since the ball didn’t really fit on the shifter and wobbled quite a bit when I changed gears.   And I could pull it off whenever I wanted to. This change was only a tiny drop in yesterday’s larger sea of automobilic change, however.  I had a real automotive maintenance day. ...

Our Big Trip Part 14- Maryland and Washington, D.C. 2008-02-07 12:37:29 Every now and then, I import one of these “Our Big Trip” posts over from the site we used as our traveling diary while we were on Our Big Trip. Today is a now and then day. The background info about Our Big Trip is here. Sunday, October 19: Beth went to Ellicott City, and I got on my bicycle and went for a long ride. There is an extensive system of biking/walking trails all throughout Columbia, where Bill and Katie live. I saw a fox on one of them. It was a really beautiful day to ride. One of the things I miss about living in San Francisco is the seasons, and I think I miss Fall the most. It was sunny but a little cool, and the leaves were changing. Picturesque indeed. Afterwards, Bill and Katie put us to work. First, Katie and I scooped up roughly 6 tons of used cat litter that the previous owner of their house (they only moved in a couple of months ago) had dumped in the backyard. Then we aided in The Great Dog Fence Project (TGDFP). Thunder (Chocolate Lab) and Jack (Bl ...

Groundhog Day and Family Business 2008-02-04 09:46:15 As you are probably well aware, on Saturday the 2nd, Punxsutawney Phil, the most famous groundhog of all time, emerged from his burrow at Gobbler’s Knob around 7:25 am and saw his shadow.   This means there will be six more weeks of winter.  The gate to Gobbler’s Knob, in case you’re interested, opened at 3 am for interested parties.  Three-ay-em. Yikes. What kind of people get in line at 3 am to watch a rodent look for his shadow?  Actually, I would have gone, if Punxsutawney was within an hour or two of our place.  Turns out, however, that it’s located closer to Pittsburgh than Philadelphia.  Anyway, Phil has prognosticated a long winter this year, which should make those of you who have the best snow scraper of all time quite happy. Saturday was a bittersweet day for Phil, because in a related story, a Federal investigation culminated in the arrest of four groundhogs from the Punxsutawney area.  Punxsutawney Paul, Punxsutawney Peter, Punxsutawney Par ...

The Humor-Blogs NFL Postseason Pickfest, Part, Ah, Deux Plus Deux 2008-02-01 09:01:41 All right folks, here we go.  With the excitement at a fever pitch in expectation of the big picks from the humor-blogs community, it’s time we cut the crap, got down to brass tacks and talked turkey.  For those of you who figured I was a shoe-in to win this thing (which was, of course, everyone), I have some bad news for you.  The bad news is that I can’t win.  I can’t win no matter how you slice it.  Chris (formerly AKA Tuna but currently in search of a new AKA due to irate people confusing him with a certain football personality) from Angry Seafood is 6-4 (.600) during our postseason pickfest and Rickey Henderson is 5-3 (.625).  I am sitting at 5-5 (.500).  If we all win, Chris wins.  If we all lose, Chris wins.  If Rickey wins and Chris loses, a fight will ensue about percentages vs. total number of picks.  The best I can do is tie Chris for the ultimate prize if he and Rickey both lose and I win, unless (here we see another example of that literary ... Humor

January 30th, the Most Wonderful Day of the Year 2008-01-30 08:05:18 It was a few January 30ths ago, in a little hospital in Trenton, NJ, that my life changed.  I didn’t know it changed at the time, because I had six more weeks to incubate.  Anyway, on this day, my lovely wife was born.  I know that it’s funny for married people to joke about how terrible married life is, but that’s just not my experience.  Beth has been my life partner for 19 years, and it just keeps getting better.  I tend to think that it’s not necessarily US that makes us so great, but her.  I think that anyone with a couple of brain cells would notice how wonderful Beth is and snatch her up immediately if she wasn’t already taken.  That is, I’m pretty sure she’s taken.  There have been times she’s gone out with her girlfriends and guys have inquired as to her level of availability, but up to this point, Johnny Depp has not been one of them.  If Johnny Depp was to inquire about her availability, I might wind up having to put up a profile at one of th ...

