Steve Likes to Curse Writing, comics and random thoughts from really a rather vulgar man. Statistics Unique Visitors: Total Unique Visitors: Outgoing: Total Outgoing: 22 1566 61 10041

Articles from Steve Likes to Curse

"You know, it's nay-sayers like you who give the occult a bad name." 2007-03-17 18:39:11 What's more fun than Mad Libs?  Don't answer, because the degree to which you enjoy or detest the self-proclaimed World's Greatest Word Game will have very little to do with the next few minutes.  During a stop at A.C. Moore today, Ashley and I picked up a couple books of Mad Libs ? Mad Libs From Outer Space and Night of the Living Mad Libs.  And two for the price of one.  Fucking beat that!  I did one, Ashley did one, and Ottie ? always game to choose out-of-context parts of speech despite being a cat ? did one as well.  I share them with you now not out of love, but out of the arrogant and completely mistaken notion that any of you will give a shit.  See if you can guess whose is whose.  Behold: ...

"A Piece of a Life's Work" 2007-03-16 14:29:24 Story time again, boys and girls. This is something I wrote almost four years ago after my ex-girlfriend dragged me to church with her. The story is fiction, but there really is a Ruhl?s United Methodist Church, and there really is a Pastor Price. He never really gave the sermon he gives here, but I wouldn?t put it past him.  A PIECE OF A LIFE'S WORKWritten by Steve Shives  The name of the pastor of Ruhl's United Methodist Church was Thomas Price. I remembered him from years ago, when my girlfriend at the time had brought me with her to Sunday school and church. The prayer he gave that day was breathless, seemed like it would go on forever. He was older now than when I last saw him. I wondered to myself if he was still the same man I remembered hearing then as I took a seat in the last row of dark-stained wooden pews. The sanctuary was as bright as I remembered, its white plaster walls gleaming brightly with the light from the large windows set high on either side. "If I may beg your ...

"A Piece of a Life's Work" 2007-03-16 14:05:17 ...

This Day in History 2007-03-15 08:50:27 Today in 1917 Nicholas II, Tsar of Russia, was forced to abdicate by rioting hordes of Russian peasants who were sick of starving to death and fighting World War I.  The abdication of Nicholas marked the end of 300 years of totalitarian rule by the Romanov dynasty, and laid the groundwork for another 70 years of totalitarian rule by the commies!  You go, Russian Revolution! In other news, Wyoming State Representative Dan Zwonitzer (remember him?) read an article I wrote about him on American Chronicles yesterday and sent me an email about it.  How cool is that?  Zwonitzer for motherfuckin? President. ... History

"Sure, Leave" 2007-03-14 08:17:00 ...

Never hire a Buddhist exterminator 2007-03-13 08:27:06 PENANG, MALAYSIA ? The monks living at the Hong Hock See Temple of late have found it much harder to meditate.  Their property has been overrun by an infestation of poisonous ants which the Buddhists, forbidden from killing any living thing, have been helpless to combat. ?Here?s the latest thing we?ve come up with,? Chief monk Venerable Boon Keng said as he pointed to a sign a disciple had just placed beneath a Bodhi tree that was once a favorite spot to pray.  The sign reads, ?Beware Poisonous Ants ? Do Not Sit Under the Tree,? and represents the latest in a long line of attempts by Boon Keng and the monks of Hong Hock See to deal with the ant invasion non-violently. ?Maybe the ants like the humans here because they know we cannot kill them,? Boon Keng speculated, adding, ?the little black bastards.? A bite from one of these ants can cause swelling that lasts for one or two days, yet the monks have been instructed to treat the tiny insects with the same respect Buddhists are taught to ...

HCC Comics #1, and Star Trek puzzle results 2007-03-12 08:22:38 The HCC website has random photos of students that load on the front page, a different one every time.  Some of them have such obvious captions that I couldn?t help myself.  I now present the first in an ongoing series of HCC Photo Comics:  In other news, I finally solved that Star Trek crostic I mentioned a few days ago.  I felt like enough of a loser already having spent the time necessary to do it, so imagine how it cheered me to find that the solution was a quote from Sybok in Star Trek V.  Really, dude, how ?bout a better payoff next time?  I felt like Ralphie when he realized Little Orphan Annie?s secret message was a shill for Ovaltine. ...

Choose Your Own Jihad #23: Ground Zero Hero 2007-03-11 09:26:29 ...

Uncool Burglar Dad Leaves Kid in Car 2007-03-10 09:57:47 This morning in the esteemed Herald Mail there is the story of James Easterday III of Martinsburg, WV, whom West Virginia State Troopers arrested and charged with breaking and entering, grand larceny, and child neglect.  Seems Mr. Easterday ? ?Jimmy Three? to his friends (possibly) ? broke into Freda?s Creations and stole almost $6,000 worth of jewelry, ?along with some change from the cash register.?  Brought along for the ride but left alone in Jimmy Three?s SUV during the actual burglar was his 4 year-old daughter, who police found crying after they arrested her dad. Christ, talk about child neglect ? imagine your dad bringing you along on a robbery and leaving you in the car!  Come on!  No wonder the kid was crying.  I would?ve been too.  The old man drags you along on a job and doesn?t let you in on the best part!  The guy was caught and arrested like five minutes after he broke in the place ? did it ever occur to him he could?ve used the little girl as a look-out?  Sounds like he ...

