Steve Likes to Curse Writing, comics and random thoughts from really a rather vulgar man. Statistics Unique Visitors: Total Unique Visitors: Outgoing: Total Outgoing: 5 1566 28 10523

Articles from Steve Likes to Curse

Torn From the Back Pages 2007-07-08 12:29:59 In Shepherdstown there's this lovely little bookstore called the Four Seasons. In their magazine section they carry a lot of small-run, local weekly, or hard-to-find publications that a bigger place like Borders wouldn't ordinarily bother with. Sometimes the most interesting things in these little 'zines are the ads in the back, the ones that advertise for submissions to an upstart literary journal, or tout the benefits of this or that odd product. Here are a few of the stand-outs from the last time I went to the Four Seasons and tore a bunch of ads out of the back pages of several magazines without paying for them: ...

Our supper with some modern-day homesteaders 2007-07-07 10:05:36 I was visiting Ashley at the library last night when Dawn, a regular patron to the Smithsburg branch, called and invited us to dinner at her place. Dawn’s in her early 50s and partially deaf; she enlists Ashley’s help in tracking down interesting rare volumes, like a 150 year-old edition of a guide to home book-binding. She also sells homemade bread at Colonial Williamsburg and local renaissance fairs along with her 15 year-old daughter Fern. They’re sweet and pleasant people, so when Dawn made the invitation, we accepted.They live at the end of a twisting gravel farm lane outside of Leitersburg. On the drive back we passed a small stucco outbuilding, and an enormous steel barn with two restored Model-A’s, a red Yugo, and a junked old pick-up with weeds growing out of the engine block parked beside it. When we arrived Dawn’s husband Kent had just gotten home from work at the gas company and was tooling around the property in another old pick-up, a little 1970’s Isuzu. ...

The Kids in the Hall make nihilism something we can all enjoy 2007-07-06 07:14:03 Much as I loved Chappelle's Show and In Living Color, I think the funniest sketch comedy series has to be The Kids in the Hall. Comedy Central used to show two reruns every afternoon at 3. When I was a teenager, this was appointment television. The show was strange and often obscure, sometimes I wasn't even sure what I was laughing at. But it always made me laugh. Unlike its uncle Saturday Night Live (also produced by Lorne Michaels), Kids in the Hall took chances and held nothing sacred. It was often brilliant and sometimes downright black, as in this clip, one of my favorites, which I was thrilled to find last night on YouTube: ...

Time flies when you say "fuck" a lot 2007-07-05 14:14:18 Hard to believe that as of today I’ve had this ridiculous blog for a whole year. Wanting to mark the occasion, but also not wanting to toot my own horn (at least not all by myself), I have enlisted the aid of the lovely and talented Ashley, who has graciously taken a few minutes to choose her favorite articles from the last year. And now I give you the lady of literacy, the duchess of the Dewey decimal system, the exceedingly intelligent, the arrestingly beautiful, the inexhaustible wellspring of knowledge, wit and sex . . . I give you Ashley: (Ha! He says he “enlisted” my aid like it wasn’t my suggestion this morning.) I know, I know, you’ve heard about me, read about me, have been crazy with insatiable curiosity about me . . . Well, brace yourself, Readers, here I am — Ashley, the big GF, the 4’9 home-based bully and meal-ticket librarian extraordinaire. Yes, it is true — I, too, am greatly imbued by the spirit of shameless egotism that d ...

Two-hundred-thirty-one is a lotta goddamn candles 2007-07-04 12:27:29 Every July 4 here in the United States, we celebrate the country’s birthday. The kids are out of school for the summer, many adults get the day off from work. We spend the afternoon at baseball games or barbecuing or going on picnics, and the evening watching fireworks. We call it Independence Day, though it was not the day our independence was truly earned. We use the day to mark the start of the Revolutionary War against Britain, but the war actually started in June 1775. We call it the anniversary of the country’s founding, but the present constitution wasn’t ratified and activated until 1789. So what is it we’re celebrating? The actual historical event that makes July 4, 1776 such a revered date in American history is the ratification of the completed Thomas Jefferson draft of the Declaration of Independence by the Second Continental Congress. Once ratified, the Declaration was sent to a nearby printer, who spent the night running off ...

