The Frog Bog Pontification from the pond. It's funny. Except when it's not. But it usually is. Statistics Unique Visitors: Total Unique Visitors: Outgoing: Total Outgoing: 0 0 0 1497

Articles from The Frog Bog

The Frogster’s Predictions for 2008 2007-12-31 17:31:27 Remember, you read it here first. 1. The metric system will finally catch on in The United States. I have a good feeling about this one. 2. Lexus will come out with a car that not only parks itself, but also blows raspberries at Hyundais.  3. The Who will embark on their seventeenth “Farewell Tour.” 4. National Fruitcake Day (you didn’t think I’d put up a post that made no mention of fruitcake whatsoever, did you?) will be declared a national holiday and every kid who brings a fruitcake to school for the less fruitcakily fortunate will be exempt from having to climb to the top of that rope in gym class. 5. I will at last break into People’s “Top 50 Sexiest Men Alive” list, after finishing 53, 51 and 54 over the last three years. 6. After “The Dark Knight” is released, computer reconstructions will prove that Luke Skywalker could STILL kick Batman’s butt. 7. Bad-boy actor Colin Farrell will be ruined after he accidentally ...

The Fruitcake Meerkat Comes Tonight! 2007-12-28 08:52:25 If you think that after four posts in a row about fruitcake here at The Frog Bog we would give it a rest and think of something else to post about, you’d best think again.  With National Fruit Cake Day less than 24 hours away, now is when we fruitcake lovers of the world need to unite, to combine our voices in one mighty roar of fruitcake glee! I recently read a blog post about how “The First Noel” is the worst Christmas Carol ever.  This is, of course, because it is a perversion of the original tune, the first verse of which goes: “The first fruitcake the baker did cook, had orange filled crannies and dates in its nooks.” You can probably figure out what the chorus is. And since National Fruitcake Day is Saturday, that means tonight is Fruitcake Eve, when all of the good fruitcake lovers of the world wait anxiously for a visit from The Fruitcake Meerkat.  The Fruitcake Meerkat visits only the pure at heart who preach the good word of fruitcake.  I&rsq ...

Happy Holidays From Me, Santa and The Fruitcake Meerkat 2007-12-23 20:11:19 I’m fixing to take a few days off to enjoy some time (and, obviously, some fruitcake) with the family. In the meantime, I leave you with this picture that conveys the real meaning of the holiday season- forced photos, crass commercialism and sheer, unadulterated terror. I believe this picture was taken in 1973.      Happy Holidays. National Fruitcake Day (December 29th) will be here before you know it, and The Fruitcake Meerkat will be visiting your ovens to fill them with a great big holiday fruitcake! I think I speak for everyone when I say I can’t wait! I was just as scared when humor-blogs.com asked me to sit in its lap. I saw frogster peeing on Santa Claus in the K-Mart picture booth last night National Fruitcake Day The Fruitcake Meerkat - ...

Big Holiday Fruitcake Mania Ultra Mega Super Post! 2007-12-21 09:40:01 Take it away, Fruitcakettes! “Ready?  Ohhh-Kay! What’s that sittin’ on my fridge?  FRUITCAKE!  FRUITCAKE!  Don’t Bogart it, give me a smidge!  FRUITCAKE!  FRUITCAKE! From frozen north to sweaty south!  FRUITCAKE!  FRUITCAKE!  It’s like a party in your mouth!  FRUITCAKE!  FRUITCAKE!  YAAAAAAAAAY FRUITCAKE!  WHOO!” Thank you, Fruitcakettes.  Yes, we’re here to celebrate that most beloved of all holiday treats, The Fruitcake, and to continue in our crusade against fruitcake hatred.  Looks like I have unearthed some unfounded and horrifying fruitcake prejudice right here in our blog community, as sadly shown by the comments villifying fruitcake on this post. Don’t blame the fruitcake for turning bad, blame the chef for raising it incorrectly.  We’re talking nurture here, not nature.  Whether your choice is light fruitcake (made with corn syrup, granulated sugar, apricots, golden raisins, etc.), or dark fruitcake (ma ...

The Frogster Gets Snarky 2007-12-20 08:29:27 I was fortunate enough to receive an invitation from Neva aka Snuppy aka CIA Special Operative #4T39BT4 (everyone already knows about the last one, right?) to post over at The Central Snark, so I did. Check it out. It’s about fruitcake. It’s funny. Thanks, Neva. After reading some of the comments on my post over at The Snark, I have found this blog’s reson d’etre.  That is to spread the good word about fruitcake.  We just need to get to know a fruitcake and see that the bad things people say about them aren’t true.  To know a fruitcake is to love it.  Or, more precisely, to love to eat it.  The Central Snark don’t be hatin’ on my fruitcake - ...

