Articles from Steve Likes to Curse

Batman?s never-before-seen, completely different, brand new costume for The Dark Knight
2007-06-23 09:19:16
This week?s issue of Entertainment Weekly has an article about the smashingly innovative, revolutionary, damn-near-fucking-unbelievable new costume the creative geniuses behind The Dark Knight have designed for Batman?s next thrilling big-screen adventure. The useless website Batman-on-Film.com posted a story on the new suit as though it were the story of the year, which I suppose for some folks it is. Anyway, here?s what this extraordinary new Batman costume looks like: Ta-da! Wow, that looks nothing like any Batman costume I?ve ever seen! Clunky molded rubber! Innovative. I daresay innovatory. Now can we get someone to help Mr. Bale down off the roof of the car, please? In the EW article, costume designer Lindy Hemming says the suit is made of over 200 pieces of rubber, fiberglass, and nylon and metallic mesh. And what?s with the busy, bumpy, over-designed texture? ?I thought it would make it more interesting to look at and wonder about,? Hemming says. So I guess we?re just gonna for ...

Now a little something for the kids . . .
2007-06-22 07:12:31
My best friend in middle school had a tape of bloopers and outtakes from old television shows. Our favorite was always one from a show called (I found out much later) New Zoo Revue, one of those Sid and Marty Krofft, people-in-animal-costumes type shows. The scene starts out as a cordial conversation between mentor and student, then quickly disintegrates into a vicious, homophobic verbal assault, followed by a brief, unbridled act of fellatio. Observe: Wasn't that 53 seconds of magic? God bless you, YouTube. ...

Movies That Kick My Ass, No. 10: Fargo
2007-06-21 12:33:59
Movies That Kick My AssNo. 10: Fargo Fargo is a tough film to pin down. It?s entertaining to read through the reviews written at the time of its release early in 1996, to see how different critics tried to define it within different genres. To some it was a thriller, to some a black comedy, to some a quirky post-modern horror film ? the love-child of Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer and Scream, perhaps. The range and diversity of its tone is what, aside from its many other virtues, ultimately makes it such a great and unique piece of work. Most other films, particularly those in the above genres, reveal their stories carefully so the audience will always know exactly what?s going on, double-back to make sure important details haven?t been missed, and cue viewers so they know how to feel about what they are seeing. Fargo utilizes the same techniques, but uses them to tease the audience rather than to spoon-feed them. To try and shoehorn the film into a particular genre is to miss the ...
Movies

Why Supporting Same-Sex Marriage is the Only Moral Choice
2007-06-20 15:26:39
When Thomas Jefferson (with a little help from his friends) wrote the Declaration of Independence in 1776, he declared that all men were created equal. That isn?t what he actually meant, of course; ?all white men? was closer to the truth in Jefferson?s time. It was nearly one hundred years before black Americans were officially freed from slavery and given basic legal rights as citizens. It was yet another century before the descendants of those former slaves finally won full protection under the law for their civil rights. Just as left-out by Jefferson?s statement of equality in the Declaration were women. They had to wait until 1920 for the right to vote. Today when we read ?all men are created equal,? most of us understand it to mean ?all humans? ? men and women, regardless of race, religion, political disposition, national origin, whatever demographic category you can name.. Not explicitly excluded in the Declaration, but left-out all the same for much of American history, are hom ...

Cracked.com picks least shitty Batman
2007-06-19 15:06:45
Cracked.com posted a pretty funny article today rating the best movie Batmans (Batmen?), illustrated with pics and videos. I concur with their ranking, but they were a little hard on poor old Adam West. Sure, his costume looked ridiculous, his physique was pathetic and his Batman exhibited very few skills as an investigator or a fighter ? but that was the point! It was a comedy! A show about a young, brilliant, physically impressive Batman beating up on villains played by aging character actors wouldn?t be very funny. I take that back; that would be fucking hilarious. By the same token, the blowjob they give Christian Bale?s Batman is a tad too enthusiastic. Through process of elimination he is inescapably the best Batman to date ? but get real, son. His costume is just as shitty and clunky as Keaton?s, Kilmer?s and Clooney?s, just sans nipples and not quite so shiny. And he can turn his head a little more ? a landmark evolution in the design. The Cracked article mentions the fight sce ...

