Buddha And The Couch Buddha and the Couch focuses on the challenge of overcoming depression and anxiety, from both Eastern and Western perspectives. It covers a range of practical, detailed suggestions, as well as more theoretical ways of thinking about the problems and pains of these wild moods. Buddha and the Couch is updated weekly by Marty L. Cooper, a licensed psychotherapist in San Francisco, CA. Statistics Unique Visitors: Total Unique Visitors: Outgoing: Total Outgoing: 0 0 3 2381

Articles from Buddha And The Couch

In Praise of Irrelevance 2008-02-10 18:31:00 I wrote a while back about "The Intolerables" (link), those places in our selves where we say, "Hell or high water, this has to change!" Now, there is much to be said about setting our boundaries firmly and clearly, and to responding directly to what we deem is unjust. And there is much to be said in favor of a strong will.However, often in declaring our Intolerables, we are attempting to solve problems that may, ultimately, be unsolvable, or at least in the way we think they have to be solved.For instance, say a man's Intolerable is that they will never clean up after their wife. Never, in no circumstance, ever, for any reason. It's caused many fights, this principled position (she'd called it "rigidly and stubborn"), but he will not budge. It's "intolerable" for him to imagine playing the role of "maid" to his wife, and her protestations only make him more entrenched.Now, what problem is he trying to solve? Let's say in his family, he was the second oldest of nine kids, an ...

Moosehead gifts: The ways we divide the Self 2008-01-20 23:52:00 Here are some thoughts about the "moose head gifts" that life brings us...frequently. You know, the experiences that come along, that seem to fit into our lives about as well as that stuffed moose head that our uncle once gave us. Getting fired unexpectedly. Car wrecks. Losses. Physical illness. All the things that we not only don't want, but believe, deep down, that we cannot survive if they happen.These are the gifts, though, that when really we sit down and thoroughly unwrap them, what we find inside are forgotten parts of ourselves.I've picked up an early book by the philosopher Ken Wilber, called No Boundary, which is a discussion of the different ways in which we as humans construct, or divide, our sense of self. Starting from the relative diffuseness of a newborn's consciousness, we go about the process of defining our self, inscribing what's within the definition of self, and what's experienced as foreign and "other." Wilber's divisions are:Persona level: an indi ...

Re-Membering 2008-01-17 22:06:00 Let's start from the idea that every individual has the capacity for all the mood states, from bleak depression and runaway anxiety, to elation and joy, and that the differences among people in terms of mood is not their capacity but their "habits." If it were a question of capacity, then presumably people suffering from, say, chronic depression, would never have felt anything but depression, and would never have any reprieves, any light days or happy moments. So if that's true, then what we've got is a problem of remembering.Laurel Parnell, a psychologist and specialist in EMDR (a treatment for trauma which I'll write about later), has written a book called Tapping In, about the use of what she calls "resource tapping." Resource tapping uses the central discovery of EMDR, that when the brain is stimulated bi-laterally (by either moving the eyes back and forth, or tapping sequentially on each side of the body, or use of audio pulses), and traumatic memory is held in the mind, th ...

Open on both sides: Emotional "Throughput" 2008-01-03 00:03:00 Roger sat on the couch and looked extremely uncomfortable at my suggestion that he fully feel the anxiety that was coming up, related to a work situation. Instead of talking about the situation, I was asking him to focus on the experience of anxiety itself, in his body. "I don't really want to do that," he said, looking a bit sheepish. "Good, so we're touching on a belief about actually feeling. And we don't need to push anything here." He noticeably relaxed at hearing this. "What is the belief about what would happen if you fully felt the anxiety?" He paused for just a beat, then said, "It would be like backing up to my house a cement truck full of toxic sludge, and pouring it all in through a window." "If you open it up, then you're stuck with the sludge forever." "Yes, forever toxic."Imagine, though, if Roger really believed, without a doubt that it would not only help him to get that truck cleared out (it's leaking sludge on the lawn continually, say), but that if he ...

An introduction to Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction 2007-12-11 00:15:00 Just a quick post here, with a link to a good introduction to Jon Kabat-Zinn's Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBCT), from Dr. Stephen Hickman at UCSD. MBCT was developed to address, and has been proven quite effective in decreasing, the chronic part of chronic pain. It doesn't change the physical conditions per se, but does reduce the reactiveness to that pain which, when unaddressed, reinforces or makes the pain worse.I post this because the same principles that Dr. Hickman talks about also apply to Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy for Depression (MBCT), which I've written about here. (The research on MBCT shows it to be effective in cutting down the relapse rate for people with a history of reoccurring depressions.)So, here's Dr. Hickman, at UCTV's site, or on Youtube. ...