Yet Another Celebrity Guest Blogger 2008-01-28 10:49:04 Our special celebrity guest blogger today is writing from an uncharted desert isle. “Three years. It’s been three years. I can’t believe it. It was only supposed to be a three hour tour. A three hour tour. Who found the tree sap for the pancake syrup? Me. Who saved everyone from the WWII vet who didn’t know the war was over? Me. Who took a coconut on the nose? Me. Who became the radio to warn us about the typhoon? Me. Who towed the mine out into the lagoon, where it exploded harmlessly? Me. Who saved Mrs. Howell’s life? Me. Finally, who burned the bush with the mind-reading berries, saving us from total self-destruction? Me.  Me me me. Without me, we wouldn’t have survived on this island for a three stinking weeks. Three stinking weeks.  It must be great being a hero, you’re thinking.  The others must worship you like some kind of diety.  You’d think so, wouldn’t you?  No. I’m The Official Fall Guy. The Moron. The Scape ...

Avatars Made of Boogies Melt Into the Sea… Eventually 2008-01-25 13:18:49 YOU:  “Dude, like when are you going to update your blog?” ME:  “IDK.” YOU:  “Plus, I posted a really funny post I think you would love but you haven’t visited my blog!” ME:  “IK.” YOU:  “And I heard you have some pictures and you’re gonna put up some picture posts and they’re gonna be great!  When is that gonna happen?” ME:  “IDK.” YOU:  “And you probably have something to say about the NFL playoffs and your picks and the big game.  What do you think?” ME:  “IDFLTTM.” YOU:  “What?” ME:  “I Don’t Feel Like Typing That Much.” All I know is that if I wasn’t the king of bulk shopping I would have run out of tissues a few days ago.  My nasal cavity is only so big.  There’s no way that the number of boogies that I’ve redistributed from my head to facial tissues over the last few days could possibly fit in there, u ...

A Celebrity Guest Blogger, We Have Today 2008-01-21 09:58:52 From a planet in the Dagobah System, a special celebrity guest blogger: “Old am I, and troubles my arthritis does the humidity here. And believe the size of the bugs you would not. Take off with an R2 unit could they. Strong with me the force is, though ten Death Stars would you need to this place fumigate. Consists of squirmy things afraid to pick up am I, my diet does. Chosen a better planet for retirement, should have I. Levitating youngsters at birthday parties for tips old is getting, but an arm and a leg do interstellar movers charge. Rich as Jabba the Hut would I be, but phased out the old Republic Credits have been. Hypnotized smugglers into moving me for free would I, but frowned upon is the use of the force in such ways. A terrible roommate young Skywalker is. Take out the trash when I ask him does he not, and funny to turn my staff into a swamp eel he thinks it is. Listens to Mos Eisley Cantina music day in and day out does he. Over and over he plays it, and to the oth ...

The Humor-Blogs NFL Postseason Pickfest, Part, Um, Deux Plus One 2008-01-18 09:02:24 Dear Howie Long (ex-NFL player and current CBS football analyst), Your manliness impresses me most impressively.  Your rugged good looks and muscular frame make you a natural for television commercials, I am quite sure.  But please, Howie, please, just take a peek in a dictionary the next time you try to use a 75 cent word.  The Giants did not let Ryan Grant go to the Packers for next to nothing because they had a ”dearth” of running backs.  I didn’t recall any of the announcers declaring that last Sunday was Opposite Day, so I assume you made a whoopsie.  What they had was a “glut,” a “big heapin’ bunch,” a “whole mess of.”    I am locked in a no-holds-barred spike-walled cage match of death suspended over a tank full of peckish Barracudas with Chris (AKA Tuna) from Angry Seafood and Rickey Henderson in the penultimate week of the most succesful Humor-Blogs Postseason Pickfest yet.  Then tension is, um, really ... Humor

Being, Nothingness and The Band Meme 2008-01-16 07:49:56 Kuanyin left on comment on my last post asking if I did memes and tagging me if I did.   My response was to shout at my monitor, curl up in a fetal position, suck my thumb for 30 minutes then throw my computer out the window.  After I went out and bought a replacement computer, I took a look at her meme.  I dig her blog, it’s the least I can do.  And the meme is a breeze.  Anyone can do it in like ten seconds.  Phew.  Here’s the scoop: The Band Meme 1. Click on this link. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random. The first article title on the page is the name of your band. 2. Click on this link. http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3. The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album. 3. Click on this link. http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/. The third picture is your album cover. 4. Use your graphics program of choice to throw them together and you’re done. My album cover is:          Mitsubishi Plastics is an ...

