Articles from Dailywaste.com Humor and Funny Pics |
February 11 - On this day
2008-02-11 11:54:36
1809 - Robert Fulton patents the steamboat.
1902 - Police assault universal suffrage demonstrators in Brussels.
1916 - Emma Goldman is arrested for lecturing on birth control.
1987 - Philippines constitution goes into effect.
2006 - U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shoots Harry Whittington in the face while the two are hunting together.
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Doctor Visit - Joke of the Day
2008-02-11 11:52:37
A blonde walks into a doctor’s office. She gets in the room with the doctor and says, “Doc, I hurt all over.” The doctor is really confused. He says, “What do you mean, you hurt all over?” The blonde says, “I’ll show you.”
She then touches herself on her leg. “OW!!! I hurt there.” Then she touches her earlobe. “OW!!!!!! I hurt there too!” Then she touches her hair. “OW!!!!! EVEN MY HAIR HURTS!” So the doctor sits back and thinks on it for 5 min. Then he says, “Tell me, is blonde your natural hair color?” The blonde says “Yes, why?”
The doctor says, “Well, you got a broken finger…”
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Joke of the Day - Outdoor Girls
2008-02-10 08:20:04
Two blondes were out walking in the woods. After a while of walking, they came upon a set of tracks. “Those are deer tracks”, said the first blonde. “No way! Those are rabbit tracks”, said the second. Just then a train came by and hit them both.
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February 9 - On this day
2008-02-09 09:02:11
1555 - Bishop of Gloucester John Hooper is burned at the stake.
1900 - Davis Cup competition is established.
1904 - Battle of Port Arthur
1991 - Voters in Lithuania vote for independence.
1995 - Space Shuttle astronauts Bernard A. Harris, Jr. and Michael Foale become the first African American and first Briton, respectively, to perform spacewalks.
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Dear God - Joke of the Day
2008-02-09 09:00:22
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read:
Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday
someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?
Sincerely,
Edna
The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other
workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few
dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which
they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinn ...
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Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins - Movie to see this weekend (February 8, 2008)
2008-02-08 13:44:54
Talk-show sensation RJ Stevens left behind his modest Southern upbringing and family name to transform into a self-help guru dispensing his “Team of Me” philosophy to millions of adoring fans. With a reality-TV-star fiancee and money to burn, there’s no piece of the Hollywood dream RJ hasn’t achieved. After his parents request that he come home for their 50th wedding anniversary, the TV host packs up his 10-year-old son and diva bride-to-be and heads back to Georgia. It’s a chance to prove to his family that he’s no longer the awkward kid they relentlessly picked on. At least, that’s the plan. But when his crazy, lovable family calls him on his big-city attitude and challenges him at every turn, RJ is forced to take a hard look at the man he’s become. He may be a superstar in L.A., but he’s just one of the guys in Dry Springs.
Trailer
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February 8 - On this day
2008-02-08 09:05:51
1622 - King James I of England disbands the English Parliament.
1887 - The Dawes Act authorized the President of the United States to survey Native American tribal land and divide it into individual allotments.
1924 - Capital punishment: The first state execution using gas in the United States takes place in Nevada.
1943 - World War II: Battle of Guadalcanal - United States forces defeat Japanese troops.
1971 - The Nasdaq stock market index debuts.
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The plane ride - Joke of the Day
2008-02-08 09:00:52
There were three guys on a plane. The first guy just ate an apple and decided to throw it out of the plane. So he threw it out just before they landed. When they landed they saw a little girl crying. They asked her what was wrong.
She said, “I was just sitting here playing when an apple fell out of the sky and hit me in the head.
They said, “That sucks”
Then they took off again and the second guy threw a orange out of the plane. When they landed there was a another little girl crying. They asked her what was wrong and she said the same thing as the other girl except that an orange hit her in the head.
So they took off again and just before they landed the third guy threw a bomb off of the plane.
When they landed they saw a little boy laughing. So they asked him what was so funny.
He said, “I farted and my house blew up.”
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February 7 - On this day
2008-02-07 10:50:11
1812 - The strongest in a series of earthquakes strikes New Madrid, Missouri.
1904 - A fire in Baltimore, Maryland destroys over 1,500 buildings in 30 hours.
1964 - The Beatles arrive at JFK International Airport to begin their first tour of the United States.
1969 - The original Hetch Hetchy Moccasin Powerhouse is removed from service.
1979 - Pluto moves inside Neptune’s orbit for the first time since either was known to science.
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The Cleaning Woman - Joke of the Day
2008-02-07 10:45:42
There was a little old cleaning woman that went to the local church. When the invitation was given at the end of the service, she went forward wanting to become a member. The pastor listened as she told him how she had accepted Jesus and wanted to be baptized and become a member of the church. The pastor thought to himself, “oh my, she is so unkempt, even smells a little, and her fingernails are not clean. She picks up garbage, cleans toilets - what would the members think of her.” He told her that she needed to go home and pray about it and then decide.
The following week, here she came again. She told the pastor that she had prayed about it and still wanted to be baptized. “I have passed this church for so long. It is so beautiful, and
I truly want to become a member.”
Again the pastor told her to go home and pray some more.
A few weeks later while out eating at the restaurant, the pastor saw the little old lady. He did not want her to think that he was ign ...
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February 6 - On this day
2008-02-06 10:50:01
1788 - Massachusetts becomes the sixth state to ratify the United States Constitution.
1840 - Signing of the Treaty of Waitangi, founding document of New Zealand.
1922 - Achille Ratti becomes Pope Pius XI.
1952 - Elizabeth II is proclaimed Queen of Canada at Rideau Hall, Ottawa, Ontario.
1996 - A Birgen Air Boeing 757 crashes into the Atlantic Ocean, off the coast of Dominican Republic killing 189.
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