Steve Likes to Curse Writing, comics and random thoughts from really a rather vulgar man. Statistics Unique Visitors: Total Unique Visitors: Outgoing: Total Outgoing: 14 1566 44 9503

Articles from Steve Likes to Curse

Sunday Comics 2007-04-01 14:48:21 Sunday Comics ...

What goes around comes around, as cancer 2007-03-31 10:28:41 I stayed at my Granny?s last night and caught about ten minutes of The O?Reilly Factor, which was plenty for me, thank you. The subject was all the despicable, contemptible left-wing bloggers who have expressed their approval of the cancer currently overwhelming the organs of White House Press Secretary Tony Snow. Writers at The Daily Kos and Huffington Post recently published ?fuck Tony Snow? type articles, which O?Reilly and his guest, conservative blogger Michelle Malkin, found just appalling. So Tony Snow is a nice guy. So the reporters at the White House press briefings whom he?s fed a daily diet of bullshit seem to like him. So he?s married and has young children. Lots of other people are diagnosed with cancer every day, they have wives or husbands, children, only they don?t make their living apologizing for a White House that started a war that?s gotten 3,500 Americans and God only knows how many Iraqis killed. All the shit kicked up by the likes of O?Reilly and Malkin and John ... Cancer

WrestleMania Matches That Kick My Ass 2007-03-30 12:08:01 WrestleMania Matches That Kick My Ass Fuck you, I like pro wrestling. And with WrestleMania 23 ? the twentieth anniversary of WrestleMania III, the first one to be any good at all ? coming up this weekend, it?s as good a time as any to drone on and on about my favorite matches to an indifferent, largely nonexistent audience. In chronological order: Ricky Steamboat vs. Randy Savage, WrestleMania III (1987)The Citizen Kane of pro wrestling matches, the widely acknowledged Greatest Match Ever[tm] between ultimate babyface Steamboat and master Memphis heel Savage, for Savage?s Intercontinental Title. The build-up was nearly as good as the match itself: Savage brutally attacked Steamboat, dropping him neck-first across a security barricade and ?crushing his larynx?; Steamboat returned months later, pissed as fuck and thirsty for revenge, and so we have this match. It?s about fifteen minutes of the most perfect professional wrestling you?ll ever see, from two guys who at the top of their gam ...

My Little Brother: The world is his ? will he take it? 2007-03-29 13:45:39 During our break in the middle of screenplay class this past Tuesday, Tyler asks me if I have a brother. Turns out he knows Danny, my younger brother, who has a few friends who work at the movie theater where Tyler is a manager. He told me he spent an evening at Buffalo Wild Wings with some friends where Danny had everyone cracking up all night long. This did not surprise me. Danny is like Willie Mays?s catch in the 1954 World Series ? everybody?s either seen him in person or knows someone who?s seen him in person. I could pick a shack at random in the boonies beyond Hancock, ask the hayseed who lives there who his favorite drinking buddies are, go to one of the buddy?s house and repeat the process and be back to Danny in less than six moves. He?s the Kevin Bacon of fucking Washington County. Danny may not see where this is going, but I do. Everybody knows my brother. Almost everybody likes him. He?s drank more beer with more people than any other 22 year-old I know and he?s only got o ...

In Which the Author's Low Character is Shockingly Revealed 2007-03-28 11:47:55 Waiting for an MTO at Sheetz can reveal a person's true self in countless ways.  I think this goes without saying.  Last night, while Ashley and I sat on a window ledge at Sheetz in Shepherdstown waiting patiently for the pepperoni sub she had so graciously agreed to buy me, a guy paid for a tank of gas and dropped a ten dollar bill on his way to the men's room.  Seeing that the guy was totally oblivious, Ashley grabbed the ten-spot and chased after the guy, calling "Hey!" three times before she caught up to him and he turned around.  Ashley is a good person.  She is a better person than I, because, as I immediately informed her when she sat back down, I'd have kept the fucking money.She was taken aback slightly.  "It's stealing.""No, it's finding.""But you know the money doesn't belong to you, you know it belongs to that guy, so keeping it is stealing from him.  It's immoral.""It's not immoral.  It's opportunistic."She was growing exasperated with me.  "How can you go on and ...

Springtime for Scally 2007-03-27 14:37:21 I took a walk between classes this morning and what a gorgeous day it is here in the happy hamlet of Hagerstown. Spring has sprung, motherfuckers, and if I hear so much as a whisper about snow I?ve got a camping hatchet with Lou Scally?s name on it. Lou Scally?s been on TV and the radio in Hagerstown as long as I can remember. He hosts the weekday morning show on WJEJ radio, where he fields calls about school closings and church suppers, and banters pleasantly with newsman Tom Bradley about, among other things, how much they enjoy ogling young women in teensy swimsuits. He also does the weather on TV at WHAG most every night; it?s his unmatched accuracy in this capacity that earned him his nickname, ?Lyin? Lou.? He also takes advantage of his time on TV and the radio to ineptly flirt with the various young women he works with, and to utilize his vast array of unfunny quips and dated pop culture references. He?s our go-to guy for charity events and local advertising. He?s starred the la ...

