Articles from Dailywaste.com Humor and Funny Pics |
January 26 - On this day
2008-01-26 13:54:25
1340 - King Edward III of England is declared King of France.
1870 - American Civil War: Virginia rejoins the Union.
1934 - German-Polish Non-Aggression Pact is signed.
1965 - Hindi becomes the official language of India.
2006 - Western Union discontinues use of its telegram service. - Bout Damn Time
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Almonds - Joke of the Day
2008-01-26 13:50:28
The day care bus driver drives with a bus full of Sun City seniors down a highway, when a little old lady taps him on his shoulder. She offers him a handful of almonds, which he gratefully munches up.
15 minutes later she taps him on his shoulder again and hands him another handful of almonds. She repeats this gesture about 8 times.
After the 9th time he asks the lady why they do not eat the almonds themselves.
She replied that it is not possible because of their old teeth. They can not chew them.
“Why do you buy them then?” he asks, puzzled. Where upon the lady answers,
“We just love to lick the chocolate around them”.
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January 25 - On this day
2008-01-25 17:49:50
1879 - The Bulgarian National Bank is founded.
1890 - Nellie Bly completes her round-the-world journey in 72 days.
1955 - Soviet Union ends a state of war with Germany.
1961 - In Washington, D.C., John F. Kennedy delivers the first live presidential television news conference.
1981 - Super Bowl XV: The Oakland Raiders defeat the Philadelphia Eagles 21-10 to win their second Super Bowl. Jim Plunkett was named MVP.
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Dark Secret - Joke of the Day
2008-01-25 17:46:47
At school Little Tommy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.”
Little Tommy decided to go home and try it out. He went home, and as he was greeted by his mother he said, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly handed him $20 and said, “Just don’t tell your father.”
Quite pleased, the boy waited for his father to get home from work, and greeted him with, “I know the whole truth.” Tommy’s father promptly handed him $50 and said, “Please don’t say a word to your mother!”
Very pleased, the boy was on his way to school the next day when he saw the mailman at his front door. Little Tommy greeted him by saying, “I know the whole truth.”
The mailman immediately dropped the mail, opened his arms saying, “Then come give your daddy a big hug.”
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January 24 - On this day
2008-01-24 17:23:55
1679 - King Charles II of England disbands Parliament.
1862 - Bucharest proclaimed capital of Romania.
1907 - Robert Baden-Powell founds the Boy Scout movement.
1984 - The first Apple Macintosh went on sale.
1986 - Voyager 2 passes within 81,500 km (50,680 miles) of Uranus.
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Blue - Joke of the Day
2008-01-24 16:51:41
“What’s wrong with me, doc?” asks the patient. “My balls have turned blue!”
The doctor examines him and says his testicles have to be removed, or else he’ll die.
“I can’t let you do that!” the patient cries.
“Do you want to die?” the doctor asks. So the patient glumly consents to have his balls removed.
Two weeks later the patient returns. “Doc, now my penis has turned blue!”
The doctor examines him and reaches the same conclusion: his penis must go.
The man begins to cry. “How will I pee?”
“Simple. We’ll install a plastic pipe and that will do the trick,” says the doctor. “You don’t want to die, do you?”
Again, the man sadly consents to the procedure.
Two weeks later, the man returns again. “Doc! The pipe turned blue! What the hell is happening to me?”
“Well, I’m not really sure,” admits the doctor. “Wait… do you wear ...
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January 23 - On this day
2008-01-23 18:20:21
1570 - The assassination of regent James Stewart, 1st Earl of Moray throws Scotland into civil war.
1571 - The Royal Exchange opens in London.
1907 - Charles Curtis of Kansas becomes the first Native American U.S. Senator.
1996 - The first version of the Java programming language was released.
2002 - Reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped in Karachi, Pakistan. He was murdered .
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Growing Old - Joke of the Day
2008-01-23 18:12:43
A couple had been married for 40 years and also celebrated their 60th birthdays.
During the celebration, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all these years, she would give them one wish each.
Being the faithful, loving spouse for all these years, naturally the wife wanted for herself and her husband to have a romantic vacation together, so she wished for them to travel around the world.
The fairy waved her wand and boom! … The wife had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband’s turn and the fairy assured him he could have any wish he wanted, all he needed to do was ask for his heart’s desire.
He paused for a moment, and then said, “Well, honestly, I’d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me.”
The fairy picked up her wand and kazoom! … The husband turned 90!
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January 22 - On this day
2008-01-22 13:20:04
1840 - British colonists reach New Zealand.
1917 - World War I: President Woodrow Wilson calls for “peace without victory” in Europe.
1962 - The Organization of American States suspends Cuba’s membership.
1973 - A chartered Boeing 707 explodes in flames upon landing at Kano Airport, Nigeria killing 176.
1990 - Robert Tappan Morris, Jr. is convicted of releasing the 1988 Internet worm.
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Doctors meeting - Joke of the day
2008-01-22 13:16:00
A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, “People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems.” The others agreed.
Then one said, “Since we are all professionals, why don’t we take some time right now to hear each other out?”
The other three agreed.
The first then confessed, “I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients.”
The second psychiatrist said, “I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want.”
The third followed with, “I’m involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me.”
The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, “I know I’m not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t keep a secret…”
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