Special Kind of Stupid Humor by and for the comedically impaired. Statistics Unique Visitors: Total Unique Visitors: Outgoing: Total Outgoing: 0 0 3 2425

Articles from Special Kind of Stupid

There are Snakes on the Plane! No, Seriously! 2007-09-05 23:13:30 According to the Atlanta Journal Constitution: Security officers found 30 snakes, a dead bird and pieces of several other birds in the luggage of a man arriving at Atlanta’s Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport from South Korea last month. The snakes were dead, but startled screeners still took extra precautions with the reptiles, said Jon Allen, a spokesman for the Transportation Security Administration. “We contacted U.S. Fish and Wildlife, and they warned us some of them probably still contained venom,” Allen said. Allen said the snakes and birds were inside “four or five” boxes checked as luggage by a Korean Air passenger arriving at Hartsfield-Jackson’s international terminal on Aug. 15. Checked luggage coming into the country is routinely screened, and it is not unusual to find animals and animal parts. TSA officials said they have no idea what the passenger intended to do with the creatures. When asked for comment, actor Samuel L. Jackson, ...

Trend Resetter 2007-09-05 11:13:57 Never one to follow trends, I have instead made it my mission in life to run away screaming in the opposite direction of them. This “do the opposite” philosophy has served me well in most instances (the Macarena, John Travolta movies, Mambo #5, Reality TV) and not so well in others (not drinking 8 glasses of water per day, not looking both ways before crossing the street, wearing white after Labor Day). The big trend of recent years I have avoided like the plague is the Harry Potter phenomenon. Mind you, I have nothing against the lad or anyone who enjoys his adventures. It’s just that I have never seen a single Potter movie or read a single Potter book, and I have considered my lack of knowledge in this area to be a badge of honor in some strange way. However, now that it has been ten years since the first Harry Potter novel (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone) was released, I have decided it is safe to break my ban. Over the next week, I will read The Sorce ...

Uncovering a Scam: Wal-Mart Free Samples 2007-09-04 13:50:42 Frugal cat that I am, I periodically sign up for free Wal-Mart samples at their website. I use an alias (”Chi Chi”) to protect my identity. To date, I have received: A sample of some new flavor of Crest toothpaste, which lasted almost a week A moistened dust cloth for the interior of my car (good for [almost] one use) One fabric softener sheet A sample of organic cat food, which lasted several days (my cat Smokey is all about the organic) However, my latest sample has me crying foul: Listerine Dissolving White Strips. When I opened the envelope, it was empty. No sample. No dissolving white strips. No nothing. Clearly, I have been scammed. It’s things like this that make Chi Chi hoppin’ mad.        ...

Signs of the Apocalypse: #419 2007-09-03 20:38:23 A month ago, Time came out with an article that discussed a growing trend: ATM machines in church lobbies. Churches that accept debit and credit cards for tithing has been growing in popularity since 2005, when a pastor in Augusta, GA conceived the idea. In fact, a recent Dallas Morning News poll found that 55% of 200 local churches accept credit and/or debit cards. Putting aside the fact I could save money by tithing with my cash rewards credit card, I do believe this is undeniable evidence the world is doomed.        ...

Help Me Help You! 2007-09-03 01:00:29 by Cuba Gooding Jr. Life has been very, very good to Cuba! Currently, I’m starring with the Michael Jordan in a series of Hanes underwear commercials. I’m the star of a little movie destined to become a comedy classic called Daddy Day Camp. Yeah, you’ve heard of it. I’m also the star of a spoof commercial for Cialis that is currently taking the web by storm. To say I have reaped the benefits of my 1997 Academy Award trophy would be a gigantic understatement. But for all my incredible achievements, I’m afraid Cuba has been a huge failure in one area: giving back to the fans. The time has come for me to finally give the fans what they’ve been begging for since December 1996. It’s time for Jerry Maguire 2. I know what you’re thinking. “Why now, Cuba? Why are you lowering yourself to a Jerry Maguire sequel when you are at the top of your game?” Like I said earlier, it’s all for you, the fans. Through the years, you have loya ...

Random Video: The Security Door 2007-09-02 23:58:06 “That’s the stuff.” My favorite clip from one of my favorite television shows, NewsRadio. In the video, Dave is paranoid that outsiders are stealing from him, so he has a security door installed at work. His employees see the door as a huge inconvenience, so they keep propping a chair in front of it. This makes Dave even more edgy, paranoid and, in this clip, slightly insane. One of the funniest things ever.        ...

Show Me Jerry Maguire 2! 2007-09-02 23:30:48 by Cuba Gooding Jr. In 1997, I was on top of the world. I had a hit movie under my belt (Jerry Maguire) and an Academy Award on the mantle over my fireplace. I had an ensemble comedy (As Get as it Gets) with Jack Nicholson set to come out later in the year. I had my choice of movie roles - if I wanted it, it was mine. If the director had an objection, I had him fired. I was Cuba Freakin’ Gooding Jr. A decade later, my career is in shambles. Only one thought keeps getting me up in the morning. One thought that keeps me from throwing in the towel. One thought that gives me hope. One thought, three little words: Jerry. Maguire. Sequel. I know what you’re thinking. I am almost 40 years old. My character in Jerry Maguire was a football player. With rare exceptions, football players are long retired by age 40. My agent in the movie, the title character, was portrayed by the one and only Tom Cruise, who is now clinically insane. Blah, blah, blah. I can do this people. No one thoug ...