Q: What did Scooter Libby say to George Bush? A: “I beg your pardon!” . . . See what I did there? 2007-07-03 13:37:39 Between classes this afternoon I went to Burger King and wound up in line at the drive-thru behind this douchebag with a Bluetooth headset. Strike one. Then he takes forever placing his order at the speaker, seemingly choosing items at random off the menu. What, it was his first fucking trip to Burger King? Strike two. So he pulls up and I get a glimpse of his face from the side. He looks a little like Bill Paxton, which does nothing to endear him to me. He yaks away to whoever he’s talking to on the headset about football. In July. Strike three, yerouttathere! Nevermind Scooter Libby — I wish I could’ve chucked this guy in the clink for a few years. Speaking of ol’ Scooter, yesterday President Bush saw fit to commute the poor fucker’s prison sentence from 30 months to zero. Not a pardon, technically, since the conviction still stands and Libby’s stuck with a big fine to pay and some probation to serve, but still e ...

This Date in History 2007-07-02 12:33:43 July 2 is another one of those days history seems to like. A lot of important, or at least interesting, shit happened through the centuries on this date. “What shit?” you ask. Well, for instance: On this date in 1679, French fur traders first reached Minnesota. They found it already populated by Anishinaabeg Indians, who were polite, self-effacing, and spoke with a peculiar monophthongal accent. The first exchange between explorer Daniel Greysolon and the local Anishinaabeg chief reportedly went something like this: “Greetings. We are explorers — hunters and trappers from a far away nation called France, across a vast sea on the distant continent of Europe.” “Oh yah?” In 1776 the Second Continental Congress, meeting in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, officially severed ties with Great Britain, making July 2 the actual anniversary of the founding of the United States, not July 4. So why do we set off our fireworks on July ... History

The Proud Life and Sad Death of Rikidozan 2007-07-01 12:02:28 The murder-suicide of Chris Benoit, his wife and young son this past week was the latest tragedy in an industry defined by corruption, drug abuse and premature death. Forty-four years ago in Tokyo, Japan the dark side of pro wrestling claimed one of its first victims. Since I first heard the Benoit story Tuesday morning, I’ve thought over and over again of Rikidozan.He was born Kim Sin-nak in 1924, in the South Hamgyong province of what is today North Korea. As a child he was adopted by a family in Nagasaki, Japan. To avoid the vicious racism directed toward Koreans in Japan, his name was changed to Mitsuharu Momota. The new name wasn’t enough to spare him from the prejudice of his peers. He was disowned by his parents when he was 13, and traveled to Tokyo to train as a sumo. He packed on the blubber and eventually maxed-out at over 300 pounds. But he was quick and agile for his size, and made a skilled and popular sumo. He took the shikona of “Rikidozan,” which transl ...

Evidence that I may, possibly, be an idiot 2007-06-30 23:03:56 Friday morning I wiped my feet before walking outside into the rain.I was on my way to my BIO106 class, titled Unity and Diversity of Living Things. An interesting class. The professor, Dr. Murphy, thinks faster than he talks, so he doesn’t make sense sometimes. He stammers and corrects himself constantly. He’s like a taller, thinner, shaggier, much much smarter version of Rudy Giuliani.Also in that class is Min, who I remember from Sociology last summer, through most of which he slept. Min’s an interesting dude. He’s a mathematical genius, just like the stereotype says, and he’s also got this stubborn juvenile streak. He likes to squirt distilled water on the hot plate and watch it sizzle. In lab Friday morning, Min used a cover glass to slash open dialysis tubing filled with water after an experiment.When I worked at Pilot I had a manager named Mike who used to be in special forces in the military. He told me he knew how to cut someone’s throat with the edge of a ...

Porky Pig and hot puppet fucking 2007-06-29 07:14:18 What with my favorite wrestler murdering his wife and child and then hanging himself earlier this week, I thought I'd cheer myself up with some more videos of childhood mainstays putting on a little show for the grown-ups. First, another classic I was introduced to from my old best friend's blooper tape. Here's Porky Pig finally using the kind of language in public we've always suspected he uses in private with Petunia:  Since that clip's so short, here's the puppet sex scene from Team America: World Police. We've all seen it by now, but fuck it — the classics never get old.  ...