Out-Seducing Carmen Electra’s Seductive Seduction Suggestions 2008-01-14 09:55:25 Since The Fearless Frog (my financial alias) retired a week or so ago, I have been racking my brain trying to figure out how to once again serve the online community with generosity and fervor.  I scoured the human psyche for that void, that need, that desire we all share.  Then, while I was in line at the grocery store, it struck me.  Every single magazine in the display rack advertised to us housewives out shopping that it was The Magazine with The Answer.   The Answer was to the question of How to (Attract, Please, Keep or Get Back) that Special Guy.  Even relationship guru Carmen Electra has a has a new book about that very topic.  Let’s go to the tape and take a look back at the last 20 years, shall we?  Here are the (documented) people Carmen Electra has been romantically entangled with since 1989: This guy:        This guy:          This girl:        Both of these guys:      And this guy:        Here is a self-portrait photo montage ...

The Humor-Blogs NFL Postseason Pickfest, Part Deux 2008-01-10 20:17:20 After a glorious first week in the annual Humor-Blogs NFL Postseason Pickfest I am in second place.  Oh sure, some of you Naysaying Neds or Moping Myrnas might say, “Dude.  There are only two people participating.” (The other one is Chris (AKA Tuna) from Angry Seafood).  But I am a half-full kind of guy.  Like in the morning after I eat a healthy breakfast, I only feel half full and I go to 7-11 and get one of their 4,500 calorie coffee rolls. (NOTE:  Before I went to press Chris sent me an email informing me that Rickey Henderson was joining the fun, which is great news for me, because now I am not second out of two, but second out of three. See that? I’m moving up in the rankings without doing anything, kind of like when I email Diesel and tell him my humor-blogs referral clicker is broken and can he please click on it 37 times to insure it is operating correctly.  I TOLD you I was good.) I don’t really do that to Diesel. He puts enough time in at th ... Humor

Claritin-D, For All Your Drug Manufacturing Needs 2008-01-07 11:07:59 I was feeling a bit ill this weekend, so I spent most of it on the couch watching the football games.  Yes, it appears that after a blistering regular season I have run into a bit of a Schottenheimer Syndrome in dropping two out of my first four playoff picks.  But we shall address that at another time.  What I’d really like to talk about is everyone’s favorite hobby, manufacturing meth. Schering-Plough has been running a TV ad campaign showing healthy looking people hiking, rafting, jumping off things and generally enjoying vigorous activity.  The narrator comes on and says, in a snooty voice, “Unlike some other medications, Claritin D has chosen NOT to change.”  The vigorous people in the commercial then take a break from their vigorous activity to thank Claritin for sticking to its good old-fashioned formula.  This switch they are talking about, is, of course, the switch that many medications have made from the nasal decongestant pseudoephedrine, which ...

Frogster on Sports (Because “Frogster on Tuna” Would Give You the Wrong Idea) 2008-01-04 21:44:48 Chris (AKA Tuna) from Angry Seafood and I have been talking about the NFL playoffs, because, well, who hasn’t?  He asked if I would like to do a cross-post sort of thing where we go head to head.  I said okay but two days ago I discovered a serious computer problem (Sony’s evil, subversive and illegal copy protection software) and attempted to remove it but only got halfway.  So the evil software would try to fire up, decide it couldn’t, and not let me do anything else with the computer.  A tech guy came out and he said that he could figure out where the problem was but it might take hours and it would be cheaper to simply start over.  Fortunately, I save all my stuff often and had backed up everything I needed.  So we did it.  The reload was a snap, but it has taken me a little time to get myself properly updated and get all the software, etc. back up and running.  In addition, I think I am beginning to get sick as I am feeling as lethargic as the G ...

Mission Accomplished, Or The Fearless Frog Rides Into The Sunset With A Full Savings Account 2008-01-02 21:58:42 Don’t try this at home, folks- I’m an expert.  My final tally for ESPN’s “Pigskin’ Pick’em” (their weekly NFL choose the winner game)- 179 correct picks.  The final season tally for ESPN’s “Expert” NFL Analysts:  Seth Wickersham- 18 less than me.  Sean Salisbury- 18 less than me. Mike Golic- 30 less than me. Ron Jaworski- 13 less than me. Merril Hoge- 12 less than me. Chris Mortensen- 15 less than me. Mark Schlereth- 8 less than me. Eric Allen- 29 less than me. So, I could put up a website and say “GET HOT PICKS FROM THE AMPHIBIAN WHO BEATS ESPN’S PICKERS!” with a link to the page with my picks, their picks, etc.  If you were completely flummoxed and HAD to make good NFL picks, you might sign up for my free* newsletter. *free to members of FROGPIXNFL.COM at the $39.95 monthly level. The thing is, I don’t really know more about football than the guys above.  I know a little, but it would be dis ...