From 1907: Ty Cobb for Coca-Cola!
2007-06-18 10:33:11
Corporations were less discriminating about who they hired as a spokesperson for their products a hundred years ago. Case in point, this 1907 magazine ad for Coca-Cola, featuring Detroit Tigers great Ty Cobb: ...

O?s 4, D?Backs 6, but still a hell of a day
2007-06-17 18:08:18
We left for Baltimore a little after 10 this morning to give ourselves time to get lost. We needed some of it, first to find the ballpark and then to find a parking lot. The long walk from the lot to the ballpark took us across a bridge that ran over the train yard. Only mass-transit trains run those tracks today; years ago, the entire Camden Yards area was a rail yard. The B & O Railroad had trains coming and going all day long. I wondered how often Pap?s work on the railroad brought him here as a young man, and how different the place must have looked then. I was struck first by the immensity of Oriole Park on the outside, and then by how humble the field looked inside. Not to say it wasn?t a gorgeous, immaculately tended field, but it looks so enormous on television; looking down on it as an actual place took a minute to get used to. We got to our seats about an hour before game time, in time to watch the Diamondbacks warm up playing catch. I watched as members of a mediocre major l ...

My girlfriend is better than yours because . . .
2007-06-16 19:34:44
My girlfriend is better than yours because . . .. . . she got me, Dad and Danny free tickets to an Orioles game at Camden Yards tomorrow afternoon. Yeah, so it was actually a friend of her cousin's who got the tickets and passed them on because she couldn't use them, but "My girlfriend's relatives are better than your girlfriend's relatives" sounds like a pretty stupid feature for a blog to me.Despite living in this area for 27 years, this will only be my second Orioles game, and my first time to Camden Yards. The last time I went to an O's game, I was nine years old, meaning I attend a major league game an average of every 13.5 years, far below the average American according to the Bill James Historical Baseball Abstract. We all have our crosses to bear.As if scoring free tickets for me, my Dad and my brother to see a ballgame wasn't enough, Ashley also sketched this awesome portrait of me a few minutes ago, just for something to do:Ain't she some kinda artist or something? ...

The Shittiest Films Ever Made, No. 9: No Holds Barred
2007-06-15 12:35:57
The Shittiest Films Ever MadeNo. 9: No Holds Barred I could write a whole series just on the shitty film career of Hulk Hogan (the only man inducted into both the WWE and Cocksucker Halls of Fame), but everyone has to start somewhere, and for Hogan that was No Holds Barred. Yeah, he made a brief appearance in the first act of Rocky III, but that wasn?t exactly a Hulk Hogan vehicle. The big orange bastard didn?t get his first starring role until No Holds Barred; it?s all Hogan, all the time. When the film was released in 1989, Hogan?s pro wrestling career was more or less at its peak. He had just won his second WWF Championship from ?Macho Man? Randy Savage at WrestleMania V, and the wrestling business itself was riding the wave of success that had carried it through the ?80s, still a few years away from the slump that would threaten its existence for much of the next decade. Vince McMahon had been shoving Hulk Hogan down the throats of wrestling fans for nearly six years. The summer of ...

Alanis Morissette finally good for something
2007-06-14 10:14:10
Ashley found this online the other day and it cracked me the fuck up: Alanis Morissette covering the Black Eyed Peas?s ?My Humps.? Ordinarily I?m not much a fan of Alanis (I consider contributing to the City of Angels and Queen of the Damned soundtracks an unforgivable sin), but she?s done well with this one. Her cover of ?My Humps? demonstrates how incredibly stupid the original song was, and also how irritating slow, melancholy covers of up-tempo songs are. Plus, it?s funny as hell. Well played, Ms. Morissette. ...

