Special Kind of Stupid Humor by and for the comedically impaired. Statistics Unique Visitors: Total Unique Visitors: Outgoing: Total Outgoing: 0 0 3 2425

Articles from Special Kind of Stupid

It Takes a Village 2007-07-23 14:51:31 Because the coffee machine at my work’s kitchen broke earlier this morning, during my lunch break I stopped by the local CVS Pharmacy for my non-coffee caffeine drink of choice, Coke Zero. I walked inside, quickly grabbed two 20-oz bottles and got in the checkout line. In front of me in line was a lady in her 60s and two children (a boy and a girl, who I estimate were ages 8 and 10, respectively). The kids lacked what I like to call an “indoor voice” (the ability not to speak as though the person you’re communicating with is fifty yards away and hard of hearing). The lady had no control over them. When they yelled at one another from five feet away, she didn’t tell them to hush. When the boy was crawling on the floor to pick up change he had dropped (crawling between the woman’s legs in the process), she didn’t tell him to behave. When the girl began to touch every item the lady had placed on the checkout counter, she didn’t tell her to s ...

Kidz Bop 21: The Christina Aguilera Collection 2007-07-22 15:36:21 After nearly six years producing albums that featured pre-teens singing covers of mildly inappropriate pop songs, the makers of Kidz Bop announced today that they have officially sold their souls to the devil and abandoned all pretense with the planned release of Kidz Bop 21: The Christina Aguilera Collection. “We’ve been making parents and sane adults uncomfortable for years with the songs we’ve chosen to cover,” said Kidz Bop producer and co-founder, who goes simply by the name Lucifer. “Britney Spears’ Toxic, Hinders’ Lips of an Angel, Avril Lavigne’s Girlfriend…the damage we’ve done to these children’s lives is impossible to quantify. It’s fun to try, but it’s impossible.” The album’s debut single, Dirrty, originally scheduled for release on 6/6/06 before production delays, will hit stores the next Friday the 13th, which is in June 2008. The album will be released the following week. “W ...

Cruise Buys Home Next to Oprah, Oprah Beefs up Security 2007-07-19 15:57:30 Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have purchased a home in Montecito, CA that is just down the road from Oprah Winfrey’s $50 million estate. Cruise, who infamously made headlines in 2005 when he psychotically jumped up and down on Oprah’s sofa while appearing on her TV show, is excited about the move. “We can’t wait to move in,” a jubilant Cruise told reporters. “Katie is already planning on baking a pie so that we can take it over to Oprah’s house for a ‘welcome to the neighborhood’ kind of thing.” When told it was customary for existing members of a neighborhood to welcome new members, Cruise began to laugh uncontrollably. He then punched a nearby kitten. In unrelated news, Oprah has put her home up for sale. While it originally debuted on my blog, this article was later published by Associated Content on August 14, 2007. You can go read it here.        ...

The 10 Most Unusual Music Videos: Part 1 2007-07-19 10:36:22 Number 10 Artist: Presidents of the USA Video: Peaches I’m fairly certain this is the only video in history to feature a bald singer crooning about his love of peaches while being attacked by masked ninjas. At least I hope it’s the only video. This video provokes so many questions: Why does this guy love peaches so much? Why are the ninjas attacking him? Do they hate peaches? Were the ninjas hired by owners of apple orchards? Number 9 Artist: Counting Crows Video: Accidentally in Love This video has it all. A singing rabbit with bangs? Check. An idiot guy in boxer shorts setting a kitchen on fire, dropping eggs on the floor, picking up said eggs from floor and putting them in frying pan, and dancing (badly) to the aforementioned rabbit’s song? Double Check. A woman in her underwear who had apparently spent the previous night with the aforementioned idiot guy, but who decides to dump him in favor of the singing rabbit? Of course. Number 8 Artist: Live Video: Freaks Ima ...

