Articles from Dailywaste.com Humor and Funny Pics |
Turtle soup - Joke of the Day
2008-02-06 10:45:37
Waitress walks up to a man and says “Hi, May I take your order please?”
The man replies, “Yes, can I get the turtle soup please.”
The waitress walks off to go get his order, but the man changes his mind and decides he wants pea soup instead.
He calls for the waitress and says, “Hold the turtle, make it pea!”
...
|
February 5 - On this day
2008-02-05 10:50:28
1917 - The Congress of the United States passes a law, over President Woodrow Wilson’s veto, banning most Asian immigration to the United States.
1958 - A hydrogen bomb known as the Tybee Bomb is lost by the US Air Force off the coast of Savannah, Georgia, never to be recovered.
1962 - French President Charles De Gaulle calls for allowing Algeria to be an independent nation.
1968 - Vietnam War: Battle of Khe Sanh begins.
2004 - Rebels from the Revolutionary Artibonite Resistance Front capture the city of Gonaïves, starting the 2004 Haiti rebellion.
...
|
KFC and the Pope - Joke of the Day
2008-02-05 09:45:57
After watching sales falling off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favor.
The Pope says, “What can I do?”
The Colonel says, “I need you to change the daily prayer from, ‘Give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘Give us this day our daily chicken’. If you do it, I’ll donate 10 Million Dollars to the Vatican.”
The Pope replies, “I am sorry. That is the Lord’s prayer and I can not change the words.”
So the Colonel hangs up. After another month of dismal sales, the Colonel panics, and calls again.
“Listen your Excellency. I really need your help. I’ll give you $50 million dollars if you change the words of the daily prayer from ‘Give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘Give us this day our daily chicken.’”
And the Pope responds, “It is very tempting, Colonel Sanders. The church could do a lot of good with that much ...
|
February 4 - On this day
2008-02-04 15:45:56
1932 - World War II: Japan occupies Harbin, China.
1936 - Radium E becomes the first radioactive element to be made synthetically.
1957 - The first nuclear-powered submarine, the USS Nautilus (SSN-571), logs its 60,000th nautical mile, matching the endurance of the fictional Nautilus described in Jules Verne’s novel “20,000 Leagues Under the Sea”.
1998 - An earthquake measuring 6.1 on the Richter Scale in northeast Afghanistan kills more than 5,000.
2006 - A stampede occurs in the ULTRA Stadium near Manila killing 71.
...
|
I Can’t Swim - Joke of the Day
2008-02-04 15:43:22
There was a blonde, sitting in a rowboat, out in the middle of a huge field. She kept screaming “HELP.”
Another blonde happen to be driving by in her car and heard the first blonde yelling for help, so she pulled over to the side of the road to see what was wrong.
She yelled to the blonde sitting in the boat and asked her what was wrong.
The blonde in the boat replied, “I lost the oars and don’t know how to get out of here. Can you help me?”
The second blonde replied, “I would but I can’t swim!”
...
|
February 3 - On this day
2008-02-03 03:20:34
1809 - The Illinois Territory is created.
1834 - Wake Forest University is established.
1916 - Parliament buildings in Ottawa, Canada burn down.
1959 - A plane crash near Clear Lake, Iowa kills Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, and The Big Bopper.
2007 - A Baghdad market bombing kills at least 135 people and injures a further 339.
...
|
Pitching Ball - Joke of the Day
2008-02-03 03:17:20
There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, just like they did every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, “Do you think there’s baseball in heaven?”
Soloman thinks about it for a minute and replies, “I dunno, Abe. But let’s make a deal: If I die first, I will come back and tell you, and if you die first, you come back and tell me, if there is basebal l in heaven.”
They shake on it and, sadly, a few months later poor Abe passes on. One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, “Sol… Sol….”
Sol responds, “Abe! Is that you?”
“Yes it is Sol,” whispers the spirit of Abe.
Sol, still amazed, asks, “So, is there baseball in heaven?”
“Well,” says Abe says, “I got good news and I got bad news.”
“Gimme the good news first,” says Sol.
Abe says, ...
|
February 2 - On this day
2008-02-02 01:55:09
1790 - The U.S. Supreme Court convenes for the first time after an unsuccessful attempt on February 1.
1933 - Adolf Hitler dissolves the German Parliament.
1935 - Leonard Keeler tests the first polygraph machine.
1946 - The Proclamation of Hungarian Republic is made.
1989 - Satellite television service Sky Television plc launched in Europe.
...
|
First Day Of Work - Joke of the Day
2008-02-02 01:48:07
A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, “Your first job will be to sweep out the store.”
“But I’m a college graduate.” the young man replied indignantly.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that,” said the manager. “Here, give me the broom, I’ll show you how.”
...
|
The Eye - Movie to see this weekend (February 1, 2008)
2008-02-01 14:43:29
Sydney Wells (Jessica Alba) is an accomplished concert violinist who has been blind since a childhood tragedy. Sydney undergoes a double corneal transplant, and her sight is restored. But Sydney’s happiness is short-lived as unexplainable shadowy and frightening images start to haunt her. Are they a passing aftermath of her surgery, Sydney’s mind adjusting to sight, a product of her imagination, or something horrifyingly real? As Sydney’s family and friends begin to doubt her sanity, Sydney is soon convinced that her anonymous eye donor has somehow opened the door to a terrifying world only she can now see.
Trailer
...
|
|
|