The Intolerables 2007-11-25 10:50:00 Why is it that in some areas of our lives, no problem, we flow around obstacles like an cork on a river, and other areas, we're an iron anchor? Why do we get stuck? And why do we get stuck, where we get stuck?In my work with couples, we talk about"The Intolerables," those places where we dig in our heals and refuse to budge. With one person, their Intolerable might be around their partner's messiness. Another, around not getting a certain amount of sex or intimacy. A third, not having enough time alone. The Intolerables are not just preferences, which are simply statements of desire; instead, they are conditions in the world (relationship, career, mood states, etc.) which must be met or else there is a severe defensive reaction.What these reactions are will vary from person to person, but they are all defensive. One couple I worked with, when the husband pushed to hard for his opinion to be heard, his wife at some point fell over her level of tolerance and snapped shut emotio ...

Work, Satisfaction, and Happiness...and what stands in their way 2007-11-19 11:01:00 Martin Seligman, the founder of Positive Psychology (see previous post), takes up the question (in "Authentic Happiness") of what makes the same employment for one person utter drudgery, and for another, a passionate pursuit. It's a question that bears on those of you who struggle with depression and/or anxiety, not because finding the right job will be the cure-all, but because satisfying work is a prophylactic against wild moods. Working with these moods, in some ways, is like erecting breakwaters in a harbor: the waves don't stop, but by the time they roll in to your boat, they are relatively docile. Job choice is like one of the wave-tamers.So what does Seligman say? From his and others' research, he makes a division between three types of employment:1) Job: employment which is serves primarily to support your non-job life.2) Career: employment which is enjoyable, but which is more about advancement and promotion than the work itself.3) Calling: employment which in and o ...

The Amazing Creativity of the Wild Moods 2007-11-11 19:34:00 You can look at working with depression and anxiety in two basic ways:1) Management strategies: These strategies consist of such things as analyzing triggering thoughts, challenging the reality of pessimistic thinking, engaging in exercise, prayer, being with friends, etc., efforts gauged to "shrink" the mood to a manageable size. "Overwhelmed" literally means "to be covered over," as if your head were submerged in water. Management tools are about draining the water so you're not "covered over." Or another way of thinking about it is that you are making something that you are existing in, to something that is happening in you.2) Transformational strategies: here you are also seeking to deal with the overwhelming quality of the mood, but instead of shrinking the mood to fit within you, you are expanding your self to encompass the mood. In other words, instead of working on the "size" of the mood (with the management strategies) you are working on the "size" of yourself.It's the ...

Freedom to, not freedom from 2007-10-22 18:42:00 This is a beautiful quote from a lecture given by Adyashanti (a spiritual teacher in the Bay Area), a response to a question about spiritual practice and enlightenment, which applies equally to the process of psychotherapy and what actually happens in successful psychotherapy. With a history of depression and anxiety, of feeling at the mercy of these moods, you naturally want control. But, as Adyashanti says here, it's not invulnerability that is attained, but an exquisite openness of being.[There is] this myth that I can rest in some assuredness, that I will never again feel insecure, or feel fear, or feel doubt, or feel those emotions we don't want to feel—if I'm truly enlightened, I will never feel those emotions. Forget it. That's not it. That's the pipe dream, that's the opium that's sold to the masses. And they eat it up and they never get there and they end up disillusioned. That's not how it works. Freedom is never freedom from. If freedom is freedom from any ...

Light drives away the shadows: Truth trumps delusion 2007-10-16 18:01:00 A friend recently told me about a meditation retreat he'd worked on while traveling in India. On these retreats, you are either participating as a meditator, teacher, or worker--he was the latter, helping cook and clean and do odd jobs. "Which may seem easier than sitting," he said, "but, pfew, stuff was coming up!" He described how, mid-way through the course, he began having overwhelming cravings for sweets. He'd go in the kitchen between sittings, grab a roll of the English tea cookies, dip them in black tea chai, and then roll that in course ground sugar. The resulting "food" items were then eaten one after another. "I went to the teacher on the retreat and said, 'Look, I'm having all these problems with food, and I'm afraid to go in the kitchen, but I can't keep away. What should I do?'" His teacher replied, "Well, when you go in the kitchen to work, if you find yourself having to have one of these cookies, just be mindful when you eat it. Pay attention to what it fee ...