Which makes this my small straight world, I guess 2007-06-28 13:13:43 The other day I noticed the site’s Authority rating at Technorati had gone up one. Turns out David over at My Small Gay World posted an article a little over a week ago about the piece I published here and at American Chronicle on gay marriage. He was nice enough to quote a decent chunk of it and even referred to yours truly as a “handsome, straight, baseball-loving bearded dude,” which I’d say is pretty on-the-nose. I appreciate the link and the kind words, David, and am only too happy to return to favor. Check out David’s blog if you get a minute, be you gay, straight or undecided. I dig it for mostly egotistical reasons; with its eclectic combination of smartly written, earnest articles on gay history and culture, alongside photos of chiseled, well-oiled male models, it strikes me as a gay version of my humble little website here. Today’s article is about artist Jean-Marc Plassard; yesterday, David wrote about a crucial moment in the history ...

Comic Book Review: Spider-Man and the Black Cat: The Evil That Men Do 2007-06-27 17:09:40 Comic Book ReviewSpider-Man and the Black Cat: The Evil That Men DoWriter:  Kevin SmithArtists:  Terry Dodson (Penciller), Rachel Dodson (Inker, Colorist), Lee Loughridge (Colorist), Richard Starkings (Letterer) This is the mini-series it took Kevin Smith three years to finish. I didn’t have to wait three years between issues; I just picked up the trade paperback at Borders and read the whole thing at once. But what if I had been forced to wait out the interminable delay between issues #3 and #4? Would it have been worth the wait? Well, fuck no it wouldn’t have been worth the wait. A three-year delay between issues of Watchman or Batman: The Long Halloween might have been forgivable given how awesome the finished products were. But this one? It’s not that great before the three-year break; the delay would have been my cue to sneak out early. Like I should have done during the intermission at Gods and Generals. Live and l ...

Chris Benoit: 1967-2007 2007-06-26 16:43:48 Almost from the moment I knew enough about pro wrestling to appreciate it for what it is, Chris Benoit was my favorite. He exemplified everything a good pro wrestler was supposed to be. He worked hard in the ring. He worked safe, rarely injuring his opponents. He worked selflessly, always tried to make the other guy look like a million bucks, because very rarely did Benoit ever have the opportunity to work with someone else as accomplished in the ring as he was. Despite a few short stints in the main event the last few years, he was never a superstar. He was never going to be a mainstream celebrity like The Rock — not pretty or witty enough. Benoit was a pro wrestler. That’s why we loved him. Seeing him win the WWE World Heavyweight Title at WrestleMania XX was the happiest I’ve ever been as a wrestling fan. It was proof that, even in a business as twisted and amoral as pro wrestling, hard work and dedication to one’s craft coul ...

USC awards scholarship to zygote 2007-06-25 14:17:06 USC Awards Scholarship to Zygote LOS ANGELES, CA – University of Southern California men’s basketball coach Tim Floyd announced today that he has obtained an oral commitment from a zygote to attend USC under a full basketball scholarship after completing high school. The news comes less than a week after Floyd made a similar offer to 14 year-old Ryan Boatwright of Aurora, Illinois, and has exacerbated protests from critics who claim Floyd and other college-level athletic programs have crossed a line by recruiting younger and younger players for their teams. The zygote, the result of the fertilization of an ovum belonging to Dorothy Wilshire of Tell City, Indiana, by a spermatozoon belonging to Reggie Wilshire, Dorothy’s husband, is the youngest recipient yet of such a scholarship, having formed only twelve hours ago. Though it has yet to undergo mitosis, when reached for comment the zygote was enthusiastic about its eventual place on the USC team.  ...

The perfect fix for the woes of the O's 2007-06-24 08:28:25 Well at least the Red Sox are having a good year. Shame the same can't be said for the Orioles, the pitiful fuckers. Many of us O's fans have spent the last few years waxing nostalgic about the teams of years (hell, decaades) past. But I say why not take that nostalgia and turn it into something tangible and positive to help out the team? The lineup they've got isn't worth shit, so let's reach into the rich and legendary history of the Orioles to plug some of the holes.Most of these players either work for the team already in some capacity, or are completely retired from Major League Baseball, so fielding this all-time O's all-star team shouldn't be a problem. The entire team doesn't need to be an old-timers roster — I like Melvin Mora, I like Brian Roberts, I like Nick Markakis, so they can stick around. But the rest can grab some bench or head to the minors, and make way for the big (and old) dogs!First things first, the team needs a pr ...