Random Video: Pee Wee Herman & Mr. Bungle 2007-09-01 00:51:49 It should be noted: I never liked Pee Wee Herman. I thought his TV show was unfunny. The little bit of his movies I saw was unfunny. I thought everything about him was unfunny. In short, I’ve always thought he was unfunny. However, this video from his 80’s TV special (perhaps because Pee Wee Herman is not a feature player in the video) has always made me laugh. Three thoughts to ponder before watching this video: How much soap should you use to wash your hands? Is it possible to have messy hair if you have a military haircut? Should a slice of cake be as big as your head?        ... Amp

Identical Twins Reunited by Awesome Dude and Awesome Dude’s Brother 2007-08-31 17:33:51 In a discovery that has shocked the scientific community, identical twins Heath Clark and Matt Birnie, who have different biological fathers and mothers and were born nearly two years apart, have been reunited. Their reunion is one for the storybooks. It all began when a man known simply as Tim was browsing his awesome brother Kevin’s blog. “Even though we rent a house together, I like to read his hilarious blog entries from time to time during my lunch break at work,” Tim said. “He’s a comedic genius.” “It’s true,” Kevin was quoted as saying. “I am a comedic genius.” It was while looking through some of Kevin’s old entries that Tim discovered a picture that caught his eye. “I saw a picture of a guy that looked exactly like my friend Heath Clark,” Tim said. “I sent Kevin an email asking him where he found that picture of Heath. He responded back saying that the picture was of someone named Matt Bi ...

A Fake Interview with Keanu Reeves: One on One with the World’s Worst Living Actor 2007-08-29 12:07:29 The following is a significant revision of the fake, Keanu-penned blog post I did last year titled, I am an Awful, Awful Actor. This new version was recently published at Associated Content. I will also present it here in all its glory. Inarguably an awful actor, how Keanu Reeves continues to earn work in Hollywood is a mystery even to him. “I am arguably the worst actor alive today,” Keanu Reeves says to me as we shake hands after meeting for the first time. KJD: May I just call you “Keanu” for short? Keanu: Oh, that’s fine. I just wanted to get that out of the way right off the bat. You don’t have to call me “the worst actor alive today” or anything. Unless you want to? KJD: Maybe later. My initial impression of Keanu Reeves after meeting him in person is that he’s a man who possesses ample self awareness. The star of numerous blockbuster movies, Reeves realizes he is an awful actor. In fact, he’s very forthcoming about it. ...

Hooked on Phonics Works for Me: How Learning to Spell Can Make You a Better Blogger 2007-08-27 12:15:41 Sue came to me depressed. “Why does no one visit my blog,” she asked me. “Well Sue,” I responded, trying to choose my words carefully. “No one visits your blog because they think you’re dumb. You misspelled ‘blog’ in your page’s title. Also, you misspelled your name.” Sadly, Sue’s problem is all too common. In today’s fast-paced world, many have replaced proper grammar and spelling with run-on sentences and shorthand. This is fine if you are sending your mom a text message from your cell phone while driving and changing the radio station. It is not fine if you are writing a paper for school, drafting a proposal for your job, or - in Sue’s case - writing a blog. (more…)        ...

Lab Rat 2007-08-21 20:52:40 After the coffee machine in my place of employment’s kitchen broke for the fifth time in three weeks today, I came to the following conclusion: I am an unwilling participant in some sort of sadistic science experiment. Coffee machines simply do not “break.” They’re like alarm clocks, blue jeans or tooth brushes in that regard - once you have one, decades go by before you need another. With that indisputable fact in place, it stands to reason that the only possible explanation for our coffee machine’s repeated breakdowns is foul play. I don’t know where these mad scientists are hiding, but I know they are following my every move. When I take two Advil because of a mid-morning caffeine headache, they are there. When I slap myself hard across the face in order to wake up, they are watching. When I rob the local Starbucks during my lunch break, they write it down in their clipboards. At least I’ve kept my sanity through it all.    &n ...

Eyes in Front 2007-08-21 06:27:58 I find it amusing how words can take on a whole new meaning when used in a different context. A saying that is upbeat and cheery in most situations can be funny and juvenile in another. For example, before my work switched office buildings last year, we always had fliers with inspirational words on the walls of the men’s restroom. The following was once placed above one of the urinals: Look up from what you are doing for a minute. See the beauty that is around you. I know what you’re thinking. No, I didn’t put it there.        ...

From the Xanga Archives: August 20, 2005 2007-08-20 19:56:22 Someday, FoodTV “personalities” Rachael Ray and Emeril Lagasse are going to fall in love and have a child. And that child will one day destroy the world. Ironically, however, the child will not be able to cook. In my world, this qualifies as a deep thought.        ...

From the Xanga Archives: May 29, 2005 2007-08-19 21:32:15 A forgotten part of the moving process is you have to clean your old place. And right now, my old place looks like a garbage can exploded inside of it. Why is my brother such a slob? Why do I keep everything ever given to me? An hour ago, I came across a November 2002 memo from (my former place of employment). Why did I hold onto it? Did it strike me as funny at the time? Did I keep it in case I ever wanted to spit out some gum? Was it a magic memo that promised to grant me three wishes? And if the latter, where are my millions of dollars, my Ivy-league educated supermodel girlfriend, and my ability to turn invisible? I dug up this old post of mine after spending the weekend cleaning. I wrote it while I was getting ready for my April 2005 move. Two years later, in April 2007, I moved again. I am still, four months later, getting my place organized. You would think I’d have learned from my move in 2005 to do a better job of decluttering. But sadly, I did not learn my lesson. I hav ...