Falling in the dirt...again: The Depressive Spiral and the Way Out 2007-10-08 10:11:00 If you've experienced depression throughout your life, then know what the depressive spiral feels like. There something stressful that happens that sends you down, seemingly without being able to stop the descent. For instance, say you get upbraided by your boss for a small mistake. You initially feel anger, "This is so unfair!" Then you feel powerless, "But what can I do?" The physical deadening sensations creep in, and you think, "Oh, no, here it is again." The sense of powerlessness deepens, and then you get angry: "Why can't I control this? I hate that I can't do anything about this." The deadening gets even stronger, and you react more, to the original stimulus, plus the anger, plus the sensations, plus the self-criticism... If there isn't something that you do or that happens to anchor you, you'll sink down to a collapsed place, like a whirl pool at the bottom of a funnel. Then when you make our way back up to the surface, there's an added layer of fear about gett ...

Practice and Experimentation 2007-09-24 14:57:00 If you've read many of these posts, you can see by now that I'm big on practice. As a bright but shy kid, I can remember many times when some insight into myself was perfectly clear, but clear like tropical fish under a glass-bottomed boat. You see them in all their shapes and colors, but you can't touch them. Depression and anxiety can feel like that (especially if your mind runs towards the left brain, analytic side of things): you know the problem, but find the solution swims away too easily.Well, the solution lies in practice. In taking ones self-understanding as one's map, and then exercises as the driving--not in the sense of carrying around your workbook all the time, in a formal and mechanical studiousness, but in the sense that you approach your moments as experiences that have something to teach you. Not "teach" as in, say, memorizing the periodic table, but learning as in how to improve your tennis serve. It's a muscular learning, a little change in what you know ...

Failure is a necessary option 2007-09-20 17:06:00 You've heard the expression, "Failure is not an option"? It's intended, I think, to be a motivator, a forward-looking mindset which helps in accomplishing tangible goals. The idea is that if you leave yourself and "out," you'll take it. And for some people I think it works.However, if you are one who suffers from depression and anxiety, this "grits and guts" approach to life doesn't work so well, for two reasons. First, because success is often tied into survival, to risk failure is to risk one's own destruction. Second, because the pressure that this succeed at all costs approach keeps you from being able to focus on the needs of the task itself. Always attempting to "aim" the present at the future, you can't actually experience the present moment clearly enough to get a good bead on the future goal. You're walking on a tight rope without a net, and the stress of your mind yelling "Don't fall" makes it more likely that you'll fall. Which causes more anxiety, and on aro ...

Learning to Argue with Yourself: A routine for disputation 2007-09-11 22:02:00 Well, I've been gone for a few weeks on vacation, and am eager to get back to writing. One of the books that came along with me into the desert was Martin Seligman's "Authentic Happiness," an overview of the so called Positive Psychology perspective. Positive Psychology grew up out of Seligman's reaction to the pervasive focus of research psychology on pathology, on what is wrong and why. His response was to want to do research into what was right and why.One of the basic contentions of Positive Psychology is that positive traits--love, respect, compassion, gratitude--are real phenomenon that can be scientifically understood and, more importantly, cultivated with practice. By looking at the data, the PP folk have demonstrated that while character determines a portion of one's depressive or optimistic bent, there is a big range that can be actively and consciously developed. We are not doomed to our genes.So here, I want to draw one of the book's exercises, on the practice of ...

A metaphor for seeing ourselves in light of our parents 2007-08-20 19:01:00 Because of its roots in Freudian thinking, psychotherapy is often thought of as a navel-gazing exercise in "Blame the Parents." There certainly has been a fair share of thinking that one's adult problems and neuroses all begin with one's parents (less so now, but it's still around), but as someone recently put it, "That's way too simple."Yet, it is true that what our parents did, or didn't do, affected us, helping to instill qualities and patterns that we play out in our adult lives. If your parents taught you (for instance) that business people can't be trusted, you're likely going to find yourself feeling anxious when you are around such folk.Yet, with the work in the neurosciences and genetics--among other fields--it's gotten pretty clear that parents are not destiny. So then, how to reconcile the claims that parents are very important and parents are not, um, very important?One way to do this is to imagine a magnifying glass. Nothing fancy, just a normal lens on a handle. T ...