Bank of America’s “Keep the Change” Program Not All It’s Cracked up to be 2007-07-18 15:24:38 I’ll be the first to admit that on face value Bank of America’s “Keep the Change” program is pretty appealing. They will match 100% of your funds during the first three months you’re enrolled in the program. “Match” and “100%” are code words for “free money.” As I like to say, you can’t beat free. So what exactly IS the program? BoA debit card customers with both check and savings accounts are eligible. Your debit card is linked to your checking account. Whenever you use your debit card to purchase something, BoA “rounds up” the total and puts it into your savings account. For example, if you purchased something for $9.80, an even $10 is taken from your checking. The extra 20 cents is placed in savings. During the first three months of your enrollment, BoA would match the 20 cents in your savings giving you a total of 40 cents. In essence, you earned 20 cents of “free” money (assuming the it ... America

Too Busy Playing Video Games to Feed Their Children, Couple Pleads Guilty to Neglect 2007-07-18 10:53:39 In a story too insane and inhumane to comprehend, on July 13 a married couple in Nevada pleaded guilty to two counts of child neglect. With food and baby formula in the home, the couple’s two children, ages 2 and 11 months, were found malnourished and close to death after having gone without food for an undetermined period of time. Why did the couple, Michael and Iana Shaw, not feed their children? They were preoccupied playing the online video game, Dungeons & Dragons. The Straw case was cracked open after a neighbor complained to police about a baby’s constant crying. An officer’s visit prompted social workers to investigate and ultimately take the children to the hospital where doctors said they were severely malnourished and were on the verge of death … Michael Straw in September received a $50,000 inheritance which he spent by December on computer equipment and a large plasma television screen that displayed their video games, namely Dungeons & Dra ... Children  Games

Tips for Teachers: Classroom Management Ideas 2007-07-15 20:04:50 The following post was recently submitted to and published by Associated Content. Unlike my previous AC submissions, this one is brand new to the online world: Shortly after graduating from college (and by “shortly” I mean the very next day), I began work as a teacher at the very high school from which I had graduated only years earlier. I believe the term “trial by fire” aptly described my situation. As the school’s first ever computer teacher, I was charged with creating the curriculum from scratch, learning all the software used by faculty and staff, and teaching all new faculty and staff how to use said software. There was also the little matter of figuring out how to be a teacher. The first year was quite the learning experience. However, in time I picked up numerous tips and tricks to make my life easier. I even came up with a few classroom management ideas of my own. Go here to read the rest of the article at Associated Content.    &n ...

I’ve Been Published (sort of) 2007-07-13 15:56:30 Associated Content (which pegs itself as “The People’s Media Company”) has published six “articles” of mine previously posted on my blog. During my quest to see if I could earn some supplemental income with my blogging hobby, I stumbled upon AC’s website and submitted some of my work. In addition to the enjoyment of seeing your work and your name on another website, Associated Content also paid me a few bucks for each article. Not too shabby. If that wasn’t enough, once a month AC will give me a bonus based on how many views my articles receive. The more views, the bigger bonus and the more they will be willing to pay me for additional article contributions. (What’s this mean to you, my three regular blog readers? It means it would be great if you visited each of my AC articles a few thousand times. Thanks in advance, guys.) Without further ado, here are the articles AC published. If you have never previously read them, enjoy. If you have ...

Two of Everything 2007-07-12 14:37:28 Looking around my desk at work, it appears I have two of everything (two scissors, two staplers, two staple removers, two tape dispensers, etc.). When I moved to this office, the person who had it before me left all of her stuff behind. I didn’t know that when I moved in, so I brought all of my stuff from my old office with me. Since I am full of riches, I think I will give some of my belongings to the less fortunate. And when I say “give” I mean “sell on Amazon.” And when I say “less fortunate” I mean anyone in the market for a beautiful, black stapler.        ...

Movie Idea #739: Rocky Balboa on a Plane 2007-07-12 12:29:32 A few weekends ago, the family rented three movies. The two “guy” movies were Snakes on a Plane and Rocky Balboa. This led to the following conversation: Me: If they combined these two movies, it would be called “Rocky Balboa on a Plane.” Family Member #1: That doesn’t sound very entertaining. Me: That’s where you’re wrong. Think about it. You’re on a plane. You’re minding your own business. And then Rocky Balboa sits down beside you. Family Member #2: And? Me: That’s it. It would be a short movie, but I predict box office gold. Yes, I realize my sense of humor is unusual.        ...