The Meaningless Death of Captain America 2007-03-09 13:24:58 Captain America is dead.  Check out the New York Daily News if you don?t believe me  ?  they had the ?exclusive? two days ago.  He exited a courthouse and was unceremoniously felled by a sniper?s rifle.  The Super-Soldier, the great Nazi smasher of World War II, the former leader of the Avengers, dead. This all took place in the pages of a comic book.  It was not the assassin?s bullet that killed our star-spangled icon, but writer Ed Brubaker and artist Steve Epting.  Captain America is ? and please forgive my use of jargon here ? imaginary.  Legendary artist Jack Kirby and writing partner Joe Simon created Cap in 1941 for Timely Comics (which eventually became Marvel).  Unlike many of his superhero peers during the Golden Age, Cap got his own title right out of the gate, making his debut on the cover and in the pages of Captain America Comics #1. Far more surprising than Cap?s death is the reaction it?s gotten in both the traditional media and the blogosphere.  People seem to be takin ... America

Yes, but WHICH South? 2007-03-08 10:55:16 Ashley brought home a crostic puzzle that this guy who comes into the library came up with.  It is a ludicrous combination of obscure and pointless Star Trek trivia and encoded message.  You answer the trivia questions, then copy the letters from those answers into the corresponding numbered squares on a grid that, when completed, the puzzle promises, will spell out a quote from some Star Trek-related source, while the first letters of the answers vertically spell out the origin of the quote.  I can?t help but thinking this is somehow Dan Brown?s fault. So anyway, if you?re like me, the first thing you do is to read over the puzzle and give a smug, derisive snort upon realizing what it is.  The next thing you do is spend several hours hunched over the pages of the puzzle at the kitchen table, pen in-hand, vainly probing your brain for the name of Minuet?s holodeck cabaret, finally crushing the paper in your fist and overturning the table in frustration.  ?What?s wrong with me?!  Why ca ...

Let's have a round of applause for a Rep. with some balls 2007-03-07 13:32:18 With all the bitching I've done lately about gutless, chickenshit politicians and elected leaders failing to step up to the plate, I wanted to make sure I said something about someone who actually displayed some guts recently.His name is Dan Zwonitzer, 27 year-old Republican member of the Wyoming House of Representatives from Cheyenne, and on February 22 he spoke out on the House Rules Committee against a bill that sought to allow the state of Wyoming to deny recognition of gay marriages granted by other states or countries.  Zwonitzer's stand persuaded some fellow Republicans on the committee, and the bill was voted down 7-6.Dan himself is straight.  He stood up against the bill because, he told the committee, gay rights are the civil rights struggle of his generation.  As he put it, "I will tell my children that when this debate went on, I stood up for basic rights for people."  Dan's not even on the Rules Committee, but felt so strongly that he spoke up anyway.Read a proper artic ...

A brief reflection on a few more inches of useless snow 2007-03-07 11:24:01 Welcome to HCC, the junior college which never fucking closes.  It's my education, and it's being paid for, and I should be grateful that the place doesn't fold up for every snow flurry, but come on -- what's it gonna take?  The public schools were all closed here today.  Why should those little fuckers get a day off and not me?  When Iran or North Korea drops that nuke on us and all American civilization is wiped off the face of the earth, there will be Ashley sitting at the still-open Smithsburg Library, and me sitting here in some classroom at resolute little HCC, and some cockroaches, and that'll be it.Yes, I believe I will have some fucking cheese with my whine. ...

A delightful exchange with a grateful reader 2007-03-06 14:50:39 For the last week or so I?ve been submitting articles to the website American Chronicle.  Yesterday they published a piece I wrote about the whole Ann Coulter ?faggot? fiasco.  Not the ?Letter From Jesus? I posted here; a somewhat less inflammatory (and less funny) work.  It?s linked right here, if you haven?t read it and want to.  I?ve gotten some interesting responses emailed to me.  Here, for example, is one I received this morning from a refreshingly fair-minded fella named Ed (at least that?s what his From line said ? there was no signature).  I promise you I have not fucked with this at all ? this is exactly what he wrote and how it looked: Ann Coulter got it perfectly correct!?Outrage?? Ann deserves kudos, a medal and a banquet!Edwards and his liberal ilk are stomach-turning pukes and anyone supporting them, likewise.There is no place in America for the public display of faggots, and even less excuse for people like you condemning speech.Fags, faggots, lessies, dykes ? oooh, I s ...

?It was a joke; I?d never insult heinous cunts by comparing them to Ann Coulter? 2007-03-05 14:32:35 An Open Letter to Ann Coulter, From Jesus Dear Ann, I?ve heard you mention my name a few times, but I don?t believe we?ve ever met, so allow me to introduce myself.  I?m Jesus.  A lot of people ? including you, from certain things you?ve said ? have built their whole spiritual beliefs around me and some things I said and did two thousand or so years ago.  As both God and the Son of God, I have a few other credentials, like originating the universe, creating life, getting crucified, and playing myself in DeMille?s original silent version of King of Kings (which I?ve never gotten credit for, while I?m on the subject ? not that I care about that sort of thing).  My qualifications and identity thus established, I have one question I?ve been meaning to ask you: What the fuck is it with you?  Because I?ve read over your life again and again, and I can?t find anything that would account for you being this much of a cunt.  I read your entire Wikipedia entry (our version up here is even better ...