So this guy?s dying of thirst in the desert . . .
2007-06-13 15:16:17
I?m taking Spanish 101 and 102 this summer. My professor has an affinity for telling jokes. They don?t teach us any Spanish, but they serve some need for the old guy, so who am I to bitch? Plus, every time he stops to tell a joke it eats up several minutes when we could be sweating trying to learn to speak fucking Spanish! Here?s one of the recent ones: This guy is stuck in the middle of the desert, dying of thirst. By sheer chance he comes upon another man walking from the opposite direction. ?Please, sir,? the dying man says, ?can I have a drink of water?? ?Sorry,? the stranger says, ?I don?t have any. All I have is this collection of neckties I?m taking into town to sell.? So the stranger goes on his way, and the dying man continues his trek through the desert. Incredibly, not long after, he spots another stranger headed his way. ?Please,? the dying man begs the new stranger, ?can I have a drink of water?? ?Sorry,? this stranger also tells him, ?but I?m not carrying any water. Just ...

Creationism, hell ? parte dos
2007-06-12 09:59:09
Creationism seems to be the subject I?m stuck on this month. As a result of this article I wrote for American Chronicle, wherein I shat all over the new Creation Museum in Kentucky, I?ve been writing back and forth with several creationists who are attempting to defend the ?science? on their side from me, a 27-year-old layman. It?s been fun, and educational. I pointed out to two of the people I?ve been writing to that Genesis has God saying ?Let there be light? before he actually creates the Sun, which we know now to be the source of virtually all useful natural light on our planet. They both responded with something like ?God doesn?t need the Sun to make light; he can do whatever he wants.? One guy even said that since he has light in his room at night (via an electric lightbulb) without the Sun, God must also have found a way to create light before the Sun. Which to me begs the question: Why create the Sun at all, then? There are several major arguments that creationists (and I?m tal ...

Way to go Adam, and fuck-fuck-fuck you, Parasiliti
2007-06-11 11:56:01
It's been a few days since my younger brother called me with the news, but I've got nothing else to talk about today, so what the hell? His buddy Adam Mills, just through with his senior year at the University of North Carolina, was drafted last week by the Boston Red Sox. Adam graduated with Danny from Clear Spring, and pitched for the high school team the last year that Ashley's father was the coach. We all figured he was good then, but Christ . . .Adam had a hell of a season this year, finished with a 14-2 record in 18 starts, a 1.01 ERA(!) and threw 8 complete games. The BoSox took him in the eighth round. Even as great as he is, a career in the Majors is a long-shot, but I'm pulling for him. Maybe in a few years we'll see him take the mound at Fenway. Wouldn't that be some shit?The Herald-Mail printed a story about him here. Read at your own risk ? it's the work of one Bob Parasiliti. Though he didn't utilize his keen journalistic instincts with this one; the fat ...

Count on it ? real life ?vampires? ain?t that scary, and ain?t that sexy
2007-06-10 09:58:20
Late last night on the History Channel they showed a documentary about the history of vampire myths and legends. Most of it I already knew, but it had some interesting points. There was a segment about Elizabeth Bathory and her influence on Bram Stoker as he was writing the novel that became Dracula. No one ever suggested that Bathory was a vampire in the ?undead bloodsucker? sense, but it may have been his research into her story that convinced Stoker to add insatiable bloodlust as primary motive of his vampire.There was also a great deal of time spent on the current vampire subculture, interviewing authors who?ve written about the goth vampire clubs in New York, giving people with long dyed hair and artificial fangs in their mouth a lot of face time to explain why their ?lifestyle? doesn?t make them a pretentious asshole loser. I wasn?t entirely convinced.I developed an idea for a comic book about a vampire a few years ago, which I still think could?ve been something great. It n ...

"I got a clear conscience about the things I done"
2007-06-09 18:16:37
Earlier this week Ashley told me that some low-life shitbags robbed the Boonsboro Library. It was a family affair ? Mom and the kids distracted the librarian while Dad snuck behind the desk and helped himself to what was in the fine drawer. How base and without character do you have to be to burglarize a fucking library? And enlist your family as accomplices ? what pitiful excuses for human beings. So yesterday at the library where Ash works, out of curiosity, we tried to find something about the Boonsboro robbery in the pages of our glorious community standard, the Herald-Mail, but after fighting with its useless and aggravating website for ten minutes or so, we found nothing. We did, however, turn up a story from that day?s edition about a State Trooper from Boonsboro who was arrested and taken to jail on charges of possessing child pornography. The story was in a small sidebar on page A3, while full-color photos of kids graduating high school filled the front page. The trooper?s nam ...

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