Fuck, and I had "natural causes" in the office pool . . . 2007-03-26 16:05:38 In the least surprising coroner?s report since the Lincoln autopsy, the Broward County medical examiner announced today that Anna Nicole Smith died of an accidental drug overdose. Toxicology tests found antidepressants, human growth hormone, chloral hydrate and sleeping pills in her system. In another shocking revelation, the autopsy reports that she had breast implants. So hey, media, can we talk about something else now? I understood the initial interest ? hell, I even wrote about it ? but the infatuation with this woman?s death is passing from ?juvenile? to ?creepy.? She?s been dead a month and a half, she?s buried, it?s over. The only thing deader than this dead-ass story is Anna Nicole. So let?s get back on the Britney/Lindsay deathwatch, and while we?re waiting for that shoe to drop, I hear there?s a skirmish of some sort ongoing in the Middle East. Gotta be something interesting there, don?t you think? ...

Choose Your Own Schizophrenia #93: Conrad Bain Must Die! 2007-03-25 10:17:33 ...

Ben the Actor must die 2007-03-24 10:54:33 Yesterday morning we watched The Last of the Mohicans in my film class. No problem there, not a bad movie ? except that it was supposed to be In the Heat of the Night, which I?ve never seen and was really looking forward to. Both professors are going out of town on Good Friday (together?), meaning class that week is cancelled and they had to drop one movie from the course. So they dropped In the Heat of the Night. The last two films on the syllabus are Erin Brockovich and Fatal Attraction, which are obviously indispensable to a course designed to explore the role of the hero in American cinema, whereas Virgil Tibbs and Chief Gillespie clearly have nothing to teach us on the subject. There?s this dude Ben who always sits in the same row as me. A few weeks ago in my screenplay class Professor Hessler mentioned that he didn?t like ?theater people? because they seem to think they?re always onstage, and I instantly thought of Ben. Ben is ? loudly, proudly, unmifuckingstakably ? theater peop ...

What's "TMNT" stand for again? 2007-03-23 14:46:53 A 27% on the Tomatometer?  Motherfucking A, brothers and sisters ? this looks AWESOME!  We should all get together and go see it tonight. ...

"Nothing personal, but God told me to enslave your whole family" 2007-03-22 15:14:31 Last week I wrote two articles for American Chronicle about General Pace?s ?homosexuality is immoral? statement and as a result found myself in an interesting email exchange with a guy who disagrees with pretty much everything I said, but with one thing most of all: that homophobia, however someone tries to justify it, is bigotry, and that people who would deny gay citizens of the U.S. their civil rights are bigots. It isn?t bigotry to denounce homosexuality, he says, because it?s not his personal opinion ? it?s the clear teaching of scripture, and all Christians are bound to abide by it. ?Would you call me a bigot for speaking out against a man who had raped and murdered your 9 year-old daughter?? I was asked. ?Of course not,? the guy answered himself. ?And just as the Bible condemns the rape and murder of children, it also condemns the practice of homosexuality.? I know, airtight logic, right? Does this guy?s own conscience enter into his sense of morality at all, or does his sense o ...

Mice are easy to kill 2007-03-21 15:56:35 Last night Ashley got out of work early and came with me to my screenwriting class. It was a fucking ball. There?s only three of us in the class to start with, so an extra person throws everyone into overdrive. It seemed like we all laughed a lot more than usual, and I know I said more last night than I have since I walked in the door the first day of class. Turns out Tyler, one of the other guys, is a Modest Mouse fan, and we had an interesting little chat before class and during the break. And he seems to like my screenplay concept, which is always cool. So wouldn?t you know, the good times couldn?t last. We were measuring the respiration rates of mice in Biology lab today. There was a single casualty, a mouse who just didn?t make it out of the beaker (literally, he was still lying in there when class was over ? the professor had no idea what to do with him), and of course he was one of mine. He seemed fine until we finished taking the last reading, then he curled up and died before ...

Music Review: We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank, by Modest Mouse 2007-03-20 14:46:07 Music ReviewWe Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank by Modest Mouse Here?s a rarity in modern popular music: a band that?s been recording over ten years, kept the same members (more or less) and hasn?t put out a bad album yet. This one?s got the title of a great Modest Mouse album, and contains all the elements of the band?s best work ? strange, melancholy travelogues, ruminations on mortality and missed opportunities, stories about people making the best of shitty circumstances, and weird, occasionally incomprehensible lyrics. It fits comfortably beside their previous efforts and still sounds a bit unlike anything else they?ve done. Frontman Isaac Brock demonstrates yet again that as a lyricist he?s in a class by himself. His songs here sound as fresh and sharp as any he?s ever written. ?Parting of the Sensory? and ?Steam Engenius? in particular prove the guy hasn?t lost his knack for crafting lines so attention-grabbingly odd that you have to rewind to hear them again.  With ?Steam En ...

Other reasons to remember today 2007-03-19 11:15:17 Recorded history stretches back nearly 6,000 years, so any given day is the anniversary of something important. March 19, 2007 is the four year anniversary of the commencement of the present war in Iraq. This we all know, and far better writers than I will no doubt have something to say on the subject, so I?d rather talk about something else first. I was curious what other significant bits of history took place on March 19. According to the Any-Day-in-History page at Scopesys.com, the first recorded lunar eclipse took place in Babylon in 721 BCE. It may have been insignificant for the ancient astronomers who observed it?this was certainly not the first lunar eclipse, probably not even the first ever recorded, but happened to be the oldest surviving record available when Ptolemy referenced it in the Almagest 900 years later. But it and subsequent lunar eclipses proved very important to man?s understanding of the universe, since it was by viewing the eclipse and seeing the round shadow o ...

Sometimes black, pointless humor is its own reward 2007-03-18 10:34:04 ... Humor