Smells Like Beyonce 2007-12-19 11:10:03 Read part of The New York Times (Sunday Edition.  It’s a thick paper, it takes some time to get through) last night.  Was greeted by a full-page ad for a new perfume.  Perfume made by that world-famous olfactorist… …Beyonce.  What does it smell like?  Well, check out the description: TRUE STAR:  “The audacious freshness of raspberry and lychee, invigorated by the feminine sexiness of rose and the sensual rhythm of patchouli and amber.” The what of what?  Anyway, up until now I’ve been happy with my fame and fortune as a result of being a world-famous blogger, but now I realize it’s time to diversify, like all the smart hip-hop moguls. That is why I’ve decided to launch a line of scents perfect for any occasion.  Browse through our Winter 2007 catalog below and contact me to place your order.  NINE TWO FIVE:  “The inexpensive ordinariness of antisceptic and celery, dispirited by the familiar defeatism of daybreak ... Beyonce

Male Enhancement Part Two- The Tadpole Speaks 2007-12-16 19:41:36 Tadpole (AKA Mrs. Frogster AKA Beth) here.  I understand there are inquiring minds who are curious to hear from me about how much magic The Frogster’s “Male Enhancer” has been working. I was skeptical at first – sure that the product was a hoax. Then the other day, I was walking through the living room and there was my Frogster, with the remote control in one hand and a beverage in the other. Oblivious to my presence, he farted and belched five times each before I made it from one end of the room to the other. Atypical behavior for my Frogster, but maybe, I thought, his last meal just wasn’t agreeing with him. Speaking of our last meal, and the meal before that – it seems that the only meals he knows how to prepare anymore involve the barbeque grill. Gone are the sautées, the stir-frys and the home made pasta sauces I’d become accustomed to. Every meal we’ve had in the last week has come off the grill. You don’t even want to know about the eggs he grilled for ...

Male Enhancement 2007-12-12 15:02:24 Beth and I don’t watch TV. It’s the commercials. They drive Beth crazy. I’m not as intelligent as she is, so I’m not as easily offended by some loudmouthed spokesmodel telling me that I need to buy something RIGHT NOW or else nobody will like me as my darling wife is. If we find a TV show we both dig (which we haven’t because they haven’t made Six Feet Under The Starship Enterprise yet), we’ll rent the DVD’s. After Beth went to bed one night a couple of nights ago, I was able to use the TV the way that God intended: to infomercial-surf. And boy, did I find an infomercial. I found an infomercial for A Male Enhancement Product. Immediately, I leapt off the couch and grabbed the phone, because I REALLY need male enhancement. I’m just not very masculine in many ways. I don’t care about or enjoy working on cars, I’m not interested in power tools, when I’m lost I ALWAYS stop and ask for directions and I’m just not ...

The Fearless Frog’s Stock Picks For December 10th, 2007, Or If Your Broker Jumped Off The Brooklyn Bridge, Would You Buy The Stock He Was Selling? 2007-12-10 10:20:08 I’m gonna need to think about tightening up my post titles at some point.   The background info about The Fearless Frog is here. The more recent background info about TFF’s patented Alphabetic Inversion and Chart Reversal Strategy is here. Today I’d like to talk about one of the tools that financial pros use to help them determine when to buy and sell stocks, technical analysis.  If enough technical analysts are tracking a particular stock, it works like a dream, because every one of them is looking for the same thing, and when that same thing happens, all of the technical analysts take the Technical Analyst Approved Action and the stock reacts in the way technical analysis predicted.  The most simple tool used by technical analysts is called support and resisitance.  Let’s take a look at The Frog Bog’s visitors over the last month, according to this site.            As you can see by the chart above that I resized and was too lazy to clean ...

The Suncast SB 350 Snow Brush Squeegee Ice Scraper, Or My Ice Scraper Can Kick Your Ice Scraper’s Butt 2007-12-06 23:37:52 In news from the blogosphere, this guy is back online again after a brief hiatus, though it’s obvious the time off hurt his blog, because his recent post had only four hundred and forty eight thousand comments instead of the usual six hundred and twenty seven thousand.  Welcome back, Dan!   But I’m not here to talk about comment envy.  I’m here to talk about the weather.  It snowed a couple of days ago.  Not a lot, but it was snow.  It also sleeted (slote?).  And it freezing rained (rained frozen?).  Now, I often hear East Coasters complain about winter drivers. On our recent snowy day as I was leaving my sister’s house, she said, “Be careful. A lot of idiots don’t know how to drive in the snow.” I responded, “You mean like people who just moved here from California?” Yes, that’s right. The idiot who doesn’t know how to drive in the snow is me. Moi. Yours truly. Me me me. Now, this does not make me a bad pe ...

Socks Clinton’s Eighteen Guilty Pleasures- A Double Dose Of CC Satisfaction 2007-12-05 08:41:31 Aren’t you supposed to be here voting for me in Diesel’s latest caption contest?  Go ahead, I’ll wait… … …Okay.  A week or two (or maybe longer) ago, the always insightful, inane and informative CC tagged me with a meme.  Ah, I remember the good old days when I got like two visitors every day and I was always hoping I’d be tagged.  Anyway, I just won a contest over at her place, but she couldn’t resist giving me a furious finger wag for not playing meme with her.  This is a bummer.  I could have handled her removing me from her links, putting up fake nude photos of me, hacking into my bank account or a wide variety of other punishments, but a furious finger wag, well, that’s serious.  So I’m getting on the ball. Also, a month or so ago, after reading my interview with Putin’s dog, CC suggested that I next interview the Clinton’s cat Socks.  So, tying it all together, I am pleased to give you Socks Clin ...

The Fearless Frog’s Stock Picks for December 3, 2007, Or Helpful Phrases Week 2007-12-03 10:29:03 The background info about The Fearless Frog is here. The more recent background info about TFF’s patented Alphabetic Inversion and Chart Reversal Strategy is here. All I know is that if Santa doesn’t bring me that Wireless Phone TV Backscratcher in High Def Surround Sound With Bluetooth Enabled 1080p Featuring The Electric Toaster With Optional 80 Gig Lemon Zester, I am gonna be steamed!  Everybody knows I want it and all the cool guys at work are sure they’re getting one.  And I REALLY want it!  REALLY! We’ve forgotten a few words in our society today which I would like to help us remember during this holiday season.  If you can buy the guy or gal of your dreams the above item without dipping into your savings (okay, I’ll even say you can use the money you normally put into savings this month (but only this month) to pay for it), go right ahead.  If you have to resort to credit cards or signing up for one of those “pay no money until 2010!& ...

The Toilet Paper King 2007-11-30 09:00:18 I’ve been doing a lot of soul-numbing administrative stuff to attempt to further my literary career lately, so I’m wrung out writing-wise.  But I would like to report that I went to Costco this week and summarily discovered the we already had toilet paper in the attic, so we are now the proud owners of 176 rolls of toilet paper.  Good stuff, too.  Charmin Ultra Soft.  So if you’re having gastrointestinal difficulties, you know who to call. go ahead and squeeze my Charmin - ...

The Spider Web Contractor 2007-11-28 10:13:12 BORIS THE SPIDER:  “Hi!  Willie’s Web Wranglers.  Boris speaking.  What can I do for you?” SHELOB:  “Hi, Boris, my name is Shelob.  I wanted to talk to you about building us a web.” BORIS:  “Shelob?  Hey, I think I know your husband Ziggy.” SHELOB:  “I think you may be mistaken.  My husband’s name is not Ziggy.” BORIS:  “You’re not the spiders from Mars?” SHELOB:  “No, we’re the Araneidaes from Belmar, New Jersey.” BORIS:  “Oh.  Well, what can I do for you, Shelob?” SHELOB:  “We need a web.” BORIS:  “I see.  Do you currently own a web?” SHELOB:  “Yes, yes we do, but it’s, well, it’s not really very useful lately.” BORIS:  “Okay.  Getting a bit run down?” SHELOB:  “It’s just not working.  It just sort of lies there all saggy.”              BORIS:  “That doesn&rsq ...

Thanksgiving Television Has Gone To The Dogs 2007-11-26 09:20:16 I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving.  My wife and I stayed in and mellowed out.  We had a minor turkey setback because I couldn’t get the darn digital thermometer to work correctly.  It kept saying the turkey was the approximate temperature of the sun.  Finally, we just decided to use the little pop up thingy, even though Alton Brown says these things are set to go off when the meat is too hot and relying on this device gives you dry turkey.  Beth did some knitting, I did some writing, and we both settled onto the couch to watch some typical Thanksgiving TV.  You think you know what this means, don’t you?  You think we watched multimillionares run into one another at full speed with helmets on, don’t you?  Well, we were planning to.  At one point I went to check on the dinner, and the remote fell into the hands of Beth.  Beth doesn’t mind watching football, and gladly joins me for a few minutes if one of my particular unfavorite teams is playi ...